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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459635">Say It Again For Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuwandaSnicket/pseuds/NuwandaSnicket'>NuwandaSnicket</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Start With Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Falling In Love, Growing Up Together, M/M, no underage smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:40:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459635</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuwandaSnicket/pseuds/NuwandaSnicket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to the play telling the story of how the boys met and fell in love. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>The thing about you is you know just how to get me.</i><br/><i>You talk about us like there's no end in sight.</i><br/><i>The thing about me is that I really wanna let you open the door and walk into my life.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jason McConnell/Peter Simmonds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Start With Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084565</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulliebee1019/gifts">sulliebee1019</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <i>The thing about you is you know just how to get me</i>
  <br/>
  <i>You talk about us like there's no end in sight</i>
  <br/>
  <i>The thing about me is that I really wanna let you open the door and walk into my life</i>
</p><p>  <i>And it feels like it's the first time</i><br/><i>That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain</i><br/><i>And never in my whole life</i><br/><i>Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name</i></p><p>  <i>Say it again for me</i><br/><i>Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I'm the only one who blows your mind</i><br/><i>Say it again for me</i><br/><i>It's like the whole world stops to listen when you tell me you're in love</i></p><p> </p><p>I don't know why I do this to myself but here you go, the first chapter.  It's going to end with the play and then connects to my other piece that takes place after the play where I gave them a happy ending.  Enjoy, and please review!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>An important note, I'm going to tread extremely carefully here. The boys are obviously going through puberty and having their sexual awakening, but I do NOT want to write underage smut, so I'm going to try to write what they're going through without making it dirty. I hope it works out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Peter?”</p><p>The sound of his mother’s voice was somewhat muffled as she called to him from outside the car, but he didn’t answer.  He couldn’t take his eyes off the building in front of him.  To his twelve year old eyes, it looked like some sort of cross between a gothic castle and an asylum.  Even so, he knew it for the Catholic boarding school it was.  An expensive one, at that. </p><p>He was startled out of his thoughts as she yanked the door open.  “Come on, Peter.”  Despite the abruptness of the action, her voice was soft.  Still, there was something in her manner, a quiet sadness that had persisted over the last year or so.  Peter hated it.  He did as he was told, shouldering his backpack and following his mother.</p><p>As they walked, he snuck a glance at her.  She looked so serious.  Stoic.  Sensing his attention, she glanced at him.  Peter tried to give her a smile.  There it was again, that flash of sadness, but she did manage a smile back, a trace of the mother he knew and loved there in that face.</p><p>Once indoors, they were greeted by a blonde woman who was smiling way too wide.  It just didn’t seem genuine.  She immediately led them onward, speaking to Claire the entire way.  Ignored, Peter trailed behind them, eyes on the giant suitcase his mother was dragging with her.  His entire life, packed away into nothing more than a rollaway suitcase and the bag on his back.  </p><p>Ushered into an office, the blonde woman left them.  Peter sat uncomfortably in the straight backed chair he had been offered.  “....mom?”</p><p>“Yes, Peter?”  She wasn’t looking at him, and he felt his stomach sinking.</p><p>“.....nevermind.”</p><p>The door opened again only this time it was a priest who entered.  “Hello.  I’m Father Flynn.”</p><p>Now Peter was just unsettled.  He liked priests.  The priest at their church back home, Father Joe, had always been incredibly kind to him.  But all of this just felt wrong and out of place. He didn’t want to be here.</p><p>“Peter?”</p><p>He looked to his mother.  She was eyeing him expectantly.</p><p>“Aren’t you going to say hello?”</p><p>“....hi.”  The word was barely audible.  He was scuffing the floor with the toe of one sneaker.  Everything about this was making him uncomfortable.</p><p>“Hello, Peter.”  Father Flynn offered his hand and Peter shook it.  That was it; all of the priest’s attention was diverted to Claire as the two began to discuss Peter’s mid-semester transfer and what it would entail.  </p><p>Peter was frustrated.  He wanted to like this.  Wanted to like Father Flynn, to be happy about going to this school.  He just couldn’t.  He wished it was a mystery why his mother had dragged him two states from his home to go here, but unfortunately it was all too obvious.  After his parent’s divorce four years ago, things had begun to change.  Peter’s life had been infinitely better without his father calling him a girl or a sissy, without yelling at him for failing to make any hits in his little league game, and, the final straw, for wanting a stupid Easy Bake Oven for his birthday.  When Claire had actually bought it, Jim had gone through the roof.  Peter had sat at the table, trying to make himself as small as possible while the two screamed at each other.  The next day, his dad was gone, and Peter could honestly say he didn’t miss him.  Even so, something had changed.  His mom was still as loving as ever but every now and then, he thought he caught something in her eyes….a bit of a questioning look, as though she were trying to puzzle him out.  It only got worse when he began to play with the long silk scarves and the hats she wore for special occasions, and then a few months ago she had walked in on him trying on her makeup.  That had been the last straw.  Peter would never forget her expression: the shock on her face quickly fading  as though one of the puzzle pieces had just clicked into place.  She hadn’t yelled, only gotten out some makeup wipes and cleaned him up without saying a word.  He wasn’t certain if the silence was better or worse than if she had yelled at him.</p><p>Only snatches of the current conversation were reaching his ears, discussions of attending mass, the sort of classes he would take, doing community service as a group, and then he caught mention of a roommate.  Roommate?  He hadn’t heard anything about having a roommate.  His mother hadn’t told him about that.  He would have to share a room with someone?  No privacy at at all?  Peter could feel a panic attack coming on, heart racing.  He shoved back the chair so hard that it nearly fell over.</p><p>“Peter?  What are you--”</p><p>But he didn’t reply, didn’t pause to wait, simply turned and fled the room.</p><p>He had no idea where he was going.  He knew nothing about this school or where anything was.  All he knew is that he needed to be anywhere but in that room.  Somehow he found his way into a deserted hallway.  There were stained glass windows, so he supposed he was probably near the chapel. Sinking to the floor, Peter pulled his knees to his chest.   He stared up at the depictions of Jesus and His apostles, of Mary and the Annunciation.  In a way, it was comforting, but not comforting enough.  He couldn’t believe his mother would send him here.  Was he that messed up?</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>The word startled him and he jumped, turning to the source of the voice and just….</p><p>Stared.</p><p>Those were the bluest eyes he had ever seen in his life.</p><p>It was a boy, probably the same age as him, though taller.  He had sandy blonde hair and those deep blue eyes were full of concern.  Peter felt embarrassed to have been caught crying; he scrubbed the tears away with the back of his hand.</p><p>“M’fine.”</p><p>The boy regarded him for a minute.  “....you’re not.”  He sank to the floor beside Peter, surprising him yet again.  “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Why do you care?”</p><p>“Because you’re sad.”  He offered a hand.  “I’m Jason.”</p><p>Peter was lost.  He didn’t know that he had met anyone like this before.  Most times if someone said they were fine, the other person would just walk away.  Dumbly, he took Jason’s hand and shook it.  Jason just smiled.  “.....and you are?”</p><p>Oh.  Peter blushed.  He could feel it burning across his entire face, up to the tips of his ears.  <i>God</i>, how he hated that.  “Peter.  Peter Simmonds.”</p><p>“You new here?”</p><p>He nodded.  “Just starting.”</p><p>“Is that what’s wrong?”</p><p>Another nod.  “My mom just decided to enroll me because--” but he broke off.  Why did he even start to explain?  There was no way he could ever tell anyone about that, least of all a boy he’d only just met.  Yet for some reason, he felt as though he could trust Jason completely.  There was just something about the boy that put Peter so utterly at ease.</p><p>Jason slipped an arm about Peter’s shoulders, pulling him closer.  “It’s okay.  You don’t need to say if you don’t want to.”</p><p>Oh, God.  Peter felt the tears rising again.  He let Jason tug him closer, leaning into the other boy.  It felt so natural to just rest his head on Jason’s shoulder and let the tears fall, and for no reason he could understand, it wasn’t embarrassing.  To his shock, he felt the other boy’s fingers beginning to card through his hair, soft and soothing.  To feel this kind of comfort and caring coming from someone he only just met was nothing he ever could have expected in a million years.</p><p>“You’re so nice,” he managed.  “How are you so nice?”</p><p>“I’m just doing what anyone would do.”  </p><p>Peter shook his head, sitting up to look at the other boy.  “Are not.  No one does this for someone they’ve just met. You…” but he couldn’t finish that sentence, not with those blue eyes staring at him curiously, his face so very caring and concerned for Peter.  <i>You’re wonderful</i>.</p><p>They simply regarded each other for a minute, and if Peter didn’t know any better, he could swear that Jason’s cheeks flushed ever so slightly.  “Well, I just want to help.  You seem…..I don’t know.  I like you.”</p><p>Peter laughed through his tears.  “You don’t even know me!”</p><p>That made Jason grin.  “True.  But I’ve got a feeling.”</p><p>“Oh you do, do you.”</p><p>“Yeah.  I know people.”</p><p>“Mm.”  Peter leaned back against the wall; Jason followed suit.  They were silent, simply enjoying each other’s company.  Then:  “.....my mom caught me trying on her makeup.”</p><p>“....come again?”</p><p>Peter felt his face go red again.  “That’s why I’m here.  She didn’t tell me that’s what it was, but I know.”  Immediately his heart began racing; he couldn’t believe he had confessed that, especially to a stranger, and he waited for the hammer to fall.  But it didn’t come.</p><p>“What….did you do a shitty job of it?” </p><p>Peter’s head snapped around to stare at Jason, startled.  The blonde was grinning.  Peter couldn’t help but burst out laughing, giving the other boy a shove.  “Ass.”</p><p>“Yup.”  Their laughter died away, the two just smiling at each other.  “So, she sent you here to what….hone your skills?”</p><p>“Don’t make me hit you.” </p><p>Jason grinned, but it was friendly and understanding.  Peter sighed, turning away to stare straight ahead.  “She thinks she can fix me.” There it was, out in the open. If Jason hadn’t put the pieces together, he surely did now. </p><p>“So you’re gay.”</p><p>There was no hint of judgement or disgust in Jason’s voice.  Even so, Peter felt nerves flooding him. He glanced at Jason.  “.....are you going to tell anyone?”</p><p>Jason shook his head.  “No.”</p><p>An overwhelming wave of relief washed over Peter.  He could feel his eyes filling with tears again.  “Thank you,” he whispered.  Jason took his hand again, his other arm slipping around Peter’s shoulder and pulling him close once more.  Peter felt stunned that Jason would do this, initiate such contact now that he knew that Peter was gay.</p><p>“Peter….it doesn’t matter to me.”</p><p>“....but….”  All the teachings in the Bible.  He had been struggling with them, trying to make his sexuality and the readings from the Bible make sense together.</p><p>Jason placed a finger to Peter’s lips.  “Peter.  Enough.”  And for once, Peter, Mr. Anxiety, did as he was told and shut up.  If Jason wasn’t going to take issue with the Catholic church’s stance on homosexuality, he wasn’t going to argue it.  Somehow, he had found a friend who didn’t have a problem with him being gay.  God, how had he spilled the truth to someone so quickly?  How had he even spilled it at all?  But it wasn’t hard to figure it out, not when he looked into that face, so open and honest, that trustworthy smile, all of it completely free of any artifice.  Somehow Peter had known that Jason wouldn’t judge him for any of it.  As much as he had dreaded this experience, being dumped here by his mom, he had found a friend so very quickly.  He couldn’t believe his luck.</p><p>Jason gave his hand a squeeze.  “You ready to get back to whatever bullshit it was you were hiding from?”</p><p>“Not really,” Peter confessed.  Jason laughed.</p><p>“Well, do you want to find your room?”</p><p>That sounded like a much better idea.  “Okay.”  Jason was on his feet, holding out a hand.  Peter allowed himself to be helped up and dug in his pockets for the piece of paper with all of his orientation information.  “I’m in 202.”</p><p>Immediately, Jason’s face lit up.  “That’s me!”</p><p>“Are you serious??”</p><p>“Yeah!  My roommate transferred last year.  I didn’t know who I would be assigned.”  He grinned.  “Looks like I got someone cool.”</p><p>Peter’s ears were burning; he ducked his head to hide it and the smile threatening to overwhelm his face.  “I think I lucked out, too.”</p><p>Jason grabbed his hand again.  “Well, let’s go!”</p><p>“But my stuff--”  Not that Peter really wanted to return to his mom and Father Flynn and collect it.</p><p>“We’ll grab it later.  Come see our room.”</p><p><i>Our room</i>.  The words alone filled Peter with warmth.  He allowed Jason to drag him down the hallway and up a flight of stairs.  They passed many students, most of whom called out to Jason as he passed.  “Looks like you’re popular,” he observed.</p><p>Jason shrugged uncomfortably.  “Guess so.”  Peter’s brow furrowed.  He would have to figure that one out later.  Jason unlocked the door and pulled Peter inside, shutting the door behind them.</p><p>One half of the room was bare, nothing on the walls, no sheets on the bed.  The other had posters everywhere.  Jason released Peter’s hand and he immediately missed that contact.  Still, it allowed him to step closer and check out Jason’s side of the room.  Oops.  He paused, asking “do you mind?”</p><p>Jason flopped back onto his bed, shaking his head.  “Go crazy.”</p><p>Peter moved to the wall, examining the posters and photos.  There were posters from both Millenium III and Relient K.  Peter turned to Jason with a smile.  “I love these guys.”</p><p>Jason’s face lit up.  “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.”  Looking closer, he saw a photo of a girl with long dark hair.  She was smiling, but there was a hint of a smirk there.  He pointed to it.  “Who’s this?”</p><p>“My sister Nadia.  You’ll meet her, she goes here too.”</p><p>“You’re close?”</p><p>“Oh yeah.”</p><p>If she was close with Jason, Peter felt certain that he would like her.  He didn’t know how he already felt so close with Jason, but there was something about him that just put Peter so at ease, that captivated him.  He stepped back; Jason raised a brow.  “Do you approve?”</p><p>Peter had to laugh.  “I do.”  He gestured.  “I enjoy the <i>‘Some Like it Hot’</i> poster.”</p><p>The excited smile that lit up Jason’s face was everything.  “You like that film?”</p><p>“Love it.  I love old movies.”</p><p>“Me too. And that film?  The ending?”  He did a chef’s kiss, which made Peter burst out laughing.</p><p>“You are ridiculous.”</p><p>“It’s an amazing ending, and you know it.”</p><p>“It really is.”</p><p>There came a knock on the door and then Claire poked her head in.  “Peter?”</p><p>“Oh, hey mom.”  Peter’s good mood drained ever so slightly.  Even though he was much happier being here now that he had met Jason, he still couldn’t get over the fact that she had decided to leave him here. It felt like a betrayal.  </p><p>“I see you found your room alright.”  </p><p>“Actually, my room sort of found me.  Or rather, my roommate did.”</p><p>Jason rose from the bed, moving over and offering a hand.  “Jason McConnell.  It’s nice to meet you.”</p><p>Claire looked between the two of them and there it was again, that look as if she were trying to make the puzzle pieces fit.  God, Peter hated that expression more than anything.  “Well, I brought your suitcase and backpack.”  </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Stepping forward, Claire took his face in her hands and softly kissed his forehead.  “You take care of yourself, okay?  Give the place a chance.  Try to enjoy yourself.”</p><p>The words made him want to snap back.  No matter how happy he was at meeting Jason, he still couldn’t forgive her for abandoning him like this. Something inside him told him that those thoughts weren't very Christian of him, and he silently berated himself.  “I will, mom.”</p><p>She gave him one final kiss, looking at Jason.  “It was nice to meet you, Jason.”</p><p>“You too, Mrs. Simmonds.”</p><p>With that, she turned and left, leaving the door open.  Peter didn’t know why.  Still, he found himself crossing the room and closing it.  When he turned, Jason was arching a brow.  “What.”</p><p>“She seems….nice.”</p><p>Peter shrugged uneasily.  “Most of the time, she is.  We’ve always been close.  Just, this…..it’s so unlike her.  I hate that she just gave up on me and decided to tuck me away somewhere and hope it would fix me.”</p><p>Jason was silent; he moved to Peter’s side and pulled him into a hug.  Peter felt as though he would start to cry again, but he hugged Jason back.  “Hey, at least she didn’t ship me off to some sort of gay conversion house.”</p><p>Jason pulled back, hands gripping Peter’s shoulders.  “Well, I’m here for you.  Anytime you need to talk.”</p><p>Peter laughed through the tears he was holding back.  “Thanks, Jason.”</p><p>The blonde smiled  “Anytime.”  He returned to his own side of the room, sitting on the bed and pulling out what looked like a notepad, beginning to sketch.  Peter busied himself with his bags, every now and then glancing over at Jason.  Once in a while, Jason would catch him looking and smile.  Those blue eyes were absolutely captivating, that smile gorgeous.</p><p>Fuck.  Peter was so totally screwed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am a garbage person.  Somebody stop me.</p><p>Millenium III and Relient K are religious bands that I fell in love with at Jesus camp.  <i>Some Like it Hot</i> is one of the greatest and funniest classic films ever with a kind of gay ending. Not sure if Jason could actually get away with a poster from it cuz it's definitely men in drag, but they're not doing it for kicks, they're doing it to go undercover, so it's a possibility.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tim is the name of Jason's former roommate.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter hadn’t slept well, though he hadn’t expected to.  He never slept well in new places, and this was about as foreign as it could get.  If it hadn’t been for meeting Jason, he doubted he would have slept at all, but having that reassurance that there was someone there that understood him had helped him to relax, if only ever so slightly.</p><p>Jason had also been amazing that night, keeping the door closed and just sticking with Peter, no matter how many people came by.  Peter had been terrified that he was going to have to meet a myriad of new faces but anytime a knock came on the door, Jason would smile reassuringly and go poke his head out, softly telling whoever it was that he was busy and would have to hang out another time.  They missed dinner, with Jason reaching under his bed and dragging out a bag full of junk food, grinning as he offered a poptart.  “I’m not supposed to have them up here.”  Peter had laughed and the two had binged all evening, talking about the movies and the music they loved long into the night.  They stayed away from the topic of Claire and how Peter had ended up here.  Jason seemed to understand that they had discussed it enough for one day.  By the time they went to bed, Peter’s spirit was flying much higher than it had in months.</p><p>Lying in bed, he stared across the room at where the other boy lay, fast asleep.   He still couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found such a wonderful friend so quickly.  Not just that, but an accepting one.</p><p>As if sensing the attention, Jason blinked awake. Those beautiful blue eyes locked onto Peter, who flushed at being caught staring.  Jason smiled sleepily.  “Hi.”</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>“Did you sleep okay?”</p><p>Peter shrugged.  “Pretty well.”</p><p>“Good.”  Jason sat up and stretched.  His hair was a mess.  Tucking his legs up beneath him, he turned his attention to Peter again.  “Do you feel alright?”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“Your first day.”</p><p>The words alone made Peter squirm.  “No.”  The thought of having to go and face all those strangers didn’t sit well at all.</p><p>Jason nodded sympathetically.  “It’ll be okay.  We’re the same grade, so I’ll be there.”</p><p>God, how did he always know the right thing to say?  Peter smiled.  “Thanks.”</p><p>“Always.”  That smile, so open and honest.  “Right.”  Jason slid off the bed.  “Time to get dressed.”</p><p>Oh, <i>shit</i>.  Realization hit that he had never hung up his clothes last night.  They were going to be a mess.  Peter threw his suitcase open and yes, there they were, even more crumpled than he had expected.  Last night, he had only gone so far as pulling out the few essentials, making his bed with Jason’s help and grabbing his pajamas for the night.  He had completely forgotten to take out his clothes for school.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>He looked up, stricken.  “My clothes.”  They were a mess of wrinkles. Being the new kid was going to be bad enough without looking like such a disaster. </p><p>“....oh.”  Jason regarded him, contemplating, as Peter panicked. “Wear some of mine.”</p><p>Peter’s head whipped about to stare.  “....yours?”  Jason nodded.  For some inexplicable reason, flutters began stirring in Peter’s belly.  He shoved them away.  “You’d be okay with that?”</p><p>Jason rolled his eyes.  “Peter, I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”  He moved to his closet to grab some clothes.  For the first time, Peter noticed that Jason was stripped down to just his pajama bottoms.  He was slightly more muscular than Peter was, who still hadn’t really begun to hit his growth spurt.  Those irritating flutters returned.  </p><p>“Here.”  Jason turned, arms full of a pair of pants, a button down, and a blazer.  “They should fit just fine.”</p><p>Peter immediately flushed, hoping he hadn’t been staring.  “Thanks.”  He turned away and busied himself with getting dressed.  The clothes fit fairly well, considering.  They really weren’t that different in size, though from the looks of things, he would guess Jason was going to outstrip him in height. </p><p>Jason looked him over.  “Well, those fit alright.”</p><p>“Yeah.”  Peter fidgeted beneath the attention as Jason looked him up and down, feeling the flush return as Jason smiled at him. </p><p>“You look good.”</p><p>“....thanks.”</p><p>“Oh!”  Turning to his closet, Jason grabbed a tie, turning back with a grin.  “Can’t forget this.”</p><p>Peter had to laugh.  “Can’t forget the tie.”  He took it from Jason, but it was hard to get it straight when Jason was so close, watching him.  He laughed.  “Can’t get it.”</p><p>“Here.”  Jason stepped in, then paused.  “Can I?”</p><p>This was the worst of all ideas.  Still, Peter nodded.  “Please.”</p><p>Jason’s blue eyes were so intense as he carefully tied the knot in Peter’s tie.  <i>God</i>, Peter prayed, <i>thank you so much for giving me such an amazing roommate, but did he <b>really</b> have to be cute?</i></p><p>Finished, Jason looked up at Peter and smiled.  “All set.”</p><p>Somehow, Peter managed a natural smile.  “Thanks.”  He took a deep breath.  “Well, shall we?”</p><p>Jason’s expression was reassuring.  “Hey.  I’m here.”</p><p>Two words, yet they were so comforting.  Peter felt those nerves calm ever so slightly; he smiled.  “Thanks, Jason.”</p><p>Jason opened the door and headed into the hallway.  Peter watched him go, sighing as he followed.</p><p>
  <i><b>Why</b> did he have to be cute?</i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>~*~ </i>
</p><p> </p><p>One thing Peter quickly discovered is that the school wasn’t NEARLY as big as it looked from the outside.  He had been expecting to be overwhelmed by a swarm of students, but there really weren’t that many.  His old school back home had nearly the same amount.  In addition, the younger grades were much smaller. He and Jason really would be in all the same classes.  </p><p>Unfortunately, he was getting exactly what he had known he was in for: everyone was staring.  <i>God</i>, he hated being the new kid.</p><p>Jason could see that he was uncomfortable.  He leaned in.  “Relax,” he said softly.</p><p>“Everyone is staring.”</p><p>“They’re wondering who this intriguing stranger is.”</p><p>Laughing, Peter punched Jason’s shoulder.  “Ass.”</p><p>They found their way into the cafeteria and were greeted with a huge crowd.  Jason could immediately see the panic attack Peter was barely suppressing.  “Hey…..it’s okay.  We’ll just get our food and find somewhere quiet to sit.”</p><p>Peter somehow doubted there was anywhere even close to quiet in this room, but to his surprise, they bypassed the tables altogether and headed out into the hallway.  He could hear people calling out to Jason as they passed, but Jason merely waved and headed on.  </p><p>The hallway was thankfully empty of everyone but one girl, who Peter immediately recognized from the photo in their room.  “You’re late.”</p><p>“Good morning to you too, Nadia.”</p><p>She rose, moving to give Jason a hug.  Then those calculating eyes turned their attention on Peter.  “Who are you?”</p><p>Jason heaved a sigh.  “<i>God</i>, Nadia, can you just not be you for five seconds and be nice for once?”</p><p>“Hey, I am the <i>definition</i> of nice.”</p><p>“Oh, sure.”</p><p>Their banter set Peter even more at ease and he found himself smiling.  He waited until the talk had died down and then offered a hand.  “Peter.”</p><p>“My new roommate,” Jason filled in.</p><p>Nadia glanced at Jason.  “Good thing?  Bad thing?”  It should have seemed shocking that she would be so blatant in front of him, but Peter was quickly realizing this was just how Nadia was and he should take everything she said with a grain of salt.  For some reason, despite the fragile state he was in, he found he kind of liked it.</p><p>Jason raised his eyes to the heavens.  “I swear to God, Nadia, you are the worst.”</p><p>“I am <i>amazing</i>.”</p><p>He shook his head, then looked to Peter, smiling.  “Good.  Definitely good.”</p><p>That stupid wobbly feeling was back, making his stomach turn flip-flops, but Peter couldn’t help smiling back.  </p><p>“Well, that’s good, then.”  They all sat to eat.  “Tim was kind of an asshole.”</p><p>“Nadia!”</p><p>“What?  He was.”</p><p>“You’re amazing at first impressions, you know that?”</p><p>Nadia glanced at Peter, who was doing his best to stifle his laughter, then arched a brow at Jason.  “He doesn’t seem all that broken up about it.”</p><p>Jason saw Peter laughing and groaned.  “Peter please, don’t encourage her.”</p><p>But Peter couldn’t help himself.  The banter, the amazing sibling chemistry and brother-sister bond the two of them had, was so natural and hilarious, and Peter loved it.  He had been right last night: he had barely spoken to Nadia but he already loved her.  Now he had two friends.  Amazingly, despite all of his reservations and his fear, things were starting out okay.</p><p>Now just to keep that traction going.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a relief to get the first class over with.  Peter had hated having to stand up in front of the room and introduce himself to everyone.  It was so embarrassing.  But there was Jason, eyes giving him silent encouragement, and that made it somewhat easier, allowing him to find his voice.  </p><p>He met so many people that day that the names swirled in his head.  Jason seemed to be constantly surrounded by people, though he didn’t look as though he particularly liked it.  It was all extremely overwhelming, and Peter was relieved to get back to their room that night.</p><p>He looked up as Jason entered the room, fresh from the showers.  Peter himself had gone earlier.  He still really didn’t like this idea of a communal shower room, liked it even less than the idea of having a roommate. Not that that idea bothered him any longer…</p><p>Jason raised a brow.  “Doing okay?”</p><p>Peter nodded.  “Yeah.  Just….a lot to take in.”</p><p>Jason laughed.  “Yeah.  I remember my first day.”</p><p>“When did you start?”</p><p>“Sixth grade.”</p><p>Sixth grade.  Peter couldn’t imagine having been here over a year already.  Then the truth hit that he was going to be here for five more years and utter despair overwhelmed him.  He buried his face in his hands.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” Jason was at his side immediately, arms wrapping around Peter.  “It’s okay.  You’re going to be okay.”</p><p>Peter forced back the tears.  If all he did was cry, Jason was going to get sick of him incredibly fast.  “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Peter, stop that.”  </p><p>For a second, panic shot through Peter.  Jason was already sick of him.  He knew it, he knew this was going to happen.  But Jason only took Peter’s face in his hand, forcing him to make eye contact.</p><p>“Do <i>not</i> say you’re sorry.  You don’t ever have to apologize to me.  Not for being emotional.  You have every right to be upset.  You feel your feelings, and never feel bad for it, and know that you can always come to me with them.”</p><p>The words more than anything else brought all that emotion bubbling up and he leaned into Jason, arms coming up to wrap tightly about the other boy.  Jason only pulled Peter closer, gently rocking him as he cried.</p><p>Slowly, the tears tapered off.  Peter pulled back wiping them away.  Jason smiled softly.  “Better?”</p><p>God, Peter felt embarrassed.  Then he scolded himself.  What had Jason just said?  No, he refused to feel bad for this.  He nodded.  “Yeah.  Thank you.”</p><p>Jason punched his shoulder.  “You don’t have to thank me, idiot.  I told you, I want to help.”</p><p>Peter just shook his head.  “I don’t get you.”  Jason tilted his head inquiringly.  “You’ve been so nice to me, right from the start.  Even after--” he broke off, flushing.  But Jason only smiled.</p><p>“Peter….I like you.  I don’t know how many times I can tell you that.”</p><p>Peter could feel his cheeks burning, but he couldn’t help smiling.  “I like you, too.”</p><p>“Well, I would hope so.  Otherwise I’d feel incredibly left out.”</p><p>Laughing, both of them scooted back on Peter’s bed until they could lean back against the wall.  The question that had been bothering Peter since he had shown up resurfaced.</p><p>“So….what’s up with you and everyone else here?”  Jason’s brow furrowed, confused.  <i>God</i>, that was cute.  “You’re so popular.  With everyone.”</p><p>Now Jason was the one blushing.  He picked at the edge of the bedsheet, gaze incredibly focused on it.  “....I don’t know.  I’m just…..I don’t know.”  His voice was frustrated and Peter immediately felt guilty for bringing it up.</p><p>“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said anything.”</p><p>“No, don’t be sorry.  It’s just….” Jason sighed.  “It’s hard.  I guess I’m just…..good at stuff?”</p><p>Peter stared.  “......in what way is that hard?”  Jason didn’t respond, simply looked at him, and he immediately felt terrible.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to….please.  Go on. Good at what?”</p><p>Jason shrugged his shoulders awkwardly.  “Stuff.  Sports, mostly.”</p><p>“What sports?”</p><p>“Baseball, basketball, soccer, lacrosse--”</p><p>“<i>WOW</i>.” Peter, who could barely play baseball, couldn’t fathom someone being good at more than one of those, let alone all of them.  Wait.  “....what else?  What’s ‘mostly’ mean?”</p><p>The blonde was looking increasingly uncomfortable.  “I don’t know.  I do the school plays now and then.  Sketch a bit.”  </p><p>Peter realized that he had seen Jason drawing last night when he had first begun unpacking his bedsheets and pajamas.  “You were doing that last night.”</p><p>Jason sounded as though he wished Peter hadn’t remembered that.  “Yeah.”</p><p>“Can I see?”</p><p>Immediately Jason turned crimson and Peter wondered if that’s what <i>he</i> looked like most of the time.  Probably not.  He doubted he looked that good.</p><p>“...I….”</p><p>“Please?”  He didn’t think Jason would go for the puppy dog eyes but he gave it his best shot.  Jason simply stared at him for a minute and he worried that they had backfired spectacularly.  Instead, Jason nodded wordlessly, a short, quick nod, and slipped from Peter’s bed, heading across the room and pulling the notebook from his bedside table.  He handed it to Peter without looking at him.  Opening it, Peter began to flip through it.  “Jason….these are <i>amazing</i>.”</p><p>“Thank you.”  For some reason, he still sounded funny.  Peter couldn’t stop looking.  There were drawings of Nadia, of other students that Peter had met that day but whose names he couldn’t recollect, still lifes….then he came to the last page and his breath caught.</p><p>It was him.  </p><p>He looked up at Jason, still pink faced.  “I’m sorry,” Jason apologized.  “I’m sorry if that’s weird.  You just….I’m trying to work on drawing objects in motion and you….well…..you made a really good subject.”  He sounded ridiculously embarrassed.</p><p>Peter looked at the drawing.  It was rough but unmistakably him.  He wanted to just sit there and stare at it, so beyond touched that Jason had chosen him as a subject, but he could tell that Jason was dying from embarrassment.  Looking up, he smiled.  “You made me look <i>way</i> better than I do in person.”</p><p>That broke the tension and Jason burst out laughing.  “That is not true, you ass.”</p><p>“Oh come on.  This?”  He held up the notepad.  “This is <i>sexy</i>.”</p><p>“It's a bunch of scribbles!”</p><p>“Yeah, <i>sexy</i> scribbles!”</p><p>“You are <i>such</i> an ass.”  Jason managed to snatch his notepad out of Peter’s hand, shaking his head.  Peter only grinned, happy to see Jason smiling again.  The blonde looked up at him.</p><p>“You wanna watch a movie?”</p><p>Peter’s brow furrowed.  “We don’t have a tv.”</p><p>“We can use my cellphone, rent something off YouTube.”</p><p>Oh.  Peter had never thought of that.  He smiled.  “That sounds awesome.”</p><p>“Okay.”  Jason climbed up onto the bed beside him and nudged his shoulder.  “Move over.”</p><p>Peter complied, completely taken aback when Jason fluffed up a pillow and lay back against it.  He simply stared.  Jason grabbed his shirt sleeve, giving it a tug.  “Come on.”</p><p>Dumbly, he lay back beside Jason, who was busy flipping through YouTube.  “What do you feel like?  Comedy, Drama?  Classic film or something more modern?”</p><p>“Maybe a classic?”</p><p>“Classic it is.”  Jason paused as he thought.  A grin lit up his face as he looked at Peter with those beautiful eyes.  “You ever seen <i>It Happened One Night</i>?”</p><p>Peter stared.  “Jason.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You’re asking if I’ve seen <i>It Happened One Night</i>.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Me.”</p><p>“.....yeah?”</p><p>“I got in trouble for wearing makeup and playing with dress scarves.  Yeah, Jason, I think I’ve seen <i>It Happened One Night</i>.”</p><p>There it was, that gorgeous laughter that Peter was so quickly falling in love with.  “Well, do you want to watch it?”</p><p>Peter smiled.  “I’m always up for Clark Gable.”</p><p>Laughing, Jason punched the title into the YouTube search, happily finding it there.  “Clark Gable it is.  Oh, wait.” He got up and crossed the room, shutting off the lights.  “Gotta set that movie theatre mood.”</p><p>Oh God, did he <i>have</i> to use the term ‘set the mood’?  He was so completely oblivious, so straight that it hurt.  Peter managed to smile.  He could deal with this.  It was worth it to not ruin the most amazing friendship he had ever had.</p><p>The two of them settled back against the pillows to watch their movie.  As it played, Peter snuck a glance over at Jason.  The blonde looked back at him.</p><p>“What,” Jason asked, a smile slowly growing.  “What is it?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Peter answered.  “Just happy.”</p><p>The words made Jason’s face light up, glowing with happiness.  “I’m so glad, Peter.”</p><p>Their faces were mere inches apart.  It would be so easy to close that gap for a kiss.  Peter shoved those feelings away, turning back to the movie.  It had always been one of his favorites, the mix of comedy and romance, and as he had said, Clark Gable.  One time while playing Trivial Pursuit with his mother, the question had come up ‘what movie had Clark Gable appeared shirtless in’.  He’d had to bite back his response of ‘ideally, all of them’ but come on.  The man was gorgeous.</p><p>He stared at the tiny screen that Jason held in his hand, the couple there.  <i>“Have you ever been in love, Peter?”</i> Claudette Colbert asked.  The words struck him like a knife in his heart. </p><p>
  <i>“Me?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Yes. Haven’t you ever thought about it at all?  It seems to me you could make some girl wonderfully happy.”</i>
</p><p>Peter could feel that ache, that deep ache that he got whenever his mother looked at him that strange sad way, whenever he heard Father Joe or any of the visiting priests or Deacons give a homily that referenced homosexuality.  Anytime anyone made him feel that who he was was sick and wrong.</p><p>
  <i>“Sure, I’ve thought about it. Who hasn’t?  If I could ever meet the right sort of girl.  Aw, where you gonna find her?  Somebody that’s real.  Somebody that’s alive.”</i>
</p><p>He was all too aware of Jason’s body beside him.  Jason, who in these past two days had made him feel more welcome and alive and even loved than he had felt since he was eight.  Jason, who he suddenly realized, was looking at him.  Peter flushed.  “What.”</p><p>Jason’s smile was somewhat sad.  “Hey.  Someday, Peter, you’re going to fall in love.  You’re going to find somebody amazing.  Someone you deserve.”  And then, in a move that shocked Peter to his very core, he reached out, fingertips brushing Peter’s cheek ever so lightly.  “Don’t let anyone make you feel like shit, okay?”</p><p>“I…” Peter couldn’t find any words.  Some part of his mind prayed that Jason couldn’t feel how much he was blushing.  His ears were burning and he was grateful for the darkness of the room.  But Jason seemed to be waiting expectantly for an answer.  “Okay.”</p><p>Jason smiled, a last encouraging smile, and turned back to the film.</p><p>Peter felt stunned.  He returned his attention to the movie, but was only slightly aware of what was happening onscreen.</p><p><i>Please God</i>, he prayed, <i>help me</i>.  This couldn’t happen.  Not this.  </p><p>But with Jason pressed against him, shoulder to shoulder, his body radiating warmth, it was hard to find the conviction to pray for anything at all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>'It Happened One Night' is an amazing film and everyone should watch it.  </p><p>By communal showers, I do NOT mean like you find at the gym or pool.  Just a shared bathroom.</p><p>I'm not sure how much I'm going to get to insert more characters than Nadia and Ivy because honestly you don't get to know them much.  Obviously Matt will be in here some but I want to stick to what I'm most comfortable with.  Sorry if that saddens anyone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Peter woke up the next morning, Jason was fast asleep beside him.  He jumped in surprise, scooting backwards on the bed, then froze, terrified he would wake the other boy.  Still, Jason slept, and Peter felt a wave of relief.  Even so, he couldn’t believe what he saw. </p><p>After <i>It Happened One Night</i>, they had begun surfing YouTube, watching everything from videos of Relient K to footage of Robin Williams doing stand-up.  He didn’t even know how many videos they had watched but it was clear they had fallen asleep during one of them.</p><p>He looked down at Jason.  The blonde looked so peaceful.  It was all Peter could do not to reach out and stroke that lovely hair, to see how soft it was.  But it had to be getting close to time to wake up.</p><p>Carefully, he reached for his alarm clock.  Unfortunately, to do so, he had to stretch across Jason.  Just as he was about to grab it, the alarm went off and Jason shot awake.  He snapped up in surprise, colliding with Peter and sending him off balance.  The two fell back onto the bed, Peter landing half atop Jason.</p><p>Peter knew he must be crimson.  “....hi.”</p><p>The startled expression on Jason’s face faded as he laughed.  “Good morning.”</p><p>“I was just…..I wanted to check the clock.”  Jason was only inches away, those blue eyes so distracting.  And Peter was still just lying there on top of him.  He became suddenly aware that Jason’s hand was resting on the small of his back.  <i>Fuck</i>.  What was that <i>doing</i> there?  Quickly, he scrambled backwards and off of Jason.  “Sorry.”</p><p>Jason only shook his head.  “Peter, stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.”  Reaching out, he hit the alarm clock, shutting it off.  “Looks like we fell asleep.”</p><p>“Yeah.”  <i>God</i>, Peter hoped this wasn’t weird.  He had enjoyed movie night, liked having Jason curled up so close beside him.  But the blonde only smiled.</p><p>“Whoops?”</p><p>Peter couldn’t help a burst of laughter.  “Whoops,” he agreed.</p><p>“Guess we’d better get ready for class.”</p><p>Peter watched Jason slide out of his bed and cross the room to his closet.  It took a moment before he could shake himself out of his distraction and move to get dressed.  His clothes looked at least somewhat more respectable.  They didn’t have an iron in their room but Jason had the idea to bring the next day’s outfit to the bathroom and hang it up while he showered, let the steam ease some of the wrinkles out a little.  It <i>had</i> helped, and now he didn’t look nearly as bad.  </p><p> Jason gave him a once-over.  “It looks great.”</p><p>Peter smiled.  “Thanks to you.”</p><p>Jason only grabbed him by the lapel of his jacket and gave him a tug.  “Come on, Simmonds.  Let’s get down to breakfast.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>That morning, Peter was able to begin putting some names to faces.  Lucas was easy.  He showed up in the hallway and plopped down beside them, a Red Bull in hand.  Red Bull, at that hour.  Peter felt in some way, it should make sense, an energy drink to wake up, but it still felt a little early to him.</p><p>“Again with the Red Bull,” Nadia commented.  Lucas merely raised his brows.</p><p>“You say that like this is the first one I’ve had today.”</p><p>Okay yeah, it was weird.  Peter couldn’t imagine having one, let alone….however many this guy had drank already.  But Lucas was offering a hand.  “Lucas.”</p><p>“Oh.  Hi.  I’m--”</p><p>“Peter.  Yeah, I got that yesterday.”</p><p>Peter flushed at the words, but said nothing.  Jason glowered.  “Don’t be a dick, Lucas.”</p><p>“It’s his natural state,” Nadia replied.</p><p>Lucas didn’t contest the point, merely raised the Red Bull in a toast and drained what was left.  “You guys trying out for the play this year?”</p><p>For some reason, Jason glanced at Peter; Peter couldn’t fathom why.  It was as if he was waiting for an answer, or permission.  “I’m not sure yet.”  </p><p>Lucas’ gaze turned to Peter and he felt himself flush.  “I….probably not.”  He still didn’t know anyone but Jason and Nadia.  There was no way he could get up the courage to audition for a play.</p><p>“Not an actor, or just not interested?”</p><p>“No, I act, I just--”</p><p>“You act?”</p><p>Surprised at the interjection, Peter turned to Jason.  Jason, who looked completely taken aback at this news, and somewhat disappointed that Peter hadn’t told him already.  He shrugged.  “Kind of?  The school plays, I mean.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?”  </p><p>Nadia looked at her brother as if he was crazy.  “Jason, it’s been two days.  Chill out.”</p><p>Jason did as he was told and bit back whatever he had been about to say, but Peter could tell from his expression that he wasn’t done; they would be talking about this later.  For some reason, it made him want to smile.  Jason cared.  </p><p>He was walking on air for the rest of the day.</p><p>Sure enough, Jason brought it up as soon as they got to their room that night.  “Why the heck didn’t you mention that you act?”</p><p>Peter stifled a laugh, mimicking,  “Jason, it's been two days.  Chill out.”</p><p>Jason gave him an evil look.  “That’s a horrible Nadia impression. Are you sure you’re an actor?”  </p><p>“Hey!”  Laughing, Peter grabbed the pillow from his bed and walloped Jason with it.  Jason ducked, grinning.  </p><p>“So.”  He jumped up onto Peter’s bed, which gave Peter those stupid stomach butterflies again.  “What did you do?  What shows?”</p><p>Kicking off his shoes, he joined Jason.  “A bunch.”</p><p>Jason rolled his eyes.  “Gee, thanks for that very illuminating answer.” Peter laughed.</p><p>“You’re very welcome.”  He shrugged.  “Mainly basic Shakespeare.  Mostly supporting roles.  Decent sized.  Macduff.  Laertes.  Not any of the leading roles.”  He paused.  “I sing a bit, too.  Not a lot, but I was in the musicals.  Again, just supporting roles.”</p><p>“Peter, that’s awesome!”</p><p>Peter flushed.  “It’s okay.  I’m not great.”</p><p>“It’s awesome.”</p><p>“Jason…”</p><p>“Well, <i>I</i> think it’s awesome.”</p><p>Peter knocked his shoulder against Jason’s.  “Because you’re the nicest person ever.”</p><p>Jason laughed.  “I think someone else in this room claims that title.”</p><p>Peter didn’t know what to say.  His face was burning.  “You know something, Jay, you never know when to shut your mouth.”</p><p>“....did you just call me Jay?”</p><p>Immediately, Peter began to feel nervous.  “.....yes?”</p><p>“No one but Nadia calls me that.”</p><p><i>Oh God</i>.  “Sorry.  I didn’t mean to--”</p><p>“No.”  Jason was shaking his head, a smile setting his face aglow.  “I like it.”</p><p>  A huge wave of happiness washed over Peter like a tidal wave.  “Yeah?”</p><p>Jason nodded.  <i>Lord</i>, that smile was beautiful.  “Yeah.”</p><p>Peter didn’t know what to say.  “Okay….Jay.  Well.....you want to watch a movie again?”</p><p>Jason smiled.  “That sounds great.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Slowly but surely, the days passed.  Peter came to know more and more students, though he spent most of his time with Jason and Nadia.  Lucas was a bit much for him and while Matt was nice enough, he had an air about him that put Peter off, a strange sense of entitlement.  There was also Ivy, who Peter immediately disliked.  The instant he met her, he could tell: she liked Jason. It wasn’t even Jason for himself, it was because he was good looking, and good at things.  It was a superficial sort of interest.  Peter hated that no matter who it involved, but this?  This was Jason.  Jason, who was so sweet and funny and had opened his heart to Peter without hesitation.  He deserved better than that.</p><p>
  <i>And you think you can be that to him?</i>
</p><p>He yelled at that voice in his head, trying to silence it.  Still, it somehow never completely went away.  Not when he got to spend every night alone with Jason, shut into their room, either playing music or watching movies or just staying up talking for hours at a time.  This time was precious and absolutely everything Peter could ever want.  Something told him it wouldn’t be this way forever, but he pushed the thought away; he would cling to this time for as long as he was able.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>One day he arrived in gym class only to see Sister Chantelle leading the girls to another room.  He felt a wave of confusion, and disappointment.  First of all, where were the girls going, and second of all, why did they get to go with Sister Chantelle while the boys were stuck here?  He actually liked Sister Chantelle, though she had scared him initially.  She just didn’t hold back or pull any punches, and it had intimated him, but he quickly saw her softer side.  Before he could ask anyone what was going on, their gym teacher, Mr. Ryans, entered.</p><p>“Hello, boys.”  His tone was gruff.  Immediately, he began handing out pamphlets, and it all clicked into place.  </p><p>Sex Ed.  They were about to have Sex Ed.  </p><p><i>Oh God</i>.</p><p>Mr. Ryans pulled down the projector screen and then there was no avoiding it.   Peter wanted to sink through the floor and disappear.  Instead he did his very best to look as if he was paying attention. </p><p>The boys around the room kept making lewd jokes at every fact revealed, each photo of a penis. Peter could feel his face burning.  He risked a glance at Jason and was completely taken aback to see that Jason was as red as he was.</p><p>After what seemed like hours, the presentation ended.  Peter felt a wave of utter relief.  They could leave.  He tried to block out all the dick jokes the other boys were making, but it was too difficult to ignore.  He didn’t know how he would make it through the rest of this day if he had to listen to that.  Grabbing his bag, he turned to leave, but to his surprise, Jason hadn’t moved, his face still bright red.  “Jay?”</p><p>The sound of that name stirred the boy from his thoughts; he looked up at Peter, cheeks flushed.  “Hi.”</p><p>“Hi.”  Peter raised a brow.  “You okay?”</p><p>At the question, Jason seemed to realize that the room was empty but for the two of them, and he shot to his feet.  “Yes.  Yes, I’m fine.”  Stuffing the pamphlet in his pocket, he shouldered his bag and turned to Peter, but the smile he gave was somewhat tense.  “You ready?”</p><p>Whatever Jason said, he was not fine.  Something was off for the rest of the day, and even once they got back to their room.  Peter put on <i>Some Like it Hot</i>, the film they had initially bonded over, and that seemed to help somewhat.  For the first time since class, Jason relaxed, settling back into the pillows, his body that familiar presence beside Peter. It had been a hard day for Peter as well.  He hadn’t realized it until now, but he had been tense all day, too attuned to Jason’s anxiety to really relax at all.  Now that Jason was calm, he too could relax, and both of them ended up falling asleep before the end of the film.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Shit!”</p><p>Peter was startled awake by the sound of Jason cursing.  His voice was panicked, and immediately Peter’s heart leapt.  “Jay?”</p><p>“<i>Fuck</i>.”  </p><p>Peter struggled to rub the sleep from his eyes.  “Jason, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Peter, go back to sleep.”</p><p>How the hell did Jason think he could sleep after being woken up to this?  “Jason, what is it?”  But Jason refused to turn around, to face him.  He busied himself with gathering his things, picking up a towel and his shampoo, slipping on his shower shoes.  “I’m gonna go shower.”</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine.  Really.  I just….I need to shower.”</p><p>“O...okay,” Peter spoke to Jason’s back as he vanished out the door.  <i>What the hell was <b>that</b> about?</i></p><p>Peter glanced at the clock.  It was only eight.  What on earth had gotten Jason up so early?  It was a Saturday and they had no classes today.  Generally they took advantage of weekends and would sleep in.  Even Jason’s early shower was unusual.  Granted, it wasn’t strange to wait until Saturday morning rather than showering the night before.  They often took Friday evening to kick back and relax, hanging out with their friends before returning to their room for their usual movie night.  But to be up and showering this early?  That was strange.  Still, Peter supposed he may as well hit the showers as well.  It was highly unlikely any other boys would be up and in the showers at this time of the morning, and try as he might, he still couldn’t get used to showering with other boys in the room.  This would be nice.</p><p>He was in luck: the only towel in the room was Jason's.  He didn't have to worry about anyone else. Then he heard a sound, almost like a gasp.  Immediately he was worried.  Was Jason okay?  He opened his mouth to speak, but then came a moan.  That….that was out of place. Another moan, and it tugged at something deep inside of Peter. He didn’t know what was happening but he shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be listening to this.  Whatever was going on in there, it was private.  He wasn’t going to creep on Jason this way, no matter how amazing the sounds were.  He slowly turned to leave...</p><p>“<i>Peter</i>.”</p><p>And froze.</p><p>That was his name.  Jason had definitely just moaned his name.</p><p>Peter stood there, unable to move.  Had he heard what he thought he heard?  There was no way Jason had just said his name, especially not like that.  Jason wasn’t gay.  He had no reason to moan Peter’s name.  But the way he had fled the room, fled Peter’s bed…..was it possible?</p><p>The shower shut off and utter panic flooded Peter.  He didn’t have time to move before Jason was pushing back the curtain, towel around his waist.  Those beautiful blue eyes looked shocked to see Peter there.  Shocked and almost….afraid?</p><p>“Peter.”</p><p>Peter struggled to look natural and not at all like someone who just found their best friend moaning their name in the shower.  He didn’t know that he succeeded.  “Hi.”</p><p>“You….you’re…..how long have you been there?”</p><p>“I just got here.”</p><p>Relief washed over Jason’s face.  “Oh.”  Peter wasn’t certain whether that reaction was positive or negative.  If Jason hadn’t wanted him to hear, maybe he did have feelings for Peter.  But no, it just seemed too far outside the realm of possibility.  It was then that he got distracted by Jason’s chest, the water droplets making their way downwards over his belly and disappearing below the towel….</p><p>“So.”  Jason’s voice startled Peter and he immediately turned bright red.  He had totally been staring blatantly at Jason’s semi-nudity, and been caught.  If Jason was bothered, he didn’t say anything, merely shifted awkwardly.  “I’m going to go get dressed.”</p><p>“Yeah.  Good plan.”  As soon as Jason left the room, Peter let out a noise of frustration, banging his head against the tile wall.  <i>God</i>, why was he so awkward?  </p><p>No matter what the truth was, the two of them had the whole day to spend together.   How would he handle this, after possibly hearing Jason….</p><p>An even greater problem greeted him in the shower, and he cursed himself for walking in on whatever exactly it was he had heard.  It had sent his mind to a horrible place and now he was greeted with an unwanted guest.  Even worse was that, after what he had heard, all he could picture was Jason.  It felt so horribly wrong to touch himself with Jason in mind and he tried to banish the mental images, but that gorgeous smile, those beautiful blue eyes, just wouldn’t leave him alone, and he came with Jason’s face in mind.  </p><p>Immediately overcome with guilt, he scrubbed himself clean as hard as possible, but he knew there was no way to wipe clean the feelings.  Drying himself off, he returned to their bedroom.  Nadia was there, seated on Jason’s bed.  Peter didn’t know if he should feel happy or sad about that.  He liked Nadia and enjoyed spending time with her, and in addition, he knew he would feel awkward alone with Jason after what had just happened. Still, part of him wanted to be alone with Jason, even if it was a horrible idea right now. </p><p>Nadia glanced his way.  “Nice towel, Simmonds.”</p><p>Peter blushed.  Jason actually smiled, making Peter feel a bit better about all that had just happened.  “Nadia, leave him alone.  And while we’re at it, leave for a minute.  Let Peter put some pants on.”</p><p>“You sure?”  Nadia was giving Jason some sort of look that Peter couldn’t quite decipher, but whatever it was, it made Jason flush.  “Fine, fine.  I’ll be waiting outside.”  She left, shutting the door behind her and leaving them both in silence.</p><p>“....so…..Nadia.”</p><p>“She came to drag us off to a group hangout today.”</p><p>Yet again, Peter was torn.  It was probably a good idea but he also sort of wanted to sit here and hash out whatever this was that had just happened.  But if Jason wanted to avoid the topic, maybe that was for the best.  They were such good friends; Peter didn’t want to ruin that.  “Sounds good.”</p><p>There came a knocking on the door; Nadia poked her head in, a hand over her eyes.  “Peter, are you dressed yet?”</p><p>He had to laugh.  “Just need the socks and shoes.”</p><p>“Well, hurry up.  We’ve got places to be.”</p><p>Peter turned to Jason and smiled.  He was relieved when Jason returned the look.  It didn’t seem as though anything had changed.  They were fine.  He didn’t know what he would do otherwise.  Jason had brought a light into Peter’s life that Peter had never known before.  He didn’t know what he would do if he lost it; there was no way he was going to say anything and risk messing everything up.  </p><p>Jason raised a brow.  “You ready?”</p><p>Peter smiled.  “Always.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It had been a long day, and a frustrating one.  Under normal circumstances, Peter would have had fun, but his mind was far too preoccupied with what had happened with Jason.  All he wanted to do was get the boy alone and make certain that their friendship was as easy and comfortable as ever.</p><p>Despite the easy way they had bantered during their day with the group, as soon as they were alone together, it felt entirely different.  Silence fell, and Peter’s heart fell with it.  </p><p>Sinking onto his bed, he watched Jason as he kicked off shoes and socks.  “Did you want to watch a movie?”</p><p>Jason shrugged his shoulders awkwardly.  “I don’t know, I’m feeling kind of tired tonight.”</p><p>A horrible fear overwhelmed him.  Maybe he had been wrong earlier.  Maybe everything really had changed.  Then Jason turned and gave him a smile, and it was still that open and honest smile he had fallen for in the first place.  “Raincheck for tomorrow?”</p><p>Peter smiled.  “Tomorrow.”</p><p>Both of them changed and slipped into bed.  Neither knew that the other was silently praying to God for guidance and simultaneously hoping that what happened that day hadn’t cost them everything.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~ </b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm going to tread extremely carefully here.  The boys are obviously going through puberty and having their sexual awakening, but I do NOT want to write underage smut, so I'm going to try to write what they're going through without making it dirty.  I hope it works out.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Peter was startled out of a deep sleep as something slammed against him.  His eyes shot open and he came face to face with Jason.  Jason, who had him pinned to the bed and was nose to nose with him.  Those blue eyes were so close, and all Peter could do was stare, captivated.</p><p>“Good morning.”</p><p>	It was hard to find any words at all.  “Good morning,” Peter finally managed.  After the way last night had ended, the quiet way they had said goodnight, he would never have expected Jason to greet him like <i>this</i>.  Not that he had any objections.</p><p>	“Are you going to stay in bed all day?”</p><p>	Somehow Peter managed to bite back the words that if Jason was willing to stay right where he was then hell yes, Peter would <i>love</i> to stay in bed all day.  “....no.”</p><p>	“Then come on!  We’re taking a trip into town!”</p><p>	The words surprised Peter.  They had never done that before.  He knew the main town wasn’t far from the school (he and his mom had to drive through it to get here in the first place) but he hadn’t actually been there.  “To do what?”</p><p>	Jason still hadn’t gotten off of him.  It was incredibly distracting, but there was no way in hell Peter was going to point it out.  “Go shopping.”</p><p>	Oh, right.  Christmas was coming soon.  He wondered if he should send something home to his mom.  Then the terrifying thought occurred that he had to find something for Jason.  <i>Oh, God</i>.</p><p>	Jason ruffled his hair.  “C’mon, Simmonds.  Up and at ‘em.”  Still, he made no motion to get off of Peter.</p><p>	Peter raised a brow.  “That would be easier if you weren’t on top of me.”</p><p>	Okay, it was worth it to have commented just to see the way that Jason flushed bright red.  “Good point.”  He slid from Peter’s lap, leaving Peter missing the warmth, and gave a little bow.  “My good sir.”</p><p>	Peter couldn’t help but laugh, shaking his head.  “Such a dork.”  Still, at least Jason was back to acting normal.  If this could be called normal.  Jason had never climbed on top of him before. He had no idea what to make of that.</p><p>	When he finished dressing, Jason grabbed his hand and dragged him from their room, laughing all the way downstairs to where the group was waiting.  He was happy to see Nadia, and even Ivy.  Over the past month, Peter had grown to like her.  The two of them had begun to get along during theatre class with Sister Chantelle when they’d had to work together on a reading from <i>A Midsummer Night’s Dream</i>.  He was assigned reading Lysander due to having played the role at his old school. At first, being paired with Ivy had frustrated him to no end, but spending time together during every class and in the evenings, running lines, he had gotten to know her better.  She may not be the type of person he would normally have chosen for a friend, a bit too occupied with her social life and less on school, but she had a sweet side.  He still didn’t like the obvious crush she had on Jason, but clearly he was prejudiced in that matter. </p><p>	The ride into town was barely more than fifteen minutes, which was a good thing, or Sister Chantelle would most likely have killed someone.  Peter would have put money on Lucas, who seemed more hopped up than usual.</p><p>	Town was beautiful.  He was so glad he got to see it for real and not just a brief drive through with his mother.  All of the Christmas lights were up and it looked like some sort of mystical hidden town, like the North Pole or something even more special.</p><p>	“What.”  Peter turned at the question.  Jason was eyeing him, a smile on his face.  “What is that look. Why’re you smiling like that.”</p><p>	Peter shook his head.  “It’s just so pretty.  My town...it’s small.  This looks like….I don’t know.  Something magical.”</p><p>	That made Jason laugh.  Peter gave him a shove.  “Don’t laugh at me!  Jerk.”</p><p>	“I’m sorry, I am.  I guess it’s just cuz I’ve lived here my whole life, I’m used to it.”  He cocked his head, considering, and turned to Peter with a smile.  “It <i>is</i> nice.”</p><p>	“Your whole life, huh?”  Jason nodded.  More daring than he ever thought he could be, Peter linked his arm with Jason’s, smiling at him.  “Give me a tour?”</p><p>	Jason looked surprised at the action, but he only laughed.  “Sure thing.”</p><p>	Together they walked down the street.  Sister Chantelle had given orders that they had two hours before they had to meet back at the bus.  There was so much they could do in two hours.  They wandered the streets, popping into the shops that looked of interest, Jason pointing out every little detail along the way.</p><p>	“Jason?”</p><p>	“Mm?”  He took a handful of the kettle corn they were splitting.</p><p>	“....what do you want for Christmas?”</p><p>	Jason paused, contemplating.  “.....I don’t know.”  He smiled at Peter.  “I have an awesome sister and the best roommate in the world.  What more could I want?”</p><p>	The words made Peter blush; he punched Jason’s shoulder.  “I’m being serious, ass.”</p><p>	“So am I.”  Jason shook his head.  “I can’t think of anything.”  He was frowning now.  “My dad always gives me crap I don’t want or don’t need.”</p><p>	Peter was silent.  Jason had spoken of his dad before, the expectations and pressure that he applied on Jason while simultaneously ignoring Nadia.  He took Jason’s hand and gave it what he hoped was a comforting squeeze.  Jason looked to him.  “I’m sorry,” he said softly.</p><p>	The sadness and frustration on Jason’s face faded away, replaced by a beautiful smile.  “Thanks.”  Peter didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t have to.  Something over his shoulder caught Jason’s eye and the boy’s face lit up.  “Ooh!”  Immediately his grip on Peter’s hand tightened and he began dragging him down the street.  Peter was laughing.</p><p>	“Jason, where are we--” But they were stopping dead, Jason gesturing.</p><p>	“Photo booth.”</p><p>	A photo booth?  That’s what Jason dragged him here for?  “.....you want to take pictures in a photo booth?”</p><p>	Jason nodded.  “Come on,” he wheedled, “it’ll be fun.”  No way could Peter refuse that voice, or the way that Jason squeezed his hand, gently tugging him into the booth, closing the curtain behind them.</p><p>	“Okay,” he said.  “What’re we doing?”</p><p>	“Um…” But the light was blinking, signaling the countdown for the camera.  “Silly ones!  Do silly ones!”</p><p>	As fast as he could, Peter made an utterly ridiculous face, and another.  He could hear Jason snicker and he barely managed to hold an expression for the third photo.  Turning, he saw Jason looking at him,  He smiled.  Then something shifted in those blue eyes.  It was as if they darkened with some sort of emotion, something Peter couldn’t quite read.  He felt heat stirring low in his belly.  There was a flash as the last photo was taken and he jumped, surprised.  </p><p>	“Um.”  He didn’t know what to say.  “....I guess we’d better get the photos.”</p><p>	“Yeah.”  Jason’s voice was a whisper.  Somehow, Peter managed to get to his feet and stumble out of the booth.  Two sets of photos had printed off.  He grabbed them, laughing as he looked at them, the stupid faces they were making, then stopped.  That last photo.  The two of them eyeing each other, looking for all the world as though they were about to kiss.  That expression in their eyes.  It looked an awful lot like….</p><p>	“How’d they come out?”</p><p>	Jason’s voice made him jump; he spun about.  “Uh, here.”  He thrust one of the photo strips at Jason.  It was easy to see when Jason reached that last photo; his entire face changed.  Still, he schooled his expression, looking up at Peter with a smile.  “We look good.”</p><p>	Peter managed a laugh.  “We do.”</p><p>	Jason seemed to hesitate, then, he reached out, offering Peter his hand again.  Peter couldn’t believe it.  Heart pounding, he accepted and, linking arms once more, they headed off into the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	Peter couldn’t believe what an amazing Christmas he had that year.  He was woken yet again by Jason getting up in his face.  It was coming to be a normal occurrence, which he did not mind at all.  The two of them exchanged gifts first thing that morning.  Jason had gotten him a copy of <i>the Celluloid Closet</i> by Vito Russo.  It was all about the history of homosexuality in films, from the very first movies ever, throughout films under the Hays Code, up through films in modern times.  Peter felt as though his heart was going to fly away when he opened it.</p><p>“Jason….I can’t…...I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>Jason looked ridiculously pleased.  “You like it?”</p><p>“I love it!”  He was going to have to make damn sure to hide it, but it would be worth it.  He couldn’t help pulling Jason into a huge hug.  Laughing, Jason squeezed him tightly back.  God, Jason’s arms always felt so good.  He pulled away before it felt <i>too</i> good.  “Here.”  He handed Jason his gift. </p><p>Jason tore into it, revealing one of TCM’s Greatest Film collections, a four DVD set of <i>the Thin Man</i> films.  He looked up at Peter, who was watching him nervously.  “Are you kidding me?”  Before Peter could say a word, he was being squeezed again.  “Thank you!”</p><p>Peter was so happy.  “I’m so glad you like it.”</p><p>“Peter…” Jason pulled away, eyeing the DVD case.  “Nick and Nora Charles are Relationship Goals.”</p><p>Peter couldn’t help but laugh.  “Definitely agree.”</p><p>Jason looked up, and the smile on his face was so beautiful.  He was looking at Peter in a way Peter wasn’t used to, a way he had seen more and more lately, mostly when Jason thought he wasn’t looking.  There was something there so deep, so emotional.  “Thank you, Peter.”</p><p>Peter could only smile.  His heart was glowing.  “You’re welcome.”</p><p>Jason looked as if he was going to say something else but someone began pounding on the door, ruining the moment.  “Yeah?”</p><p>Nadia poked her head in.  “Are you two coming to breakfast or not?”  Since it was Christmas, they were free from classes that day, if not mass.  Still, all of them had plans to spend the day together, and amazingly, Peter was looking forward to it, even if it meant less time with Jason.</p><p>“We’ll be there in a minute, Nadia!  Geez!  Give us a chance to get dressed!”</p><p>Rolling her eyes, she left them alone.  Jason shook his head.  “Siblings,” he muttered.  Peter stifled a snort of laughter.</p><p>“C’mon.  Let’s get downstairs.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>They’d had an amazing day.  Lucas had tried to wheedle them all into going out in the snow but everyone had shot him down.  They’d had their fill of time in the cold when they walked in town a few days ago; no one was in the mood for a snowball fight.  </p><p>Despite enjoying time with his friends, Peter was still all too happy to be alone with Jason in their room again.  He was always happiest when alone with Jason, and he doubted that would ever change.  “So,” he got comfortable on his bed.  “What did you want to watch?”</p><p>“Hmm.”  Eyes lighting up, Jason grabbed the nearby DVD set that Peter had given him for Christmas and held it up.  “How about we finally watch <i>Thin Man</i>?”</p><p>Peter stared.  “....you <i>are</i> aware we still have no tv, right?”</p><p>Jason rolled his eyes.  “Yes, Peter, I didn’t think we’d watch the DVDs.  We can look it up on YouTube like all the others.”</p><p>“Okay.  Just checking to make sure all your parts were working.”</p><p>For some reason, those words made Jason blush.  Peter wasn’t entirely sure why, but he didn’t care; Jason was gorgeous when he blushed.  He was gorgeous all the time.  Shutting off the lights, he came and slid into bed next to Peter, finding the film on YouTube.</p><p>This was one of Peter’s favorites.  William Powell and Myrna Loy just had such amazing screen chemistry.  The film was so witty, the dialogue wonderful, and the fashion fantastic.  </p><p>“It’s aright, Joe,” Peter spoke along with the film.  “It’s my dog.”  He waved his hand in the air as if gesturing to someone.  “And my wife.”</p><p>Jason gasped, hand to his chest as if mortally offended.  “You might have mentioned me first!”  His voice was in a high falsetto.  Peter burst into laughter.</p><p>“Have I ever told you,” he managed, “that you are a complete ass?”</p><p>	Jason grinned.  “You might have mentioned it.” </p><p>Shaking his head, Peter turned back to the film, watching as the young Dorothy left the screen, automatically echoing the line “pretty girl.”</p><p>“Yes, she’s a very nice type.”</p><p>He looked at Jason, raising a brow as he continued the dialogue.  “You got types?”</p><p>Grinning, Jason turned to him, quoting, “only you, darling.”  He trailed off, the two staring at each other, and that grin faded.  They were so close.  He couldn’t resist letting his gaze slip to Peter’s lips.  Immediately he realized how obvious the attention would be and flushed, so thankful that the blush would be hidden in the darkness of the room.</p><p>Peter, for his part, had not missed the look, and had no idea what to make of it.  He swallowed with some difficulty.  Bumping his shoulder against Jason’s, he managed a smile.  “Watch the movie, dork.”</p><p>The words and action set Jason at ease and he laughed, returning his attention to the film, though his thoughts were anywhere and everywhere else.  Ever since meeting Peter, all of the thoughts and urges he’d had in his life had come bursting to the surface, despite his best efforts to suppress them.  Peter was…..God.  How to even begin to put it into words?  Peter was beyond anything Jason ever thought he would experience.  Peter was so special.  He was sweet and funny and unique and literally every one of Jason’s dreams wrapped into one amazing package, and he was gorgeous on top of that.  It hadn’t taken long at all for Jason to fall for him completely and, he knew, irreversibly.  He thought he could control it but then there was that morning, that horrible morning, where he had awoken in Peter’s bed with a hard-on.  He was fairly certain that he had escaped the room without Peter noticing but he was not as positive about the shower situation.  He’d tried to take care of things but had Peter heard?  He really didn’t know.  That was also a whole new set of issues.  Jerking off while thinking about Peter?  He had prayed for forgiveness every night, but it still felt so horribly wrong.  Peter didn’t deserve it.  </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Jason was startled out of his thoughts by Peter’s hand lightly patting his cheek.  Those beautiful brown eyes were looking at him, head tilted.  “You with me?”</p><p>Jason had to smile.  How could Peter not know the answer to that question?  “Always.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter had expected the year to drag, but it was going by so fast.  He would assume that was mostly to do with Jason, and on some level, he was extremely worried about what would happen when it ended.  His mother had talked about moving up to this state.  There was honestly not much keeping her where she was, and even though Peter would be at school most of the year, it would be nice if they weren’t as far apart as they were now.  Still, such as it was, he would be two states away from Jason for the entire summer.  He couldn’t begin to imagine it.  He didn’t want to.  But right now, it was only mid March, and he would put summer out of his mind.  </p><p>The day had been great.  It had snowed for the past few days, and somehow this time Lucas had succeeded in convincing them all to go outside for a snowball fight.  Ivy hadn’t lasted very long, proclaiming that she was more of an indoor girl.  Peter kind of shared that sentiment, but it was hard not to have fun when Jason was enjoying himself so much.  Still, when he got pounced on and Jason shoved a handful of snow down his jacket, that was about the end of that.</p><p>“Oh, no way.  You are SO in for it tonight, McConnell!”</p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>Peter stared up at Jason, who was looking down at Peter with huge eyes as though he couldn’t quite believe what he had just said.</p><p>“What?” The word was weak.  Peter didn’t have the first idea what to say.  </p><p>Jason’s only response was to roll off of Peter’s lap and to his feet.  “I think that’s enough snow for the day.”  Peter merely stared at him, completely lost.  Jason offered a hand.  “Inside?”  Peter nodded dumbly, allowing Jason to tug him to his feet.  He was vaguely aware of a snowball hitting him in the back of his head as he followed Jason to the building, but he couldn’t pay it much attention; his mind was too distracted by that one little word.</p><p>
  <i>Promise?</i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jason wanted to die.  What the hell was wrong with him?  Peter had just been looking up with him with those stupid, beautiful eyes, and that smile that never ceased to make his stomach do flip-flops, and it had just fallen out.</p><p>
  <i>Promise?</i>
</p><p>He banged his head against the wall.  What could Peter possibly be thinking of him right now?  He was terrified to even imagine it.</p><p>    The door opened and in came Peter, fresh from the shower.  He gave Jason a somewhat hesitant smile and Lord, there were those dumb flutters again.  “Hey.”</p><p>“Hey.”  Jason shifted where he was already seated on Peter’s bed.  “You still up for movie night?”</p><p>Peter’s smile grew.  “I’m always up for movie night.”</p><p>“Awesome.”  Jason set aside his notepad.</p><p>The notepad.  Realization sank in.  “Hey.”  Jason looked up at Peter.  “I haven’t seen any of your drawings in a while.”</p><p>Immediately, Jason turned bright red.  “I really haven’t been drawing.”</p><p>Well, that was a lie if Peter had ever heard one.  “I’ve seen you with it.”  Jason didn’t say anything.  “Jason.  Why don’t you want me to see it.”</p><p>“Peter, drop it.”</p><p>Peter frowned.  He wasn’t going to let this go, no matter what Jason thought.  He joined Jason on the bed, watching Jason bring YouTube up on his phone.  </p><p>“So, what do you feel like watching?”</p><p>“Why don’t you want me to see your art?”  Jason was silent.  “I know what it is.  You’ve been drawing porn, haven’t you.”</p><p>That broke the tension and Jason burst into laughter.  “Oh my God, you’re such a dick.”</p><p>“I knew it.”</p><p>“I am not drawing porn.”</p><p>“Then why won’t you let me see it?”  Peter tried to reach across Jason to where the notepad sat on the bedside table.  “Let me see.”</p><p>Immediately, Jason went back on the defense, grabbing the notebook to keep it away.  “No!”</p><p>“Jason, I just want to see your drawings.”  Peter gave the book a huge tug, but Jason was so much stronger than him.</p><p>“Peter, let it go!”</p><p>“No!”  He gave a huge tug, pulling the book out of Jason’s grasp and simultaneously managing to yank Jason right on top of him.  “.....oh.  I….”</p><p>Jason stared into Peter’s eyes.  They were so close.  They had been in similar positions so many times, that time when Peter had fallen atop him or just face to face on all the nights they lay close together watching movies, but this was it.  He couldn’t handle it any longer.  Peter was staring up at him with those ridiculously gorgeous eyes, his cheeks flushed, and the last bit of resolve that Jason had crumbled.  Leaning in, he hesitantly, lightly brushed his lips against Peter’s.  There was a sharp intake of breath and immediately he pulled away.  Peter looked shocked, so utterly shocked.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>The word was blurted out and it stopped Jason in his tracks as he was about to move, to roll off of Peter.  “....what?”</p><p>“Why,” Peter repeated.  “Are you sorry because you didn’t mean it or because you don’t think I wanted it?”</p><p>Jason was silent for a long time, not sure how he should answer.  If Peter didn’t want it, this could ruin their entire friendship.  On the other hand, if he <i>did</i> want it, this could be a beginning, the beginning to everything Jason had ever wanted in his life.  “.....because I don’t think you wanted it.”</p><p>An immediate look of relief flooded Peter’s face.  He reached out, hands cupping Jason’s face.  “Jason….I have never wanted anything more in my life.”</p><p>Jason felt an overwhelming flood of emotion: relief, happiness, the weird sensation of desire that was still so new and unusual.  “Really?”  He was pretty sure that his smile looked goofy as hell but he couldn’t have stopped if he wanted to.</p><p>Peter nodded.  “Since the first day we met.  You were just so….so nice to me.  You were welcoming right away.  You accepted me for who I am, and made me feel like I’m a good person.”</p><p>“Peter…” Jason shook his head.  “You ARE a good person.  You’re the best person I know.  I can’t….” he didn’t even know what to say.  He lay his head down on Peter’s chest, mumbling “this is so hard.”</p><p>Peter’s hands stroked his hair, soft and reassuring.  “It's okay.  If you want to stop and forget this ever happened, we can do that.”  His voice was steady but it was easy to tell that he was fighting back sadness. Jason sat up, shaking his head.</p><p>“I don’t.  I….I really, <i>really</i> like you, Peter.”</p><p>The smile that lit up Peter’s face at those words was absolutely beautiful.  “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.”  Jason stroked his cheek.  “Right from the start.  I didn’t really get it.  I’ve been trying to figure all of this out for….God.  I don’t know how long.  But you…..it was different right away.  You were special right from the beginning.  I didn’t know how to handle it but I do know that I don’t want to lose you, even if it’s hard to figure out.”  He offered up a hand and, smiling, Peter accepted, linking their fingers.  </p><p>	Something poked at Peter’s mind, something Nadia had said before.  That day in the shower when he had heard….well, he still wasn’t certain what he heard, though it was seeming a lot more likely now.  “That time you told Nadia to leave so I could put on pants and she asked if you were sure.”  Jason immediately flushed.  “Does she know?”</p><p>	Jason shook his head, accompanied by an awkward shrug.  “Not anything for certain.  We’ve never talked about it.  And I haven’t told her how I feel about you.  I’m pretty sure she’s guessed, though.” He smiled.  “Guess when it comes to you, I can’t hide how I feel.”</p><p>	The words made Peter’s heart beat faster.  Leaning in, he kissed Jason.  It was still hesitant, but Jason pressed forward, deepening it.  Separating, Jason leaned their foreheads together.  “I think I can get used to this.”</p><p>	Peter laughed at the words.  “Me too.”</p><p>	They picked out a film, as usual.  This time, however, Jason wrapped his arm around Peter, who snuggled as close as he liked.  Every so often, they would exchange a kiss or two, until, curled together, they fell into the happiest sleep either had experienced in a long time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The mystery of the notepad will be revealed, though I'm guessing it's fairly obvious.  My poor sweet babies.</p><p>The Thin Man films are some of the funniest ever and I cannot recommend them enough.</p><p>I haven't read the book of the Celluloid Closet but they made a documentary film of it and it is fantastic.  Again, cannot recommend it highly enough.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jason didn’t know that he had ever slept so well in his life.  His dreams were amorphous things, not any concrete story, but throughout all of them was the constant image of Peter, those lovely brown eyes and that gorgeous smile.</p><p>Blinking awake, he was somehow surprised to find that same smile right in front of him, and all the events of the previous night came flooding back with an overwhelming sense of relief.  It hadn’t been a dream, none of it.  They had spent the night kissing and cuddling close together.  Peter truly did care for him.  He couldn’t help his smile.  “Hi.”</p><p>	“Hi.”  Peter traced his fingers over Jason’s cheek.  “How are you feeling?”</p><p>	“<i>Amazing</i>.”</p><p>	At the word, Peter’s smile only grew, and Jason realized there had been a hint of nerves in it before.  “I’m so glad.”</p><p>	Jason caught Peter’s hand in his and kissed his fingertips.  “I don’t regret it, Peter.”  Peter looked surprised.  Clearly he hadn’t thought that Jason could tell what he was thinking.  “None of it.”</p><p>	“...I…”</p><p>	Leaning in, Jason silenced him with a soft kiss.  Then, he felt a brief wave of worry.  “Do you?”</p><p>	Immediately those brown eyes widened in horror.  “No!  I couldn’t.  I would never!”  Jason burst into laughter; Peter’s eyes narrowed.  “Don’t laugh at me.  Jerk.”</p><p>	“I’m sorry.  You’re just….cute.”</p><p>	The answering smile was shy, a blush spreading over Peter’s face.  “Yeah?”</p><p>	“Yeah.”  Jason dared to run his fingers through that beautiful strawberry-blonde hair that he loved so much, that he had dreamed of touching for months now.  Leaning in, he claimed another kiss, pulling away with a smile.  “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”</p><p>	Peter’s smile only grew, setting his face aglow.  Jason shifted closer, but Peter made a noise of discomfort as he felt something beneath his back.  Reaching beneath him, he pulled out Jason’s notepad, which had somehow lain forgotten all night.  “Oh.”</p><p>	For a second, Jason felt a surge of panic, but really, what was the harm now?  He watched as Peter opened the book, his heartbeat racing.  Peter flipped through, and it wasn’t difficult to see why Jason had been so squirrely last night.  He looked up at Jason.  “These….these are all of me.”</p><p>	Jason was blushing.  God, Peter loved that.  “Yeah.”  He managed an awkward shrug.  “Told you I haven’t been able to think about anything but you for a long time.”</p><p>	Peter didn’t know what to say.  He leafed through the book, looking at the drawings.  He had known Jason had been watching him more often than usual (now and then he caught the boy looking), but this was ridiculous.  There were so many sketches of Peter at all hours of the day: in class, taking notes, running scenes with Ivy (though he was pleased to note that she was nothing more than a rough sketch), eating lunch, doing his homework….he looked up at Jason again.  Jason, who was turning more and more red by the second.  “Jason.”  He grinned.  “How do you find time to do anything but stare at me?”</p><p>	The tension broke.  Laughing, Jason gave him a shove.  “Such a jerk.”</p><p>	“Seriously, Jason, these….they’re amazing.”</p><p>	God, would he never stop blushing?  Gently, Jason pulled the book away from Peter.  “Well, you make a lovely subject.”  He was pleased when Peter’s cheeks tinged pink.  There.  At least he wasn’t the only one blushing now.  Still, something was gnawing at him.  “...Peter?”</p><p>	“Yes, Jay?”</p><p>	“A while back….that morning when you walked in on me in the shower.”  He winced.  That sounded bad.  Still, Peter waited patiently.  “Well, I kind of….I woke up with….” <i>God</i>, why was this so difficult?  “I had to go take care of it in the shower.”</p><p>	“Jay.  I know.”</p><p>	Peter’s voice was so soft and understanding.  Even so, Jason’s head whipped about to look at him.  “You...but….”  He grabbed his pillow and walloped Peter with it, ignoring the startled </p><p>“Hey!” </p><p>“YOU SAID YOU JUST CAME IN!”</p><p>“I’m sorry!”  Peter shoved the pillow off of his head.  “What <i>else</i> was I going to say?  I wasn’t even quite sure if I’d heard what I thought I heard.”</p><p>Jason was dying.  <i>God</i>, he was so embarrassed. “I just….I had to tell you cuz when I….” He still couldn’t bring himself to say the words or to look at Peter.  “....I thought of you.”  The words were mumbled. “I thought of you, and I’m sorry.  It was horrible and wrong and I feel terrible.  You don’t deserve that.”</p><p>“Jason.”</p><p>Jason couldn’t say anything, gaze firmly fixed on the floor.  Then Peter’s voice spoke up softly.  “Me too.”</p><p>…………</p><p>He looked up at Peter, positive he hadn’t heard correctly.  “What?”</p><p>Peter was bright red.  “I told you, I wasn’t sure I heard what I did, but….I thought so.  And then seeing you in your towel.”  That gave Jason those stupid flutters, tugging at something deep in his stomach, and he said a quick prayer.  This was <i>not</i> the time or place to get another boner.  “I couldn’t help it.  And I tried, I tried <i>so hard</i> not to think of you but…..I couldn’t help it.  I’m sorry.”</p><p>Jason couldn’t help but laugh.  He leaned his forehead against Peter’s.  “Looks like we’re both guilty.”</p><p>Peter smiled, though his brow creased anxiously.  “Was it wrong?”</p><p>God, what a question.  Jason stroked Peter’s cheek.  “I honestly don’t know.”  There was so much to the Catholic church and their views on sex that he just didn’t understand, and wasn’t qualified to speak on.  “But if it’s about you and you don’t mind, I don’t know that it’s bad.”</p><p>Peter’s smile changed, taking on a bit of an edge, something a little dark and sexy and it <i>did things</i> to Jason.  “Oh, I definitely don’t mind.”</p><p>Jason laughed, shaking his head.  “You, Peter Simmonds, are trouble.”  They kissed softly, the barest brush of lips.  Just as Jason was leaning in to press deeper, the door came flying open.  He pulled away as quickly as possible and fell right out of bed, landing hard on his ass.</p><p>It was Nadia.  At the sight of him on the floor, tangled in Peter’s bedsheet, she raised an eyebrow.  He immediately turned fuschia.  “What do you want, Nadia?”</p><p>Her only response was to turn that gaze onto Peter, who, if possible, turned even redder than Jason.</p><p>“Nadia.” </p><p>She looked back to her brother.  He did his very best to look serious and stern, but it was next to impossible when he was on his ass, tangled in bedsheets, and bright red on top of it.  “What do you want,” he repeated.</p><p>“You guys are late for class.”</p><p>Oh SHIT.  They had been so caught up in each other last night that they’d forgotten to set an alarm.</p><p>“Fuck!”</p><p>At that particular choice of words, she glanced between the two of them.  “Fuck, indeed.”</p><p>Jason glared at her.  “Nadia, get out so we can get dressed.”</p><p>“Hurry your asses up.  Sister Chantelle is going to skin you alive.”  With that, she left.</p><p>Peter was already yanking on a pair of pants.  Jason shook his head as he pulled his own uniform on.  “From now on, we’re locking the door at night.”</p><p>The words stirred something in Peter.  He paused, looking at Jason.  “Oh?  We going to be busy?”</p><p>The blonde turned to him and there was a hint of a smirk on his face, a little smile that promised all sorts of trouble, but trouble of the best kind.  Moving forwards, he wrapped his arms around Peter’s neck.  “What do <i>you</i> think?”</p><p>The kiss this time was ever so slightly deeper, with Jason pulling away with a smile.  Peter knew that one would last him through the day.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The school year had reached its end.  Jason couldn’t believe he would be losing Peter all summer. </p><p>“Why can’t you just move up here?”  He nuzzled along Peter’s throat.  The boy arched his neck to give Jason better access.</p><p>“Because my mom’s a jerk.”  He ran his fingers through Jason’s hair, tugging him away to kiss him softly.  Over the last few months, they had grown more comfortable in their own skin, the tentative kisses deepening.  It was difficult because their hormones were still sorting themselves out and it was hard to avoid the unwanted visitors that would pop up if they made out for too long, and neither was ready to do more than kiss at this moment in time.  Even so, it was worth it, worth any struggles or separations they had to work through.   This relationship was worth it.</p><p>Peter’s phone buzzed in his pocket and his heart sank.  It was his mom.  It had to be.  Pulling it out, he glanced at it and yes, it was her.  “I have to go.”</p><p>Jason’s heart ached; he pulled Peter tightly into his arms.  “I don’t want you to.”</p><p>“I know.”  He squeezed Jason back, but the blonde showed no sign of letting him go.  “Jay.  Come on.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Jay.”  He couldn’t help but laugh.  “If you don’t let go, my mom’s going to come up here and find us in bed together.”</p><p>At that, Jason released him, though he didn’t look happy about it.  Peter raised his brows.  “Help me drag my stuff downstairs?”</p><p>Jason nodded.  Peter shouldered his backpack and together they took hold of the handle of that huge rollaway suitcase.  It was two flights downstairs, so they took the elevator.  As soon as they were inside, Jason was kissing him again.  This time, Peter didn’t laugh.  He could feel tears rising.  How could he go without this for months?  Go without Jason?</p><p>The elevator dinged for the ground floor and Jason pulled away.  “I….”  His eyes were wild, as though there was something he wanted to say but couldn’t.  Peter cocked his head.</p><p>“What.  What is it, Jay?”</p><p>Jason only shook his head.  Together, they took the suitcase up again and headed towards the exit.  Peter could see his mom through the tiny window.  They paused by the door, looking at each other.</p><p>“Well….I guess this is--”</p><p>But then Jason had grabbed him by the hand and tugged him out of the window’s view, behind the potted plants, and was kissing him with everything he had.  The kiss swept through Peter, leaving him trembling.  Those blue eyes were wide, Jason cupping Peter’s face as he blurted out “I’m going to miss you <i>so much</i>.”</p><p>The words made Peter’s heart ache. He shoved Jason up against the wall, kissing him fiercely, feeling Jason’s fingers in his hair, gripping tightly.  “You too,” he managed.</p><p>Jason laughed breathlessly.  He stroked Peter’s face with shaking fingers.  “Promise you’ll keep in touch.”</p><p>Peter nodded.  “I will.  Every day.”</p><p>Jason gave him another kiss, this one a quick, fleeting thing.  “Better get out there before your mom comes and drags you out.”</p><p>It was too true.  Peter kissed Jason one last time.  “Every day,” he promised.</p><p>Jason’s face was glowing.  “Every day,” he repeated.</p><p>Bags in hand, Peter strode out into the bright sunlight where his mother was waiting.  She looked so happy to see him, her smile actually like the mother he used to know.  Hugging him tightly, she pulled back to look him over.  “You look good.  Did you have a good year?”</p><p>Jason’s kisses still firmly embedded in his mind, Peter felt as if his heart was soaring.  He smiled.  “It was the greatest year of my life.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This one's shorter than usual, for which I apologize.  The next one is, as well.  Yes, it's mostly written.  I have no life.  This is what I do now.  I write about Bare.</p><p>I've grown up in the Catholic church and our view on sex is weird.  There's a really great meme about the view on masturbation which will never cease to make me laugh.  I tried to track it down for this post but I can't find it.  If I do, I will add it here, it's great.</p><p>EDIT:  I FOUND THE MEME!!!</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://app.photobucket.com/u/el_snicket/p/d10f60bd-779f-4afc-aa54-eb9a8259f35d">
    
  </a><br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>They get a bit more physical here but it isn't smutty.  I'm still trying to handle things with discretion and class.  Sweet babies are still very young but I'm aware that they're getting older and more likely to be starting to fool around more.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As amazing as the school year had been, that summer had been hell.  The only thing that had gotten him through had been Jason’s texts.  Peter had to be extremely careful to hide them from his mom, which unfortunately meant he couldn’t store them on his phone for long, deleting them every night, but each one warmed his heart.  He counted down the days until he got to return to school, and he was missing Nadia and Ivy and weirdly enough, even Lucas and Matt.</p><p>Finally it was time to return, and he was enduring the ridiculously long car ride with his mom.  Unlike last year, this time she was much more chatty.  She seemed to think that his positivity after last year was a great sign and it had brightened her outlook considerably.</p><p>	When they finally reached school, Peter’s heart leapt for there he was: Jason, sitting waiting on the steps outside.</p><p>	“Did you want help getting your things inside?”</p><p>	Peter shook his head emphatically.  “Jason’s right there.”</p><p>	“Oh.”  Claire’s voice had changed, a slightly more serious tone to it, but Peter had no time to worry about that.  He gave her a kiss on the cheek.  “Love you, mom!”</p><p>	Jason’s face was aglow, grinning as he saw Peter approach.  “Hey, Simmonds.”</p><p>	“McConnell.”</p><p>	They simply stood there, staring at each other, drinking in each other’s presences.  It had been far too long apart. All Peter wanted to do was jump on him and kiss him.  With that thought, he realized they should probably get inside so he could do just that.</p><p>	“Bedroom?”</p><p>	“Bedroom,” Jason agreed.  Together, they took hold of the giant suitcase and dragged it to the elevator.  Unfortunately, they weren’t the only ones in there, so they were forced to wait the two flights to their room before they could do anything.  Inside, Jason locked the door, but that was all the time he had before Peter was on him, shoving him back onto the bed and pouncing on top of him.</p><p>	Jason had absolutely no objections.  He kissed Peter as though he was starving, which in a way, he was.  It had been too many months with nothing but texts and the occasional phone call.  He rolled Peter over, pinning him to the mattress.  Finally he pulled away, fingers tracing Peter’s cheek as he looked down at him, eyes roving his face, recommitting it to detail.  “<i>God</i>, I missed you.”</p><p>	Peter’s smile was so beautiful, Jason wanted to cry.  “I missed you, too.”  He ran his fingers through that blonde hair he loved so much.  “Can we just stay here all night?”  </p><p>	Jason laughed.  “Pretty sure we have first day stuff to go to.”</p><p>	“Mmm.  Forget it.”  He kissed Jason again, hands running over his shoulders.  Someone began rattling the doorknob and, finding it locked, knocking at the door.  Jason sighed in frustration, letting his forehead rest against Peter’s shoulder.  “Ignore it,” Peter insisted.  Jason just looked at him.  “What?”</p><p>	“Are you just super horny or what?”</p><p>	Peter had the decency to blush.  “Shut up.”</p><p>	The knocking came again and Jason got up, going to the door.  It was Matt.  “What.”</p><p>	“It’s time for opening ceremonies, and mass.”</p><p>	“We’ll be there in a minute.”  Jason shut the door, turning back to Peter.  Peter, who was sitting up on his elbows, legs splayed ever so slightly.  That little…. He knew exactly what he was doing.  Jason shook his head.  “You’re trouble, you know that?”</p><p>	“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p><p>	Moving to the bed, Jason leaned in and kissed him.  “C’mon.  Time to go.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	It was ridiculously difficult to focus on mass.  All Peter could think about was Jason and getting back to their bedroom.  It had been amazing to see Nadia again, and Ivy, who had given him a huge hug.  Lucas seemed….different.  Usually he was just wired from all the Red Bull but this?  This was something else.</p><p>	“Party in the common room tonight?” he asked after mass.</p><p>	Peter didn’t want to go to a party that night.  He wanted to spend his evening alone with Jason.  But to skip out on a party their first night back to school, when everyone was celebrating seeing each other, would be nothing but suspicious.  He nodded.  “Yeah.  We’re in.”</p><p>	What he hadn’t been expecting was the beer.  Was that why Lucas was weird that morning?  But he hadn’t seemed drunk.  Honestly, Peter was stumped.</p><p>	No one but Jason could have convinced Peter to have a drink.  Honestly, he didn’t really care for the taste, but the bizarre, slightly dizzy feeling that accompanied it was….fun?  Yes, he enjoyed that bit.  Jason was laughing and God, he looked beautiful.  All too quickly Peter found himself tugging on Jason’s shirt.  Those blue eyes looked at him with a question written in them.  Peter gave what he hoped was a meaningful look (at this point he wasn’t entirely certain what his face was doing) but apparently he got the point across, for Jason glanced around to make sure that no one was watching and then grabbed Peter’s shirtsleeve, dragging him from the room.</p><p>	It took Jason several tries to get the key in the door but he finally got it open and the two of them stumbled into the room, giggling madly and both shushing the other.  Kicking off their shoes, they tumbled back onto Peter’s bed, kissing all the way.</p><p>	“We should get in our pajamas.”</p><p>	Jason raised his brows.  “I don’t know about you, but just taking off my shoes was a struggle.”</p><p>	Peter burst into laughter.  “Touche.”  He ran his fingers through Jason’s hair.  “Sleep like this?”</p><p>	“Mm.  Sounds good.”</p><p>“But makeout first.”</p><p>It was Jason’s turn to laugh.  He wrapped an arm around Peter, pulling him closer.  “Definitely makeout first,” he agreed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Waking up the next morning was an adventure.  Neither had ever had a drink before, and the hangover came as an utter shock. </p><p>“Oh God.”</p><p>The words woke Peter, who immediately wished for a return to unconsciousness.  “Oh.  Oh fuck.”  His head was pounding.  “Who filled my head with razor blades while I was asleep?”</p><p>Even with the pain he was in, Jason couldn’t help a snort of laughter.  “When you find out who did it, you tell me so I can kill them.  Pretty sure they hit me, too.”</p><p>“Jason, I’m dying.”</p><p>“You are not.”</p><p>A banging came on the door.  Without waiting for an answer, Lucas shoved his head in.  Fuck, they had forgotten to lock the door last night.  Thankfully, Jason was out of bed already, Peter still curled up in a tiny ball of pain.  Lucas looked between them.  “What the hell is wrong with you two?”</p><p>“Lucas, what the fuck did you do to us last night?”</p><p>Lucas shook his head.  “You need to hydrate, my friends.  Next time, drink a lot of water before you pass out.  It’ll help with the hangover.”</p><p>“Thanks for letting us know in advance.  Very helpful.” </p><p>Giving them a thumbs up, Lucas left.  Jason groaned.  “I’m gonna kill him.”  Peter laughed.</p><p>“I’ll help.”</p><p>Jason leaned down and softly kissed Peter’s forehead.  “C’mon.  Let’s get you some water.”</p><p>The last thing Peter wanted to do was move, but the kiss had sent those warm butterflies soaring through him.  “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Lucas’ parties continued, a little too often for Peter’s taste, even though he and Jason did figure out how to properly hydrate and the hangovers decreased severely.  He couldn’t understand how everyone could party so much and still concentrate on their work.  Ivy especially liked to go.  He worried about her.  Peter honestly liked Ivy, as much as he had disliked her when school first began, and he didn’t like to see her getting wasted three or four nights a week.</p><p>“So, are you going to try out for the play this year?”</p><p>The two of them had been assigned together in theatre class, something that happened quite frequently.  He enjoyed working with her.  She was a good actress.  Still, her question made him shrug awkwardly.</p><p>“I don’t know.”  The thought of auditioning still made him nervous, even if he had been in the plays so often at his last school.  </p><p>“Come on,” she wheedled.  “You’re really good!”  The words made his cheeks burn.</p><p>“Thanks, but there are other better people.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Matt cut in, catching Peter by surprise.  He hadn’t even realized Matt had been listening.  A lot of Peter’s opinions had changed since he had started here, but he still wasn’t crazy about Matt.  There was just something about the boy that nagged at him.  “It’s not like it matters, anyway.  Jason will get the lead.  He always does.”</p><p>Ivy was frowning.  “Because he’s the best.”</p><p>Her words did nothing but irritate Matt, who now looked full-on angry.  “If by best you mean best looking, then sure.”</p><p>While that was definitely true (come on, Jason was gorgeous) the suggestion that Jason only got roles because of his looks infuriated Peter.  “Matt, shut up.”</p><p>The words seemed to stun Matt.  “....excuse me?”</p><p>“Jason gets roles because he’s an amazing actor.  Don’t make shit up just because you’re jealous.”</p><p>Matt didn’t seem to know what to say, staring at Peter.  Finished, he turned on his heel and walked away.</p><p>That night Peter sat on his bed, working on a writing assignment for Mrs. Gartska, when Jason opened the door.  “Hey.”</p><p>“Hello.”  Jason locked the door, as usual.  “So.”  He raised a brow at Peter as he tugged his tie free in one smooth motion.  <i>God</i>, that was hot.  “Anything you want to tell me?”</p><p>“......it’s not your birthday….”</p><p>Jason sighed.  “Such an ass.”  He moved to Peter’s side, leaning in.  “A little birdy told me that someone yelled at Matt Lloyd today for insulting me.”</p><p>Peter’s cheeks flushed.  “He was being a dick,” he mumbled.</p><p>Jason gently stroked Peter’s cheek, fingers slipping beneath his chin to tilt it upward, forcing Peter to look at him.  He was smiling, so soft and lovely.  “You’re adorable, you know that?”</p><p> “I am not.  I just--” He broke off.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>God, Peter’s face was burning.  “You’re mine, and you’re wonderful.  I’m not letting him get away with talking about you that way.  No one gets to talk about you that way.”</p><p>Jason’s expression was so beautiful and loving.  “You’re <i>amazing</i>.”  Leaning in, he kissed Peter.  “Move over,” he said softly.</p><p>“Why.”</p><p>“I want to hold you, you idiot.”</p><p>Peter’s heart fluttered; he shifted in bed, scooting over to make room for Jason.  The blonde lay back, pulling Peter close, kissing his forehead.</p><p>“You’re so wonderful,” Jason murmured.</p><p>“<i>You’re</i> wonderful.”</p><p>Jason laughed, squeezing Peter tighter.  “It’s not a contest, dorkface.”</p><p>“Mm.  Well if it was, you’d win.”</p><p>Jason swatted Peter’s backside.  “Don’t you start with me, Peter Simmonds.”</p><p>Laughing, Peter snuggled closer, and the two lay curled together for the rest of the long, lovely night.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone ready?  Tanya, fix your skirt, the hem is dragging.”  </p><p>It was opening night of the play and Sister Chantelle was running up and down backstage, doing last minute inspections and adjustments.  For the first time ever, Peter didn’t feel nervous before a show.  Part of it was the amount of time he had spent running lines with Jason, Ivy, and Nadia, but mostly it had to do with Jason.  The two of them didn’t even share the greatest amount of stage time together, since they were actually playing rivals this time (something they spent a great deal of time laughing about).  They were doing <i>Macbeth</i>.  Due to his familiarity with the role, Peter was playing Macduff.  Jason of course had the titular role.  Matt was Banquo and Peter took probably too much delight in the part where he got offed.  He still couldn’t quite forgive Matt for being a jerk earlier that semester.  Ivy was the lead.  Normally Nadia would have been a little miffed but honestly she didn’t want to be married to her brother.  She and Peter got a hoot out of the fact that they were playing husband and wife, even if the part was far smaller than she would have liked and, honestly, far smaller than she deserved.  Nadia was a wonderful actress.  Her monologue in theatre class as Ophelia from <i>Hamlet</i> had been amazing.  She had chosen the piece because most people expected her to go with one of the bolder characters, like Katherine or Tamora, and she had completely pulled off the soft vulnerability of Ophelia in the most heartbreaking of ways.  Peter prayed that someday she would get to show off her talent on stage in a leading role.</p><p>The show was a blast.  Acting wasn’t exactly Peter’s thing, as much as he enjoyed doing it, but this was so much different.  When his mother had told him she was transferring him here, he felt as though his life was ending.  He hadn’t been popular at his last school, always the shy kid reading in the corner, but he’d had a few friends.  He hadn’t known what he’d do at a new school in a completely different state.  Now he had Nadia and Ivy, and most importantly, Jason.  Always Jason.  Being on stage with them was more fun than he ever could have imagined.  And stage fighting Jason?  It was hard to keep that fake anger and aggression on his face when all he wanted to do was laugh.  Too many nights they had spent rehearsing alone in the theatre classroom, only all of <i>those</i> battles had ended with one or the other pinned to the floor, followed by lots and lots of kisses.</p><p>The applause after the show ended was deafening.  It felt so nice to be back on the stage, taking bows with his friends beside him.  Afterwards, Jason took his hand and tugged him behind a rack of costumes.  “Jason,” he laughed, but then he was being kissed and he definitely had no objections.  Pulling back, he smiled, stroking Jason’s cheek.  “Come on.  My mom is waiting.”</p><p>Jason groaned.  “Do we have to?”</p><p>“She came all this way.”</p><p>There was no contesting that point.  Jason allowed Peter to take his hand, tugging him past the auditorium and to the school’s entryway.  Claire’s face lit up when she saw her son.  “Peter!”  Then she saw the way the two boys were holding hands and the smile faded.  Still, Peter was there, so she schooled her expression, holding out her arms for a hug.  “You were wonderful!”</p><p>“Thanks, mom.”  The hug felt amazing.  As much as he loved being here with his friends, he really did miss his mom while he was away.  He pulled back, looking to Jason.  “Wasn’t Jay great too?”</p><p> “He was.  I didn’t know you were such a talented actor, Jason.”</p><p>Jason shrugged, looking embarrassed.  “I try.  Peter’s the really good one.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, that’s why you’re playing the lead.”</p><p>“Hey, I’ve just been here longer.”</p><p>“What, you have seniority so you get dibs or something?”</p><p>Claire was watching this exchange, a sinking feeling in her stomach.  Still, she forced a smile.  “Did you want to get dinner?”</p><p>Peter was torn.  “.....well, there was going to be a cast party with everyone…”</p><p>A cast party.  That was good.  This was all good.  He was getting involved.  “Okay.”  She stroked his hair.  “I have some good news.  I’m going to be looking at houses tomorrow.”</p><p>His face lit up.  “You mean….here?  You’re looking at houses up here?”  She nodded.  Peter threw his arms around her.  “Thank you!  Thank you, thank you!”</p><p>Laughing, she held him close.  “Peter, I’m just looking!  I haven’t bought anything yet.”</p><p>“I don’t care.”  His voice was muffled against her.  “Just looking is still good.”</p><p>Smiling, Claire held him back to look at him.  “I love you so much, Peter.”</p><p>God.  He’d had so many years of stress, of knowing he was letting her down without doing anything at all, but he really did love her.  “I love you too, mom.”</p><p>With a final kiss, she gave him a little nudge.  “Go to your cast party.  Have fun.”</p><p>Peter grabbed Jason by the arm, who waved.  “Bye, Mrs. Simmonds!”</p><p>Claire watched them go, that sinking feeling returning.  She shook it off.  Peter was doing so much better than he had in years.  He was fine.</p><p>Everything would be fine.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The cast party was definitely not what Claire had been expecting when she had given Peter the okay to go.  Lucas was the one throwing it, and there was more than beer this time.  Peter got his first taste of vodka.  He didn’t know if it was better or worse than beer, but the fact that you could mix it with juice and dull the taste made it infinitely better, so in the end, it probably won the contest.</p><p>He thought he saw Lucas doling out shots of some purple liquid but he never got close enough to get a good look, and he didn’t know that he wanted to.  The beer and vodka were more than enough for him.  Shots just seemed like a bad idea.  </p><p>It was a couple hours into the party when someone suggested Spin the Bottle.  Peter was definitely not okay with this suggestion.  He didn’t want to kiss anyone but Jason, and he definitely didn’t want to see Jason kiss anyone else.  He looked about, searching for Jason, but the blonde was nowhere to be seen.  Where had he gone?</p><p>“Peter, come on!”  Ivy had him by the arm, dragging him into the circle.  <i>Fuck</i>.</p><p>Someone gave the bottle a spin, and the game began.  Peter kept glancing about, desperately searching for Jason to come save him.  Finally, Peter spotted him stepping out of the bathroom.  Those blue eyes widened when they saw Peter sitting in the circle.</p><p><i>Help me</i>, Peter implored silently.  Jason looked as though he had no idea what to do, and honestly, Peter didn’t, either.  How could they get out of this without being obvious?</p><p>“Peter.”</p><p>Startled, he jumped.  “What?”  Everyone was staring at him.  He realized the bottle was pointing right at him.  “.....oh.”  <i>Fuck.  Oh, fuck</i>.  Who had even spun that?  Then Ivy was smiling at him, crawling towards him on her hands and knees and <i>Oh God, what do I do, what do I</i> and her lips brushed his in the lightest of kisses.  Peter’s mind went blank, like a television screen going static.  Everyone in the group began to laugh, even Ivy as she pulled away.</p><p>“I hope I’m not <i>that</i> bad of a kisser, am I?”</p><p>“I don’t feel good.”</p><p>Everyone looked up at the abrupt words.  Jason had risen to his feet and no, he <i>wasn’t</i> looking so good, but Peter was pretty sure the alcohol didn’t have anything to do with it.  He rose, moving to Jason’s side.  “I’m going to take him back to the room.”</p><p>Ivy looked worried.  “Okay.  Feel better, Jason.”</p><p>Jason was silent the entire way to their room.  Peter felt terrible, just terrible.  As always, he locked the door behind them.  “Jason, I…..I don’t know what to say.  I didn’t want to play.  Ivy dragged me in and I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to get out of it.  I didn’t want to kiss anyone.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>Peter did so, overwhelmed with guilt.  But Jason only pulled him into a kiss, fierce and demanding, and Peter melted into him.  Jason was warm against him, and felt so firm and strong.  Trembling fingers traced Peter’s cheek, blue eyes staring deep into brown.  </p><p>“I just couldn’t…..seeing her kiss you….” </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Peter whispered.</p><p>“Shut up.  Shut up, Peter, it isn’t your fault.”  Jason didn’t seem to know what to say, how to put his thoughts into words.  Then, he said the last thing Peter ever expected to hear.  “I love you.”</p><p>Peter stared, completely taken aback.  “....Jason…”</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Peter searched Jason’s face. His cheeks were flushed, and Peter wondered how drunk he was exactly, but the look in those eyes.  They were pleading, almost desperate, as if begging Peter to hear him, to understand.  And that look.  It was that same wild look that he’d had at the end of last year when they were leaving, when he had tried to speak but been unable to finish.  Had this been what he’d been trying to say?  It seemed so far outside the realm of possibility.  But Jason was waiting, looking more and more scared by the minute, and there was no way Peter could leave him hanging.</p><p>Peter pulled him close, kissing him deeply.  “I love you, too.”</p><p>Jason looked relieved, as though those words had satisfied every need, filled every emptiness he had ever known. He sagged against Peter, arms around him, head resting on his shoulder.  Peter stroked his hair.</p><p>“Come to bed?”</p><p>Jason nodded.  The two of them stripped each other slowly, pausing here and there to kiss each inch of exposed flesh, helping each other into their pajamas, and crawled into bed.</p><p>Peter didn’t push Jason any further.  He didn’t know what had prompted those words on that night or how much Jason meant them.  He knew that he felt them.  But did Jason?</p><p>He supposed he would find out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>When he awoke the next morning, his stomach was turning nervous flip-flops.  Jason was still sound asleep.  When he awoke, he immediately winced, hand going to his head.</p><p>“Oh my God.”</p><p>“Drink too much?”</p><p>“Fuck.  Yes.”  He sat up, face buried in his hands.  “Vodka sucks.”</p><p>Peter couldn’t help but laugh, but already he was feeling apprehensive.  If Jason was that hungover, it was a high likelihood that he had been too drunk to be fully in control of what he had said last night.  He didn’t even want to bring it up, didn’t want to ask and risk finding out that Jason didn’t feel that way, didn’t love him.  “How about we get you some water?”</p><p>Jason nodded, wincing again at the action.  “That sounds good.”</p><p>They made it through the entire day without Jason making a single mention of the words he had spoken last night, and Peter’s heart ached.  Some part of him had known, had been convinced, that Jason was too drunk to know what he was saying, but that didn’t make this any easier.</p><p>It didn’t make a difference.  He still loved Jason, he knew that now more than ever.  Even if Jason didn’t feel the same, or was just not yet aware of those feelings, Peter was going to cling to their relationship as tight as he could, enjoy every moment for what it was.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The last day of school came far too quickly, and they had to face down another summer spent apart.</p><p>“I hate this.”  Jason was holding Peter tightly to him, carding his fingers through that auburn hair that he loved so very much.  “I hate being away from you.”</p><p>The words filled Peter with warmth.  “Same.”  He smiled.  “Wish I could pack you in my suitcase and take you home with me.”</p><p>Jason laughed.  “Oh yeah, I’m sure your mom wouldn’t notice at all.”</p><p>“Oh come on, we could <i>totally</i> keep you hidden.”</p><p>“Mm, definitely.  It’s not like I need to use the bathroom, or shower, or eat.”</p><p>Peter waved a hand dismissively.  “Nah.”</p><p>Jason’s smile was somewhat sad.  “I’m gonna miss you, Peter.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but laugh.  “I would hope so, or something is very wrong with our relationship.”</p><p>Jason smacked his shoulder.  “Don’t be an ass.  I’m being serious here.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry.  Were we having a Moment?”</p><p>“Well, we <i>were</i>.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.  Please continue.”</p><p>“Too late, it’s gone.”  Jason rose; Peter followed, frowning.</p><p>“Hey, no, I want my moment.”</p><p>“Nope.  You killed it.”</p><p>“You can be such a brat sometimes.”</p><p>“Oh, look who’s talking.”  Jason was about to pull Peter in for a kiss when his phone buzzed.  Pulling it out, he looked at the screen and his entire expression changed.  “My dad.”</p><p>Peter knew how Jason felt about his dad.  He gently cupped Jason’s face in his hands.  “Hey.  It's okay.  I’m here.  And I’ll be here all summer.  You just text or call anytime you need me, okay?”</p><p>The words brought a small smile to Jason’s face; he nodded, leaning in to kiss Peter.  Peter’s phone buzzed as well and he couldn’t help but laugh.  “That’ll be my mom.”  He smiled.  “Head down together?”</p><p>“Sounds good.”  Gathering their bags, they took the elevator downstairs, pausing for one last kiss before they moved out into view of the public.  Just before they headed outside to where their parents were waiting, Jason reached out, catching Peter’s arm.  “Peter.”  The other boy looked at him, a question in his eyes.  “Here.”  He pulled a letter out of his pocket, offering it.  Petter accepted, the curiosity on his face only growing.  Jason flushed.  “Just something I wrote up a little while ago.  Read it when….well…..when you want to.”  He gave Peter’s hand a final squeeze.  “Keep in touch.”</p><p>Peter smiled.  “Every day.”</p><p>With that, they headed out to their parents.  Claire gave Peter the biggest hug, though he was too distracted by the way Mr. McConnell didn’t even get out of the car to greet Jason and Nadia.  He loaded his luggage and slid into the car with his mom.  Still, he was unable to resist opening the letter right away.</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“Oh, just a goodbye note from some of my friends.”</p><p>The answer seemed to satisfy her and she quieted to let him read in peace.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Peter-</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I know what you must think of me.  That night at the party.  I was drunk, but not so much as you think.  I know what I said.  I remember every moment.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter’s heart skipped, then began to beat like a captive bird, wanting to fly away but terrified to make that leap.  He read on, so scared of what the next lines might reveal.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>I meant what I said Peter.  I love you.  I’m so sorry that I can’t say the words aloud.  It’s so hard, Peter.  I don’t know why.  But I love you, and I want you to know that.  You deserve to know that.  You’re everything to me, and I love you.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Peter was all too aware that his hands were shaking.  He folded the letter and put it back in it’s envelope.</p><p>“Good letter?”</p><p>His mother’s voice shocked him out of his daze.  “I….yes.”</p><p>Jason loved him.  He <i>loved</i> him.</p><p>Peter had known from the start that this had always been harder for Jason, sorting through his feelings, coming to terms with who he was and how he felt.  It didn’t matter if Jason couldn’t say the words aloud.  What mattered was that he felt them.  And maybe someday, things would change.  Someday, Jason would find his way, and Peter would hear those three words aloud again.</p><p><i>I’ll wait for you, Jason</i>, he promised silently.  <i>As long as you need</i>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Had a tough time with this because I honestly feel there's no way Jason would never have told Peter he loved him until just before the play.  They're just too in love and Peter doesn't seem the type to hold onto a relationship without love.  Also Jason, as closeted as he is, doesn't seem the type to deny that from Peter.  So my dear sulliebee1019 helped me talk it out and discuss their feelings and eventually I sorted through my thoughts.  More is to come and develop their dynamic but I hope this headcanon works for everyone.</p><p>Sorry if it seems like I hate Matt.  I don't totally hate him, though I will always be mad at him.  He just has always struck me as that entitled friendzone jerk.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't do drugs, kids.  I hate even including what I did because I don't know that many people are aware you can get high off it but I'm trying to show a natural progression of how Lucas gets into what he does rather than just jumping to the hard stuff right away, but yeah.  Don't do it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This time, summer had lasted forever.  Every single text from Jason was signed with an I love you.  Peter knew that the likelihood of hearing those words in person when he returned to school was very low, but he didn’t care.  Jason loved him.  He clung to those texts, holding the words close to his heart, and counted down the days until school began.</p><p>Even more exciting was that his mother had found a house near school.  Peter had gone through the roof when she had told him.  This time next year, they’d be living so close together.  He could spend the summer with Jason.  Every day, every moment.  Well, obviously there would be time with Nadia, and maybe Ivy as well, but still, all that time together.  It warmed Peter’s heart.</p><p>	When they arrived at school and he saw Jason waiting outside, Peter’s stomach began to roll, flutters of love and….something else.  Fuck.  All he wanted was to get his hands on Jason, to kiss him and…</p><p>	He kissed his mom on the cheek.  “By mom.”  Jumping out of the car, he came face to face with Jason, who had already joined him, smiling.</p><p>	“Help you with your bags?”</p><p>	God, how was he so beautiful?  “Please.”</p><p>	Together they hauled Peter’s things up to their room.  The sound of that lock clicking into place was all Peter needed, but he didn’t even get a chance.  Jason was on him, kissing him hard enough to make his head spin.  Somehow, he managed to kick his shoes off.  “Jay.”</p><p>	“Mm?”  Jason showed no sign of stopping, kissing along Peter’s jawline.</p><p>	“Jason.”</p><p>	“What.”</p><p>	“Get your shoes off.  I want you on my bed like, ten minutes ago.”</p><p>	Jason looked surprised, then laughed.  “You weren’t even at school ten minutes ago.”</p><p>	“I don’t care.”  Peter kissed him again.  “I’ve wanted you in my bed all summer.”</p><p>	Jason’s eyes darkened.  He quickly kicked his shoes off but didn’t have time to make a move before Peter was dragging him backwards onto the bed.  He laughed.  “Someone is feeling a bit pushy today.”</p><p>	“Shut your mouth.”  He kissed Jason, nipping at his lip.  Jason let out a little gasp at the action.  “You have no idea how badly I missed you.”</p><p>	Jason smiled.  “Pretty sure I do.”  </p><p>	Peter was flooded with warmth.  God, he loved Jason so much.  He just didn’t know what to do, what to say.  All he wanted to do was tell Jason how much he loved him, but he knew Jason couldn’t say it back and the last thing he wanted to do was make him uncomfortable.  For now, Peter would settle for showing him.  Grabbing the front of Jason’s shirt, he yanked him into a kiss.  Jason responded in kind, pressing closer, deepening the kiss.  Then Peter slipped his hands beneath Jason’s shirt, rucking it up.  Gasping, Jason broke away from the kiss, looking down at Peter.  Peter arched a brow.  “Too much?”</p><p>	Jason could feel desire stirring along with the surprise.  Peter, soft, subdued Peter, taking such initiative.  It felt amazing.  He shook his head.  “Not too much at all.”  Some part of his mind scolded him, telling him that they didn’t have long, that they had to be downstairs for opening day announcements, but right now all he cared about was the feeling of Peter’s hands on his bare skin.  And the way that Peter was <i>smiling</i> at him….</p><p>	Peter’s hands ran over his skin and he had to bite back a moan.  “<i>Fuck</i>, Peter.”  He fumbled, trying to shift their positions so he could get a hand under Peter’s shirt, touch all that beautiful pale skin he loved so much.</p><p>	A knock came on the door and he groaned.  He had known they didn’t have much time but this…..this was frustrating to no end.  “Yes?”</p><p>	“Time to head downstairs.”  It was Matt, which only made it more annoying.  He didn’t care for Matt.</p><p>	“We’ll be right down.”</p><p>	<i>God</i>, this was horrible.  Even worse was the knowledge that they both had massive hard-ons and no time to do anything about it.  With that thought came the realization that they had never taken that step before, never touched each other that way.  Was that where Peter had been heading with this?  <i>Oh God</i>.  Jason felt himself go hot all over.  This was not helping the situation.</p><p>	He felt Peter’s eyes on him and turned.  “What.”</p><p>	Those brown eyes glanced downward, pointedly eyeing Jason’s groin.  He felt his cheeks burning.  “Got a little problem there, McConnell?”</p><p>	Jason glowered at Peter.  “You’re not much better, Simmonds.”</p><p>	Peter laughed, though his cheeks went pink.  God, he was so beautiful when he blushed.  “Touche.”</p><p>	Jason rose from the bed.  “I’m gonna leave first.  Maybe take care of this.” </p><p>	“Probably a good plan.”</p><p>	Pausing at the door, Jason took one last look at Peter, shaking his head with a smile.  “The things you do to me, Peter Simmonds.”  With that, he left the room, leaving Peter a blushing mess behind him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	They had another welcome back party that night.  This time, Lucas had brought pot brownies with him.  Peter was wary.  He had never smoked pot before.  He had no idea how to feel about it.  The vodka had been enough of an adventure last year.  </p><p>	He also discovered at last what that purple stuff was that Lucas had begun passing around last year.  Robitussin.  They had been getting high off of Robitussin.  Peter hadn’t even known that was possible.  Apparently the ingredient in it that helped stop you from coughing was something called dextromethorphan, or DXM, and it could also cause hallucinations if you took enough.</p><p>	Lucas raised a brow.  “You want?”</p><p>	Peter thought that was probably a terrible idea, worse even than the pot brownies.  Still, what could it hurt to try it once?  He looked at Jay, who shrugged.  Peter clinked their glasses together.  “Cheers.”</p><p>	If he had thought the dizziness of the beer and the vodka was bizarre, this was beyond.  He felt utterly euphoric, like he was floating, and when he closed his eyes, it was…..magical.  Like living inside a kaleidoscope.  </p><p>	He felt arms wrap around him from behind; turning he came face to face with Jason.  “Why, hello there.”</p><p>	“Hello.”  Jason was smiling, which wasn’t surprising.  What was different is that it was that smile he usually kept hidden, the smile that was only ever for Peter and no one else.  It lit a fire inside Peter, happiness filling him.</p><p>	“<i>Someone</i> is feeling good.”</p><p>	“Yup.  You?”</p><p>	“Yeah.”  Peter wanted to kiss Jason.  <i>God</i>, how he wanted to kiss him.  Not here, though.  Actually, they probably shouldn’t be this close, either, though it would be easy enough to chalk it up to the drugs.  “We should go to our room.”</p><p>	“Mm,” Jason hummed.  “Took the words right out of my mouth.”</p><p>	As they headed from the room, Peter half noticed Ivy heading into the bathroom with another boy.  Some corner of his mind told him he should be concerned about this, but he was flying way too high to really register it.</p><p>	Luckily they remembered to lock the door this time, unlike their first school party when they’d gotten completely wasted.  Peter took hold of the bottom of Jason’s shirt and tugged it up and off, tossing it aside.  Unlike earlier, Jason didn’t have any time for surprise; he merely moved right back in to kiss Peter.  They fell back on the bed, never stopping for a second.  </p><p>	“Peter,” Jason managed in between kisses.</p><p>	“Mm?”</p><p>	“Take your shirt off.”</p><p>	Laughing, Peter shrugged out of his t-shirt and moved right back in to keep kissing Jason.  It had been too long without each other, far too long, and that small makeout session when they first arrived that afternoon hadn’t been nearly enough.</p><p>	Jason felt so good against him, bodies pressed together, moving against each other in perfect rhythm.  Peter was floating above it all, unable to see or feel anything but Jason, Jason, Jason.  Jason, looking down at him with those beautiful blue eyes, so full of love and desire.  Something was pulling at Peter deep in his belly, tugging at him like a tidal wave trying to pull him under.</p><p>	Clearly Jason felt it too.  “Peter,” he managed.  There was an overwhelming burst of sensation, then Jason’s body collapsing against his, foreheads together as they both struggled for breath.</p><p>	“That was….”</p><p>	“Amazing,” Jason agreed, laughing breathlessly.  Peter cupped his face, tracing every curve, the outline of his smile.  Jason caught his hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it.  There was so much there in Jason’s face, such absolute and total love, words felt but unspoken.  Peter leaned in, kissing him deeply.</p><p>	“You’re <i>wonderful</i>.”</p><p>	Jason’s smile grew.  “So are you.”  He kissed Peter again, stroking his hair.  “Showers?”</p><p>	The suggestion made Peter pause.  There was most likely absolutely no one in the shower room right now; they were all at the party.  If they went quickly, they might even be able to shower together.  Then he saw the look in Jason’s eyes and realized this was exactly what Jason had in mind.  “You, Jason McConnell, are a pervert.”</p><p>	Jason burst into laughter.  “Look who’s talking.”  He kissed Peter.  “Now move your ass, Simmonds, before the window of opportunity closes.”</p><p>	Peter grinned.  “With pleasure.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	Peter was incredibly pleased the day after when there were no serious after-effects from the Robitussin.  He didn’t feel super hungover, or ill in any way.  Still, he knew that was a dangerous thing.  He didn’t want to get attached to it because it was an easy high with little side effects, at least, in the smaller amount that they had taken.</p><p>	Jason had smiled at him when they awoke, kissing him soft and lingering.  “Hi.”</p><p>	“Hi.”  Last night had been wonderful.  It had been so strange and new, and more than they had ever done.  Their texts had gotten increasingly suggestive over the summer and Peter had wondered what would happen this year, wondered what would happen between the two of them.  He’d had some interesting nights alone in his bed.  This had been much more satisfying.</p><p>	Peter had refused to let Jason out of bed, laying kisses all down his throat, his shoulders.  Jason groaned.  “Peter.”</p><p>	“Mm?”</p><p>	“We have class.”</p><p>	“So?”</p><p>	“So if you don’t stop, I’m not going to let you out of bed.”</p><p>	Peter looked up at him, raising a brow.  “Would that be such a bad thing?”</p><p>	Jason stared, then shook his head.  Giving Peter a kiss, he managed to extricate himself from the octopus-like hold that Peter had on him.  “Trouble,” he said.  “You are trouble.”</p><p>	“So you’ve told me.”</p><p>	Pulling on his uniform, Jason glanced across the room.  “You aren’t going to surprise me tonight with some other crazy sexual escapade, are you?”  Peter raised his eyebrows up and down suggestively.  “Oh God.  You are.”  Jason shook his head, muttering “trouble.”</p><p>	Peter had only laughed, but honestly his stomach had been doing nervous cartwheels, and it hadn’t stopped all morning.</p><p>	He glanced furtively around the room.  It was free period, and he’d been given permission to use the computer.  This was totally normal.  What wasn’t normal was what he was using the computer for.</p><p>	He minimized his cover-up page, an article about penguins (so he liked penguins, so what? They were cute, and hilarious when they fell down.) and began to scan the real article he had logged on for.  </p><p>	Peter had very few opportunities to read about sex, and Sex Ed class didn’t teach anything about the act itself.  There had been no way he could look it up online at home.  There was the option to clear internet history but if he had done that, his mom would have freaked.  All he wanted was a little bit of information.  Was that so bad?</p><p>	His eyes scanned the page, reading rapidly.  He had just reached the part about giving hand-jobs when he heard a loud cough behind him.  “AHEM.”</p><p>	He would swear to God he lost ten years off his life, minimizing the page as quickly as possible and spinning in his chair to see Sister Chantelle regarding him with her brows raised.  “SISTER!  I didn’t…..I wasn’t….”</p><p>	“You can stop right there, Peter Simmonds, I know exactly what you were doing.”  </p><p>	He was going to die.  Sweet Jesus, he was going to die.</p><p>	Leaning in, she closed out both internet pages, and he waited for her to yell, or give him detention, or who knows, straight out kill him (he wouldn’t have been surprised).  Instead she just lightly smacked the back of his head.  “You can relax, Peter, I’m not going to eat you alive.”</p><p>	How could she read his mind like that?  He looked at her, knowing he was crimson.  She only smiled at him.</p><p>	“Let’s just not do that again, okay?  And be certain you take care of all that on your own time.  No bothering your roommate.”</p><p>	At that, Peter nearly laughed aloud.  If she only knew that this was specifically <i>for</i> his roommate.  Instead, he merely nodded.  “I won’t.  Promise.  Thank you.”</p><p>	She gave a jerk of her head.  “Get out of here.”</p><p>	“Okay.  Thank you.”  He managed to trip over his chair on the way out, ears burning.  At least it had been Sister Chantelle.  He dreaded to think of what would happen if it had been Father Flynn or one of the other sisters.  His mother would have been getting a phone call, and that couldn’t have ended well <i>at all</i>.</p><p>	The day seemed to go on forever.  All Peter could think about was getting Jason alone.  Luckily they headed to their room early, though he couldn’t suppress his nerves, even when they were alone, the door locked.  Then, Jason turned to him.</p><p>	“Well, thanks a lot, Peter.  I’ve had a boner all day.”</p><p>	All of those nerves faded as Peter burst into laughter.  Jason tried to maintain a façade of irritation but it wasn’t working, a grin breaking through as he said “your fault.  All your fault.”</p><p>	“Well,” Peter managed, “I think that’s going to come in handy right now.”</p><p>	The words caught Jason completely by surprise.  Peter took advantage of that, gently guiding Jason to the bed.  Once situated, he went to work undoing Jason’s pants.  His hands were shaking, he was so nervous, but he managed to shove them down.  When he took Jason in hand and heard that gasp, he looked up.  Jason’s face was flushed; he was staring at Peter with surprise, but something else: desire.</p><p>	“Please,” he whispered.</p><p>	That was all Peter needed to hear.  He had been so nervous, but honestly, this wasn’t so different from taking care of himself.  The only thing was Jason’s reactions, and that was everything.  As he worked, he kept his eyes on Jason’s face, taking in every noise, the flush of his cheeks, the way he bit his lip.  Those blue eyes were half-lidded with pleasure, and when he came, his expression was so lovely.  Peter didn’t blink, wanting to commit it to memory.</p><p>	Breathless, Jason reached out, cupping Peter’s cheek.  “You know, every time I think you can’t surprise me, you prove me wrong.”</p><p>	Peter blushed.  “What.  What did I do this time?”</p><p>	Jason poked his cheek, the flush there.  “This.  You get so shy and embarrassed and then other times you just yank my pants down and go to town.”</p><p>	Peter raised his brows.  “Oh, well if it’s a problem, I won’t do it again.”</p><p>	Immediately, Jason interjected “no, no I’m <i>more</i> than fine with it.”  Peter grinned at the reply.  Then something darkened in those beautiful eyes and Jason’s smile took on edge, becoming something wicked.  “In fact…” his hand went to work, flicking open the buttons on Peter’s slacks.  “I think maybe I’d like to give it a go myself.”</p><p>	They didn’t leave the bed for the rest of the night.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	The play that year was <i>Much Ado About Nothing</i>.  As usual, Jason ended up with the lead, as well as Ivy.  Peter was honestly getting about as frustrated as Nadia.  He loved Ivy and she was incredibly talented, but why couldn’t Nadia ever get the lead role?</p><p>	Nadia was not taking it well at all, glaring at Ivy from across the room.  “Ivy got it again.  What a surprise.”</p><p>	“I’m sorry, Nadia.”</p><p>	She shrugged, but her anger was easy to see.  “Well, Sister Chantelle is in charge of auditions, so at least we know Ivy didn’t get it by sleeping with someone.”</p><p>	The words took Peter completely by surprise.  “Nadia!  Why would you say that??”</p><p>	Nadia stared at Peter as if he was an idiot.  “Are you kidding me?”  When he didn’t reply, she shook her head in disgust, muttering “boys” as she walked away.</p><p>	Peter sank into a chair, the words ringing in his head.  He thought about Ivy.  She <i>had</i> been….different lately.  His mind raced, going over how she had been in class.  At the parties. She had been drinking a lot more.  Taking more of whatever Lucas gave her, and at this point, Peter wasn’t even certain if it was just the Robitussin.  A memory nagged at him and he remembered that back-to-school party.  She had been heading into the bathroom with somebody.  Was she sleeping around like Nadia seemed to think?</p><p>	Ivy was heading towards him now, a smile on her face.  “Congratulations on your part!”</p><p>	“Thanks,” he managed a smile, but he didn’t know how real it looked.  “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”</p><p>	“Sure.”  She sat across from him.  “What’s up?”</p><p>	“Ivy.  I was just….I was wondering….”  She waited expectantly.  “I noticed that you’ve sort of changed lately.”  </p><p>	Something shifted in her face, a hardening in her eyes.  This did not bode well.  Still, he pressed on.</p><p>	“You’ve been...well….you’ve kind of been going harder at the parties and--” But she didn’t let him get any further, shoving back her chair and rising.</p><p>	“I don’t know how this is any of your business, Peter.”</p><p>	He rose as well, trying to school his features to look as plain as possible, non-judgemental.  “You’re my friend, Ivy.  I care about you.”</p><p>	She only glared, shouldering her bag.  “Fuck off, Peter.”  With that, she left the room.  Peter felt his heart sinking.  Jason came up behind him.</p><p>	“What was that about?”</p><p>	The room was empty now.  Peter didn’t hesitate to turn around, resting his head on Jason’s shoulder.  Those arms, so strong and comforting, wrapped around him.  “Ivy,” he mumbled.  “Something Nadia said.”</p><p>	“Nadia hates Ivy.  I wouldn’t take it too seriously.”</p><p>	“But I think it may be true.”  Peter pulled away.  “I hadn’t noticed it but she’s been partying so much more than usual.  And I think….” it was hard to say.  He wasn’t certain and he didn’t want to say anything when he might be wrong.  “....I think she may be sleeping around.”</p><p>	Jason was silent for a minute.  “I think you may be right.”</p><p>	Peter felt his heart break.  “You do?”</p><p>	“I don’t know.  Maybe.  I’ve seen her going around with a lot of guys.”</p><p>	“That doesn’t mean they’re having sex.”  Peter didn’t want it to be true.</p><p>	“I know.  I’m just saying…..I don’t know.”  Jason wrapped his arms around Peter again, hugging him tightly.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly.  “I wish I could help.”</p><p>	“I know you do.”  Peter sighed.  There was a party that night and they hadn’t planned on going, but now he wanted to.  “....can we go to the party tonight?”</p><p>	Jason looked at him.  “You want to check up on her.”</p><p>	“Yeah.  I just want to see…..”  Peter shrugged awkwardly.  “If anything really is wrong, I want to help her.  I have to.”</p><p>	Jason felt an overwhelming surge of emotion.  <i>I love you</i>, he thought silently.  <i><b>God</b>, how I wish I could tell you</i>.  His chest ached, and he hated himself.  Hated himself for being this way, unable to give Peter what he deserved.  </p><p>	Gently, he kissed Peter.  “Yeah.  We can go.”</p><p>	Peter looked so grateful.  “Thank you.”</p><p>	Jason smiled, stroking that beautiful bright hair.  “Always.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	The party was worse than Peter had expected.  Lucas had been branching out over the years.  He still brought the Robitussin and the pot brownies, but now he had X.  Peter wasn’t a fan.  He had enough anxiety already without worrying about the occasional side effect, thank you very much.  </p><p>	Glancing around the room, he didn’t see Ivy.  “Is she even here?”</p><p>	“Who’re you looking for?”</p><p>	Peter turned, seeing Lucas.  “Ivy.  Is she here?”</p><p>	Tanya laughed.  “Oh, she’s here alright.”  </p><p>	Peter frowned.  Everyone looked way too amused for his taste.  “And?”</p><p>	“Might want to check the bathrooms down the hall.”</p><p>	<i>Oh God</i>.  Peter headed off, aware of Jason trailing in his wake, calling his name, but he didn’t stop.  Only one of the doors was shut and he knocked on it.  “Ivy?”  There was no answer.  “Ivy!”  He began to bang on the door.</p><p>	“Peter…”</p><p>	But he didn’t answer Jason, couldn’t answer.  “IVY!”</p><p>	Finally, the door opened and there was Ivy, glaring at him.  “What?”  Behind her was an older boy he had seen around school but never met, and he was zipping his pants up.  </p><p>	Peter’s heart sank into his shoes; he looked at Ivy.  Her cheeks were scarlet, but she was glaring, defiant, as if daring him to say something.  “....Ivy.”</p><p>	That was as far as he got.  “Don’t you dare judge me, Peter.”</p><p>	“I didn’t even say any--”</p><p>	“You and your fucking boyscout attitude.  I don’t need you getting all pious on me.”</p><p>	Peter could feel anger rising, ears burning.  “You know what, Ivy?  Yeah.  You really do.  Because this?”  He gestured at her, at the bathroom where the older boy was now slipping out, leaving Ivy behind without saying a word.  “This is bad.  You’re better than this, Ivy, and you know it.”</p><p>	<i>Smack</i>.  Ivy slapped him across the face.  Shocked, Peter stood there, unable to say a thing, to do anything but stare at her.  “Fuck you, Peter Simmonds.  You stay the hell out of my life.”  With that, she was gone.</p><p>	“Peter.”</p><p>	Peter heard Jason as if through water, his name so vague and muffled.</p><p>	“Peter.”  Jason put his arms around Peter, whose eyes were burning with the first hot pinpricks of tears.  “Come on,” he said softly.  “Let’s go.”</p><p>	By the time they reached their room, Peter was crying openly.  Jason gently helped him out of his shoes and into bed, climbing in beside him and pulling him close, holding him as he sobbed until he had tired himself out and fell asleep, exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	For the first time ever, the last day of school wasn’t difficult.  Over the year, Claire had bought that house and made the move.  Peter now lived less than half an hour from Jason and Nadia.  They could see each other whenever they wanted.</p><p>	Jason cupped Peter’s face in his hands.  “I can’t wait to spend the whole summer with you.”</p><p>	“Same.”  Peter kissed Jason softly.  “And time with your sister.”</p><p>	“Ah, screw Nadia.”  He immediately wrinkled up his face.  “Please don’t.”</p><p>	Peter burst into laughter.  “She’s not my type.”</p><p>	“Oh?  You got types?”</p><p>	Peter couldn’t help but smile at the line, an echo of that night their first year, lying in his bed, watching <i>the Thin Man</i>.  “Only you, darling.”</p><p>	Smiling, Jason leaned in for another kiss.  Almost simultaneously, their phones buzzed, and he pulled away with a groan.  “Off to daddy dearest.”</p><p>	A sad smile on his face, Peter gently stroked Jason’s cheek.  “Hey.”  Those gorgeous blue eyes looked at him.  “It’ll be fine.  And I’ll be there all summer.”</p><p>	That brought the smile back to Jason’s face.  “You’d better.”</p><p>	They took the elevator downstairs, exchanging slow, soft kisses the whole way.  In the lobby, Peter stopped dead.  There was Ivy.  When she saw Peter, her eyes narrowed and she turned her back on him.  His heart ached.  He didn’t know how everything had gone so wrong so fast, how he had lost Ivy’s friendship, or how he would fix it.</p><p>	“Hey.”</p><p>	He looked to Jason, who gave him an encouraging smile, squeezing his hand.  That touch alone helped.  He squeezed back.  Jason may not be able to say I love you, but he showed it in so many little ways, and Peter knew this hand squeeze to be just that.  <i>I love you</i>, Jason said, without saying anything at all.</p><p>	The two cars waited outside.  This time, Mr. McConnell had sent a driver rather than come in person.  Claire was sitting in her car, and she waved when she saw Peter.</p><p>	Peter turned to Jason.  “Last hug for the road?”</p><p>	Laughing, Jason pulled him close.  It was an utterly chaste, friendly hug to the eyes of anyone watching.  Still, he whispered in Peter’s ear “the things I’m going to do to you the next time we meet.”</p><p>	A shiver ran down Peter’s back.  Pulling away, he shook his head.  “You are <i>evil</i>, Jason McConnell.”</p><p>	“And you’re gorgeous, Peter Simmonds.”</p><p>	Claire honked the horn and, red faced from the words, Peter turned, heading to the car.  Jason watched him go, smile on his face.  <i>I love you</i>, he thought.  <i>More than anything in the world</i>.</p><p>	<i>Someday I’ll be able to tell you</i>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am SO SORRY for the Peter-Ivy angst.  I swear, there will be more to it.  They're just not super tight in the show so we're going to have some development here.  I apologize to anyone who I upset.  You know who you are.</p><p>And yeah, don't get high on Robitussin.  Stay clean, stay safe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The past few years, Peter had been so eager for summer to be over, unable to wait to get back to school and Jason.  This year, he never wanted it to end.  He lived so close to the McConnells now, it was like a dream come true.  The first time Jason came over, he thought he was going to bounce off the freaking walls, he was so excited.  When Peter made the call, they told his mother that Nadia was coming as well.  When Jason turned up alone, it was with the excuse that Nadia wasn’t feeling well.  “Cramps.”  That was all Jason had to say and Claire’s expression changed into the face of a woman who knew all too well what was being spoken of.</p><p>“Well, we’re gonna go outside now.”</p><p>“Okay.  I’m going to try to fix the hem on your jacket.  Come back for lunch!”</p><p>They raced outside as fast as they could, not stopping until they were out of sight, hidden in the nearby trees, and then Jason was on him, kissing him.  When they separated, Peter was astonished to see tears in those blue eyes.  “I missed you so fucking much.”</p><p>Peter felt his own eyes burning, tears wanting to fall, but he had to laugh.  “Jay….it’s only been two weeks.”</p><p>“I don’t care.”  Jason kissed him again, and again, moving his way along Peter’s jaw and down his throat.  Peter arched into the feeling.  </p><p>“.....Jay…”</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“....we really shouldn’t….”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“The house isn’t that far away…..mom could…”</p><p>Jason stopped, looking Peter in the eye.  “I believe when we left school I made you a promise.”</p><p>It all came back, loud and clear as if it was yesterday.  <i>The things I’m going to do to you the next time we meet.</i>  He stared into Jason’s eyes and the heat there, the intensity, made need tug at him.  He could feel warmth flooding him.  “....Jay…”</p><p>Then hands were on him, those skilled fingers flicking open the catches on his pants, and he knew he should object but he didn’t want to.  He could keep one eye out for his mom, right?  </p><p>But then Jason was on his knees, taking him into his mouth and Peter’s mind went blank.  There was no way he was noticing anything else.  A tree could fall on him and he wouldn’t notice, so long as Jason kept doing that THING with his tongue.  </p><p>It was over far too quick.  They had never done that before and it had caught Peter completely by surprise.  He slumped against Jason, who, laughing breathlessly, lowered him to the ground.  Peter stared at Jason, who leaned in and kissed him softly.  “Told you,” he teased.</p><p>Peter punched his shoulder.   “You…”</p><p>Jason raised a brow.  “I….?”</p><p>“.....well I was going to say ‘you suck’, but I’m pretty sure that’s obvious.”</p><p>Jason burst into laughter, leaning in to kiss Peter again.  “You’re ridiculous.”</p><p>“And you just destroyed me.  I don’t think I can walk.”</p><p>Laughing, Jason shifted so he was sitting beside Peter, pulling him into his lap.  “Better?”</p><p>“Mm.”  Peter snuggled back against Jason.  “Much.”  He sagged back against Jason with a sigh.  “<i>Fuck</i>, that was amazing.”  </p><p>Jason felt his face flush; he kissed Peter’s cheek.  “Good.”</p><p>“Yeah.”  Peter glanced up at Jason, a slightly wicked edge to his smile.  “Can’t wait to try it on you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>After that, Jason and Nadia both came to the house often (Peter was always very careful to invite the two of them together, lest his mother get suspicious).  Nadia’s sense of humor confused Claire somewhat, but she seemed relieved to see Peter spending time with someone other than just Jason, and Peter loved seeing Nadia.  She really was one of the best friends he could wish for, even though he hated hearing the odd snide remark about Ivy.</p><p>	<i>Ivy…</i></p><p>	Peter couldn’t stop worrying about her, or put her out of his head.  He didn’t know how she had changed so quickly, or if it had been happening slowly and he just hadn’t noticed.  He felt like a horrible friend, no matter how much Jason would tell him it wasn’t his fault.</p><p>	When it was time to return to school, Mr. McConnell decided to send Nadia and Jason with his driver, but Claire shot that down right away.  It made for the best and yet weirdest carpool Peter had ever been a part of.  He and Jason had to struggle to not say anything obvious and Nadia had to fight to keep her mouth under control.  There was an air of awkwardness to the entire thing, and Peter was relieved when they finally reached school.</p><p>	Once inside, however, he stopped dead, for there was Ivy, saying goodbye to her parents.  Just the sight of her made his heart clench tightly, a dull ache in his chest.  As if she could feel him looking at her, she glanced over.  Immediately her eyes narrowed and she turned away, ignoring him.</p><p>	That dull ache increased, becoming a steady throbbing pain.  All Peter wanted to do was fall into Jason’s arms and be held, but they were still in plain sight.  He felt a gentle tug on his shirtsleeve; Jason was regarding him with soft, gentle eyes.  He clearly knew exactly what Peter was thinking.</p><p>	“C’mon,” he murmured.  Peter didn’t look back, following Jason up the two flights to their room.  Jason simply led Peter to the bed and pulled him close, holding him.  “It’s okay,” he said softly.  “It’s all going to be okay.”</p><p>	And somehow, when Jason said the words, Peter found he could believe it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	Theatre class was no better than that greeting on their first day.  Peter and Ivy had become natural partners over these few years.  Now, however, Ivy wanted nothing to do with him.  She refused to run lines in class until Sister Chantelle noticed and gave her an earful, and when Peter tried to make plans to meet up after hours to practice, she ignored him, simply picking up her bag and leaving.</p><p>	Peter was completely despondent.</p><p>	“Peter, you really can’t take it so hard,” Jason stroked his hair, trying to console him.  He’d been trying since school began; hell, he’d been trying since the two had their falling out at the end of last year.  Still, nothing seemed to work.  Not only that, Ivy was beginning to garner a reputation all around school.  Peter had done his best to help and Ivy hadn’t listened.  Jason didn’t know how much further she could go before she was beyond helping.</p><p>	Their back-to-school party didn’t make it any better.  That year, they had put it off until the second night, because Lucas had found out about a rave nearby.  Somehow they managed to steal the keys to the van and headed out.  Most people were getting trashed either before they left or planning to once they arrived.  Matt wasn’t because...well….it was Matt.  Peter didn’t know how much he felt in the mood for.  His arrival back to school hadn’t been very cheerful, and theatre class had been horrible as well.  He wanted to just let loose and have a good time, but he didn’t know if drinking or taking something would bring him up or down, and he didn’t really want to risk it.  Maybe playing Designated Driver would be for the best.</p><p>	When Lucas offered them X, Jason paused, glancing at Peter with a question on his face.  Peter felt worry nagging at him.  He wasn’t a fan of the stronger drugs, but it wasn’t for him to tell Jason what he could or couldn’t do, and <i>he</i> wasn’t going to be taking anything.  He could keep an eye on Jason.  He shrugged and Jason accepted, popping the pill.  He couldn’t help the anxiety as he watched.  Then, Jason’s hand found his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.  It was okay.  Everything would be fine.</p><p>	For a long time, it was.  Jason may have been in a ridiculously happy mood and also extremely affectionate (Peter was not going to object to that at all), but he wasn’t having any bad reactions.  The night was going wonderfully.  Then, Peter saw Ivy.  She was dancing with two boys who didn’t even go to their school, and as he watched, they began heading off into the darkness.  Immediately, Peter followed.</p><p>	“Ivy!”  He had to yell over the roar of the crowd, but she either couldn’t hear him or was ignoring him.  “IVY!”  He grabbed her by the shoulder but she flung his hand away, rage in her eyes as she faced him.</p><p>	“Fuck off, Peter!”</p><p>	“Ivy, I just want to--”</p><p>	“I said to leave me alone!  You are DEAD to me!”  The words were as good as a slap in the face, and he could do nothing but stand and stare as she stormed off into the dark.</p><p>	“Peter?”</p><p>	He could feel the tears coming on.  Gently, Jason took him by the shoulders and guided him outside.  The night air felt good after the overwhelming heat of the club.  He sank to the ground, Jason sitting beside him.</p><p>	“What do you need from me?” Jason asked softly.  Peter looked to him.</p><p>	“Kiss me?”</p><p>	And, without a worry who might be near, who might see them, Jason did.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	It was hard adjusting to school without Ivy in his life, but slowly Peter learned to make do.  He still had Nadia and Jason.  Even so, as much as he told himself that was all he really needed, he truly did miss her presence in his life.</p><p>	Jason was his rock, the thing that got him through his days.  He was always there, supporting Peter in every way, those silent words of love so clear in everything he did.  Peter didn’t know how he had ever lived without him, or that he could ever do so again.  </p><p>	It was getting increasingly difficult as they got older to keep their hands to themselves when they were outside their bedroom.  Still, they were creative, and good at finding places where they could sneak the occasional kiss.</p><p>	The library had always been one of Peter’s favorite places.  He loved to read, and when he had been at his old school, alone most of the time, it was a great place to find solace in the books.</p><p>	It was still a great place, though now he didn’t get much reading done there.  Most of the time, he was getting grabbed by Jason and tugged into the stacks, shoved up against a shelf and being kissed half senseless.  Like today.</p><p>	Pulling away, he tried to give his most stern expression.  “Excuse me.”  Gently he booped the tip of Jason’s nose.  “I was trying to get some research done, Jason McConnell.”</p><p>	“Oh?  What’s the subject?”</p><p>	Peter rolled his eyes.  “You’re in my class, idiot.”  Turning, he reshelved the book he’d been looking at, pausing as Jason began nuzzling at his throat, tilting his head to offer up more flesh to that amazing feeling.  “....Jason…”</p><p>	“Mm?”</p><p>	“You’re distracting me.”</p><p>	“You’re letting me distract you.”</p><p>	Peter really couldn’t argue that point.  He turned, finding Jason’s arms on either side of him, pinning him to the shelves.  “You’re a brat, you know that?”</p><p>	“Mm.  It’s been said before.”</p><p>	“Many times, I’m certain.”</p><p>	“Most of them by you.”</p><p>	Laughing, Peter stole a kiss, but Jason caught him, a hand slipping into his hair and tugging him closer, deepening it.  “....Jason…”</p><p>	“Hmm?”</p><p>	Peter pulled away.  “You’re really not going to let me get any work done, are you?”</p><p>	Jason raised a brow.  “Are you honestly objecting?”</p><p>	Truthfully?  “.....no.”</p><p>	It was Jason’s turn to laugh; taking Peter’s hands in his, he tugged at him.  “Come upstairs,” he wheedled.</p><p>	“Oh?  And what’ll you give me if I do?”</p><p>	“A blowjob.”</p><p>	Immediately that heat flared inside Peter.  “Okay, yeah.  I’m coming.”</p><p>	There was that wicked grin that Peter knew and loved so much.  “Not yet you’re not.”</p><p>	He smacked Jason’s ass.  “Shut the fuck up.  <i>God</i>, you’re an ass.”</p><p>	“You know it.  Now move it, Simmonds, before I change my mind.”</p><p>	“Like you would.”</p><p>	“You know me well.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	The play that year was <i>Merchant of Venice</i>.  Jason was playing Antonio and Peter was Bassanio, something which Jason found incredibly ironic due to the overwhelming homosexual undertones to the two characters.  It was incredibly difficult not to laugh their way through the first reading.  Still, when Ivy asked him to run lines with her that night, he only had one answer.</p><p>	“Sure, I’ll run lines with you.”  Her lovely eyes lit up, that gorgeous smile that captivated so many boys.  “Only if you agree to run them with Peter.”</p><p>	Immediately all that beauty vanished as her mouth set in a hard line.  She glanced across the room at where Peter was trying to act as though he was oblivious to everything that was happening between them.  Jason almost laughed.  Peter may be an amazing actor when it came to the stage but <i>God</i> was he terrible at pretending.</p><p>	Ivy opened her mouth and Jason spoke over her, his voice firm.  “With Peter or not at all.”</p><p>	She was definitely not happy.  “Fine.  With Peter.”  With that, she stormed out of the room, glowering at Peter as she went.  Despite the frosty glare, Jason didn’t know when he had last seen Peter look so happy, and he felt his heart melt.  How was Peter so damn good?  He had been trying so hard with Ivy, and despite all that had happened, despite all she had said and done, he just wouldn’t give up on her.</p><p>Jason moved to Peter’s side, cupping his face in his hands.  “How are you so perfect?”</p><p>Peter blushed.  “I’m about as far from it as possible.”</p><p>Jason only shook his head.  “You are the kindest person I have ever met.  You don’t give up on people. It doesn’t matter how badly they treat you, you still see the good in them.  That’s amazing, Peter.”</p><p>“Oh my God, shut up.”  Peter was crimson.</p><p>“No.”  Jason kissed him softly.  “You’re amazing, Peter.  Someday I’ll make you see it.”</p><p><i>Someday</i>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Running lines with Ivy had been an adventure.  She definitely wasn’t pleased to be spending time with Peter, which Jason would never understand.  Peter had done nothing but try to help her, and she had taken it as judgement.  Still, slowly but surely, the attitude eased up.  By the time of the show, the two of them were by no means friends the way they had been, but they were on decent terms.  Ivy was treating Peter cordially, and Peter was floating on air.  It was so much progress in so short a time, and he was over the moon about it.</p><p>The time for the show itself finally came around, and it was honestly so hard not to laugh aloud when Jason was doing his big dramatic scene while Peter knelt beside him, clasping his hand as Jason uttered “commend me to your honourable wife.  Tell her the process of Antonio’s end; say how I loved you, speak me fair in death, and when the tale is told, bid her be judge whether Bassanio had not once a love.”  </p><p>He and Peter had run this so many times in their room.  It was a very emotional scene, with Antonio about to die and his friend ready to give everything for him, and they had to make certain they struck the right balance between devoted friend and ridiculously in love boyfriends.  It was extremely difficult, especially with Peter holding his hand, looking deep into his eyes as he replied “Antonio, I am married to a wife which is as dear to me as life itself, but life itself, my wife, and all the world, are not esteem’d above thy life.”</p><p>It was really hard to not lean in and kiss Peter.  It was also hard not to laugh when said wife was Ivy.  Luckily it was that very laughter that helped the two of them maintain that balance and keep it on the friend level.</p><p>They stopped in on the cast party just so it wouldn’t seem suspicious, but they didn’t stay long.  Peter couldn’t bear to see Ivy acting out but he was also terrified of speaking up and losing the tentative cordiality that they had regained so recently.  As soon as possible, he retreated to their room.  Jason waited a bit longer, then joined him.</p><p>“I hate this,” he sighed, locking the door.  Peter raised a brow in question.  “Having to leave separately.”</p><p>The words surprised Peter.  Jason was so completely closeted.  Hearing him say such a thing, to speak as though he wished they could be more normal, more out?  That was shocking.  Frowning, he gestured.  “Come here.”  Jason obliged; Peter put a hand to his forehead to feel if he was flushed.  Jason shoved it away.</p><p>“I’m not drunk, you ass.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“I’m positive.  I had one drink.”  He shrugged out of his clothes, climbing into bed beside Peter in just his boxers.  Peter still wasn’t convinced, but he snuggled closer, loving the feeling of Jason’s arms around him.<br/>
</p><p>“I just….”  He shook his head.  Peter waited, giving him time.  “I hate this.  I do.”</p><p>“I know.”  Peter’s voice was soft.</p><p>But he couldn’t know, there was no way he could know.  For Peter it had always been so much simpler.  Not that being gay was simple for him; it wasn’t at all.  But he had just known, right from the start.  The fact that the day they had met, he had just been able to say it so easily.  Jason envied him for that.  Jason couldn’t imagine coming out to anyone but Peter.  The thought scared him to death.  And yet he loved Peter with every fiber of his being.  He couldn’t imagine life without Peter.  But it all got so complicated, so messy.  He didn’t want to think about the future, to make those plans.  All he wanted to think about was this, right now.  Peter in his arms, both of them happy, in love.  Did there need to be anything more than that?  Why did it have to be more complicated?</p><p>He was stirred from his thoughts as Peter stroked his hair, fingers trailing down his cheek.  Jason caught his hand, kissed his fingertips.  “I love you.”</p><p>Peter stared.  “.....are you <i>sure</i> you’re not drunk?”</p><p>He deserved that, but he still couldn’t help the snort of laughter.  “I’m not drunk, Peter.”</p><p>Slowly, the most beautiful smile set Peter’s face aglow and then he was on Jason, kissing him deep enough that Jason felt it all the way in his toes.  “I love you, too.  So much.”  <i>God</i>, it felt so wonderful to finally get to say that aloud.</p><p>Jason stroked his cheek, framing that jawline, tracing the plump lower lip that he loved.  “I’m sorry I don’t say it often.  That I can’t….”  He flushed.  <i>God</i>, it was <i>so hard</i>.  But then Peter was putting his fingers to Jason’s lips, shushing him.</p><p>“Jason.  Stop.  It’s okay.”  He smiled.  “I know how you feel, and that’s enough.  I’ll take what you can give when you can give it.”</p><p>An overwhelming surge of love swept over Jason; he pulled Peter to him, rolling him over and pinning him in a kiss.  “I love you,” he whispered.  “More than anything.”</p><p>At that moment, pressed together, exchanging words of love, neither thought they had ever been happier.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The last day of school was no longer painful.  It was still sad to have to leave their room for a whole summer, but it was so much easier now that they lived so close together.  They didn’t have to worry about locked doors and so many students constantly trying to barge in on them.  True, parents were often around, but that was so much less to contend with.</p><p>Jason and Nadia carpooled with Peter again.  Claire was so happy that Peter had such good friends, and also couldn’t get past the fact that their father would rather send an employee than pick them up.  This time around, the conversation flowed a little bit easier, and Peter was incredibly sad to see it over, waving goodbye as the two headed up the driveway to their house.</p><p>Almost immediately, his phone buzzed.  He didn’t even have to look to know who it was.  It only said two words.</p><p><i>Call me</i>.</p><p>When he got home, he headed to his room to unpack, promising his mother that he’d be quick, then locked the door behind him.  He dialed Jason, who picked up on the first ring.</p><p>“Hey, gorgeous.”</p><p>“What, you couldn’t wait more than five minutes?”</p><p>He could hear the smile in Jason’s voice.  “I always miss you as soon as you’re gone.”</p><p>The words sent those stupid happy flutters through Peter.  “I can’t talk, you nerd.  I just got home.  You really want mom to figure out how gay we are?”</p><p>Jason laughed.  “A very valid point.  I won’t keep you.”  He was quiet for a moment, neither wanting to say goodbye.  “Hey, Peter.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“......I love you.”</p><p>Those words again, those three beautiful words that Peter hadn’t expected to hear for a long time.  He had been prepared to hold out for them and now here they were again.  He could feel his heartbeat racing.  “I love you, Jason.  I love you so much.”</p><p>“Peter?”  His mother was approaching the door.  </p><p>“I have to go, mom’s coming.”</p><p>“Okay.  Call me when you can.  I love you.”</p><p>The phone hung up before Peter could repeat the words, but then his mom was rattling the doorknob, so he had no time to worry about it.  “Peter?  Why is the door locked?”</p><p>“I’m getting changed, mom!”  </p><p>“Well, hurry up!  I’ve got lunch ready for you!”  Her footsteps grew quieter as she walked away.  Peter sighed.  Now he had to change his clothes or she would get suspicious.  He quickly pulled on the nearest thing he had, then looked at his phone again.  Quickly, he sent a text.</p><p>
  <i>You hung up before I could answer, dork. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Oh?  You had something to say?</i>
</p><p>	<i>Yeah.  I love you, idiot.</i></p><p>
  <i>Oh thanks, sweetie, what a nice way to put it.</i>
</p><p>Peter shook his head, grinning at the words.  <i>Shut up,</i> he wrote.  <i>You know what I mean.</i></p><p>
  <i>Yeah.  I know what you mean.  Make sure you call me later.</i>
</p><p><i>As soon as I can. </i> He hesitated, then typed it one last time.  <i>I love you.</i></p><p>
  <i>I love you too. &lt;3</i>
</p><p>With that, Peter headed out and joined his mother in the kitchen.  They chatted non-stop, but he wasn’t even fully aware of half the conversation.  Jason loved him.  He had known this, but hearing it?  His heart was flying, and he didn’t know if he’d ever come down.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~tbc~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yay, Jason is getting more comfortable!  It would be better if we didn't know the play and how horribly wrong it all goes.  Read the sequel I wrote and all will be well.</p><p>Bassanio is actually a larger part and would make more sense if we go by canon and how Jason always gets the leads but the way this echoed the show was just so perfect.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>One more to go! A friend asked if I’d ever do side stories and fill in scenes so if anyone would be interested, send in requests and I’ll see what I can do.</p><p>Sorry for the additional angst factor but if you know the play, it should be expected.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somehow, this summer was better than the last.  Mr. McConnell spent most of it away on business, so while Claire thought they were having supervised fun at Jason’s house, they were really free to roam and do as they pleased.  </p><p>“I love this.”</p><p>	Jason smiled down at where Peter lay in the grass, head in Jason’s lap.  He stroked Peter’s hair, shining in the sunlight.  “Yeah?”</p><p>	“Yeah.”  Peter idly plucked a nearby dandelion.  “I wish we could stay like this forever.”</p><p>	<i>Forever</i>.  That one word stuck at Jason, making his heart ache.  He still didn’t like to think about forever.  Forever was what he wanted for the two of them, but when he thought about it, there seemed to be so many obstacles.  It was so much easier to just ignore it and focus on what was right in front of him.  This, here, sitting in the sunlight with Peter curled close, no one to judge them or pull them apart.</p><p>	“Yeah,” he said softly.  “Forever.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	This time, the return to school was much easier.  Working with Ivy on the play had helped smooth over the cracks in her relationship with Peter.  It was still rough around the edges, nothing like it had once been, but she smiled when she saw him, and he was floating on air for the rest of the day.  That was all Jason needed to make his own back-to-school a good one.</p><p>	There was a party, as usual.  Jason would still much rather be alone with Peter, but he did enjoy the parties.  After all, he had the parties and the beer to thank for giving him the courage to tell Peter he loved him.</p><p>	And look where they were now.  That <i>I love you</i> was getting easier and easier, though now that they were back at school, Jason couldn’t bring himself to speak it during the day.  For some reason it seemed so easy at night, when the two of them were alone in their own little world.  The daytime made everything seem so much more real and fragile.  He hated himself for not being strong enough to give Peter what he deserved.  Yet somehow Peter wasn’t upset.  He was so patient and caring and willing to accept whatever Jason could give.  This left Jason feeling all jumbled up, a mixture of love and relief and guilt all at once.</p><p>	They were curled up in bed together, snuggled close beneath the blankets as they watched a movie on YouTube.  Movie night was still a regular thing, though these days it involved much less clothing and a lot more kissing.</p><p>	Jason kissed Peter’s forehead.  Peter looked up at him with a smile, that lovely smile that just made Jason’s insides melt.</p><p>	Jason stroked his cheek.  “We should probably try to get some sleep.”  They had an early start the next day.  As juniors, they would finally be doing outreach community service.  They left the school first thing in the morning.</p><p>	At the reminder, Peter’s face lit up.  “Right.”  </p><p>	God, Jason would never tire of looking at that face.  Cupping Peter’s cheek, he leaned in for a kiss.  “I love you,” he whispered.</p><p>	Those brown eyes glowed.  “I love you, too.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	It was always nice to get away from school.  It didn’t really allow them much more freedom, since they were surrounded by students who could watch their every movement, but Sister Chantelle had promised them that if they behaved, they could have an hour to walk about the town.  All they had to do was make certain they could escape the rest of the group.</p><p>	Watching Peter do community service warmed Jason’s heart.  Just seeing him try so hard to take care of Ivy had already shown Jason how caring and sweet of a person he was, but this?  Peter was so kind, so genuinely invested in every single person he met.  It was so hard to not pull him into a corner and kiss him senseless.  As much as Jason loved helping people, two hours felt like ten.</p><p>	Finally it was over. Jason glanced about to make certain no one was looking then, as quick as he could, he grabbed Peter’s hand.  As they dashed out the door he could hear Sister Chantelle saying “Alright everyone, back at the bus in one hour!”</p><p>	Peter was laughing as Jason dragged him down the street.  “Jason, wait!  I can’t run as fast as you!”</p><p>	Jason merely yanked him around the corner and then pressed him up against the wall and kissed him with everything he had.  They were both breathless afterwards; Jason’s trembling fingers traced Peter’s face.  His cheeks were red with the already crisp September air, brown eyes alight with joy, and Jason didn’t know that he could possibly be happier than he was at this moment.</p><p>	Those eyes suddenly shifted their focus over Jason’s shoulder, and Peter’s smile widened.</p><p>	“What.”</p><p>	Peter only pointed.  Turning, Jason saw it: their photo booth.  The photo booth they’d used on that Christmas trip back in seventh grade.  Linking their fingers, he looked to Peter with a smile.  “Shall we?”</p><p>	They shut themselves inside, laughing.  The fit was much tighter than last time, back when they were skinny kids, still awkwardly fumbling their way around their feelings.  This time they had no such problems.  They wrapped their arms around each other, Peter kissing Jason on the cheek as the first flash went off.  Jason turned his head and captured Peter’s lips in a kiss, and the three other flashes went off unnoticed.</p><p>	It was several moments before they even realized it was over.  If someone hadn’t called through the curtain, asking “anyone in there?” they may have continued for the entire hour.  As it was, they both jumped, startled.</p><p>	“Uh, yeah.  Coming!”</p><p>	“If only,” Peter murmured.  Jason turned to him, eyes murderous.  Peter only arched a brow and that was it.  Jason couldn’t maintain the facade of anger, bursting into laughter.</p><p>	“I hate you. So much.”</p><p>	“You love me.”</p><p>	Giving Peter a kiss on the cheek, Jason took his hand and they left the booth.  A pair of girls was waiting, maybe thirteen years old.  One was wearing a rainbow ribbon woven into her braid.  The other had on bright tie dyed sneakers.  They were holding hands.  </p><p>	The sight hit Jason like a brick to the head; his heart ached.  He didn’t know if they were a couple or not, but all the signs were there.  Why couldn’t he and Peter be like this?  </p><p>	<i>You.  It’s all you.</i></p><p>	He knew it was, and he hated himself for it.  His heart heavy with guilt, he gave Peter’s hand a squeeze, raising it to his lips for a kiss.  </p><p>Peter had grabbed the two photo printouts, and his face glowed at the kiss.  He squeezed Jason’s hand back.  “Come on,” he said softly.  “Let’s go.”</p><p>They moved on down the walkway, stopping dead when they came across a sign blaring in neon pink.</p><p><i>Luv Boutique</i>.</p><p>“Is this….a sex shop?”</p><p>“It looks it.”</p><p>Peter stared.  “Why would Sister Chantelle take us somewhere where there’s a sex shop?  Why would the school allow it?”</p><p>Jason looked it over.  “.....it looks as if it just opened.  They probably don’t know about it.”</p><p>They were both silent.  An awkward tension had fallen over them.  Finally, Jason risked a glance at Peter.  His cheeks were flushed.  Jason realized that he wanted to go in but didn’t want to say anything, and it was making him embarrassed.  <i>God</i>, how was he so damn cute.  Jason took his hand again.  “Wanna go in?”</p><p>If possible, those cheeks burned brighter.  “I…..sure.”</p><p>Jason wasn’t certain what he was expecting but the inside was insane.  Bright lights and an explosion for the senses everywhere you looked.  There was a corner full of what looked like dress up outfits, a rack of porn, a ridiculous amount of toys….he didn’t know where to even begin.</p><p>He slowly became aware that Peter was squeezing the hell out of his hand.  “Peter?”</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“Mmhmm.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Cuz I think my hand’s gonna fall off.”</p><p>Immediately the grip eased up, but Jason really didn’t know how much more Peter could blush.  He was probably brighter than his hair.  “Maybe we should--”</p><p>“Can I help you?”</p><p>They both jumped as the store employee greeted them.  He was probably only a few years older than them, though it was hard to put a real guess on it, what with all the eyeliner he had on.  His hair was dyed a neon pink and he wasn’t wearing a shirt, despite the temperature outside.</p><p>“Um, we’re just looking.”</p><p>“Well, let me know if I can help you find anything.”  His eyes trailed slowly over Peter, head to toe.  Jason would have been angry if it wasn’t for Peter’s reaction, the way he leaned into Jason, face hidden in the curve of his throat in utter embarrassment.  By now he had that special flush that made the tips of his ears go bright red.  Jason loved that.</p><p>“I’m going to go outside,” he whispered.</p><p>“Okay.  I’ll be there in less than a minute.”  He kissed Peter’s forehead.  “Count it.”  He watched Peter leave, then turned to the man.  “I need lube and condoms.”</p><p>The man raised a brow, glancing at the door Peter had left through, then back at Jason with a smirk.  “You're a lucky boy.”</p><p>“Believe me, I know.”  He followed the man towards the register.  “And fast, I’ve got less than a minute on the clock, here.”</p><p>Finished with his purchase, he shoved it in his bag and hurried outside.  Peter glanced up from his watch and arched a brow.  “That was 75 seconds, McConnell.”</p><p>Jason couldn’t help but grin.  It was funny, but somehow Peter could get away with that name without making him feel weird, making him think about all the strains and pressures that it put on him.  When Peter used it, it somehow felt okay.  “Yeah?  What’re you gonna do about it?”</p><p>“Mm…” Peter hummed, stepping in as close as he dared while they were in public.  “I guess we’ll have to find out later tonight, won’t we?”</p><p>Jason smiled, though his nerves fluttered at the thought of what he had hidden away in his bag.  “I guess we will.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The room was dark, the phone and movies set aside for the night.  They had only made it about fifteen minutes in before Peter’s hands had started to wander and the kisses had made their way down Jason’s throat.  At that point, Jason figured there was no point even attempting to continue with the film and he had tossed the phone onto the bedside table and pulled Peter into his arms.  </p><p>“Someone is extremely needy tonight.”</p><p>“Mm,” Peter hummed.  “I am.”  He worked his way back up to Jason’s lips.  “Now….when are you going to show me what you bought today?”</p><p>The question caught Jason completely by surprise and he felt himself instantly turn bright red.  “...I….you…”  Peter waited expectantly.  “...but….”  The longer Jason fumbled, the bigger Peter’s grin became.  “How did you…”</p><p>“How did I know you bought something?  Seriously, Jason, give me <i>some</i> credit, will you?”</p><p>His cheeks burned.  “Yeah, dumb question.”</p><p>“I’ll say.”  Peter poked his tummy.  “Now, are you going to show me or not?”</p><p>Jason slid out of bed, smiling at the unhappy sound Peter made at his departure, and crossed the room to his bedside table.  He returned with the lube and condoms, carefully watching Peter’s reactions.</p><p>“Oh.”  Even in the darkness of the room, Jason could see Peter flush.  Those brown eyes looked up at him.  “Planning to have sex, are we?”</p><p>“Hopefully.  Someday.”</p><p>“Someday soon?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Jason hedged.</p><p>“With anyone I know?”</p><p>He heaved a sigh.  “Yes, idiot.”</p><p>Peter pulled the condoms out of Jason’s hand, examining them, then looked at Jason.  “......have you ever had sex before, Jason?”</p><p>Immediately, he was fuschia.  “No.”  God, may as well tell him the whole truth.  “I’ve actually never been with anyone but you.”</p><p>The smile that spread across Peter’s face was impossibly beautiful.  “Really?”</p><p>“Really.  Why,” and now he was feeling awkward and a little nervous.  “What about you?”</p><p>Peter shook his head.  “Same.” He smiled.  “I’ve only ever wanted you.”</p><p>For some reason, Jason felt relief, which he knew was stupid,  It didn’t matter how many people Peter had been with; Jason would have loved him nonetheless.  But for him to have been the only one Peter had ever wanted?  That felt <i>amazing</i>.</p><p>“So these?”  Peter held up the condoms.  “I don’t think we need them.”</p><p>“But--”</p><p>“Jason,” Peter interrupted.  “I think we’ve established that we’re both healthy, and I highly doubt you’re going to get me pregnant.”</p><p>For some reason, Jason found himself blushing again, though he couldn’t help but laugh.  “No, I don’t think so.”</p><p>“Good.”  Peter tossed them aside, where they landed right in the trash can; he ran his hands over Jason’s chest.  “Because I just want to feel you.”</p><p>The words filled Jason with warmth and he captured Peter’s lips, feeling those arms wrap around his neck.  They moved together, that amazing friction that had become so familiar over the years, but when Peter’s leg wrapped around his waist he broke away, gasping.  “Yeah, okay.”</p><p>Peter looked incredibly smug.  “Problem, McConnell?”</p><p>“Definitely.”</p><p>“You gonna do something about it?”</p><p>Jason only shook his head.  “I still don’t know how you turn into such a complete monster in bed.”</p><p>Amazingly, Peter’s cheeks flushed.  “Me neither,” he mumbled.  Jason had to laugh, fingers brushing that auburn hair back, leaning forward to murmur</p><p>“I love it.”</p><p>Something darkened in Peter’s eyes.  “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>With that, Peter gave Jason a huge shove.  “Then stop complaining!”</p><p>“Who said I was complaining?” The sight of the lube sent a quick flash of nerves through Peter’s eyes, and Jason stroked his cheek.  “Hey.  We can stop at any time, okay?  Let me know and we’ll stop.”</p><p>Immediately, Peter shook his head.  “No.  I want this.”  Still, Jason could see the tiniest hint of worry in those brown eyes so he leaned in, kissing Peter softly.</p><p>But if Peter was nervous, Jason was a wreck, so terrified of hurting Peter.  At the first touch, Peter gasped, and Jason felt his heart leap.  “Oh my God, are you okay?”</p><p>Peter laughed breathlessly.  “I’m fine, Jay. Relax.”</p><p>“Okay.”  He worked slowly and carefully, watching Peter’s face for any sign of pain, and was thrilled when all too soon those small hints of discomfort vanished, replaced by pleasure.  Especially when he crooked his fingers and found exactly what he was looking for.</p><p>“<i>Fuck!</i>”  </p><p>This time, Jason knew that was a good reaction.  “Yeah?”</p><p>“Okay, Jason, enough.  Fuck me.”</p><p>Jason laughed, but he could feel those nerves dancing around inside his belly.  Clearly, Peter could feel it as well.  He reached up a hand and Jason accepted, squeezing it tight before pressing in.</p><p>God, this was….this was nothing Peter could ever have imagined.  Having Jason love him was more than he ever could have dreamed, and the final puzzle piece he’d needed to complete his life, but then this?  He felt like some strange part of him had been empty, a place he never knew existed, and he had come alive.  Jason looked as though he felt the same, face alight with almost disbelief at the sensations overwhelming him and yet a sense of pleasure and love that made Peter want to cry.</p><p>He squeezed Jason’s hand tightly, as much out of love as to find something to ground him.  He was flying above it all as they moved together, amazing, breathtaking feelings.  He was on the brink and he didn’t know how much more he could handle.  “Jay…”</p><p>Clearly Jason felt it too.  “I know.”  He kissed Peter.  “Let go.”</p><p>An explosion of feeling, the most astounding sensation in the world.  He was aware of Jason kissing him, saying his name.  “Peter.  You’re so beautiful.  <i>God</i>, I love you.” Words of love, ringing in his ears.</p><p>When he came down from his high, Jason was half atop him, breath coming heavily.  He trailed his fingers through that golden hair, brushing it back from Jason’s sweat-dampened forehead.  Those blue eyes looked up at him and Peter felt such an overwhelming surge of love.  He smiled.  “Wow.”</p><p>Jason laughed breathlessly.  “Wow,” he agreed.</p><p>Peter leaned in for a kiss, soft and lingering, nipping Jason’s lip to elicit that little moan that he loved so much.  “Definitely going to have to do that again soon.”</p><p>“Mm….agreed.” </p><p>Peter shifted in bed.  He was so glad they hadn’t used the condoms (feeling nothing but Jason, flesh to flash, had been amazing), but it wasn’t feeling as great right now.  “We should get cleaned up.”</p><p>That was definitely a good idea.  “Yeah.”  Looking around, Jason found a box of tissues and handed it to Peter.  “Use that.  I’ll get the bathrobes and we can head to the shower.”</p><p>Peter did as told, getting as wiped up as he could while Jason grabbed all the shower necessities.  “You made a mess out of me, McConnell.”</p><p>“And you loved it, Simmonds.”</p><p>Peter nodded in agreement.  “Guilty.”  Together they headed to the shower room, which was blissfully empty.  It was past 11 now, and most boys were either asleep or at least tucked away in their rooms.  Even so, they didn’t dare to shower together.  They might risk it once in a while when everyone was getting high at a party and it would be easier to make up a lie if caught, but on a normal evening when anyone could walk it, it was just too dangerous.</p><p>Stepping out of the shower, Peter found Jason waiting; he slipped into the bathrobe that Jason was holding open for him.  Turning, he found himself wrapped in Jason’s arms. “Well, hopefully it won’t be that long before we can do all of this again.”  Jason stared at him for a moment, then shook his head.</p><p>“I swear to God, you have a one track mind.”</p><p>“I object to that.  I have a <i>many</i> track mind.  Holding you, snuggling with you, kissing you, and now, getting fucked by you.”</p><p>The words sent a flare of heat through Jason.  God, not already.  Shaking his head, he still couldn’t help but smile.  “The things you do to me, Peter Simmonds.”</p><p>There it was, that phrase again.  Peter couldn’t remember exactly when Jason first spoke it, but it had become such a staple over the years, and he loved it.  He hoped he would be hearing it for the rest of his life.</p><p>“Oh?”  Leaning in, he pressed their foreheads together, smiling.  “Show me some.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>From then on, school only got better.  Things didn’t turn into one giant sex-fest, but they became easier around each other as far as physicality went.  They knew now that there was no limit to how far they could touch, and it broke down that last wall of nerves they both had.  Every night spent in bed snuggling or watching movies or even just talking to each other became that much more relaxed, and that peacefulness transferred over to their days at school.  Jason didn’t know if he had ever been happier in his life.</p><p>“You’ve been cheerful lately.”</p><p>Startled, Jason looked at Nadia.  They had just returned from Christmas break, and it was breakfast time.  The words confused him.  Jason had gotten to see Peter that morning; of course he was happy.  But the fact that Nadia had noticed a difference made him wary.  He had still never discussed Peter with Nadia, never even told her he was gay.  He wasn’t sure why; Nadia was the best sister ever.  He knew she would be cool with it.  Hell, he was pretty damn sure she knew.  Even so, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it, to tell anyone.  “.....yeah.”</p><p>“Any reason?”</p><p>Jason could feel his heart beginning to pound.  He swallowed hard, shaking his head.  “Not really.”</p><p>The look Nadia gave him was one he had grown so used to over the years, that look that said he was a first class idiot.  “Jason.”</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>He didn’t even give her a chance to explain.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  There’s nothing to know.”</p><p>She seemed to sense that he didn’t want to talk about it, and when she spoke again, her voice was softer, treading much more carefully.  “Jason….I don’t care.  You know I’m always here for you.  But if you want to keep it secret, you have to be more careful.  People are starting to notice.”</p><p>He could feel his heart drop.  Immediately he was on his feet, shouldering his bag.  “There’s nothing to notice.”</p><p>“Jay--”</p><p>“No.”  He could see Peter coming across the room with his tray.  He gave a tiny jerk of his head so that Peter would know to follow and then left, heading down the hallway, away from Nadia.</p><p>All day, he was kicking himself.  How had he not expected this?  It was inevitable it would eventually become noticeable.  He and Peter did absolutely everything together.  It was fine when they were younger, but the two of them were far too close, spent way too many nights shut alone in their dorm room while everyone else partied.</p><p>He sat in theatre class, stewing, silently panicking and trying desperately to think of a way to fix things.</p><p>“Jason?”</p><p>Sister Chantelle’s voice startled him and he looked up.  “It’s time to do your scene with Ivy.”</p><p>Right.  He was in class.  He had other things to do.  Heading to the front of the room, he joined Ivy there.  At least she and Peter had been getting along better.  She still wouldn’t spend any real time with him outside of class, but she was cordial during the day and Peter was beyond happy, so that was enough for Jason.</p><p>“But come,” Ivy spoke, “now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition, and ask me what you will.  I will grant it.”</p><p>What were they doing?  Right.  Acting.  Jason tried to focus.  “Then love me, Rosalind.”  God, it was so hard to collect his thoughts when Peter was sitting <i>right there</i>, smiling at him with such love.  Jason wanted to be working with him, to be speaking these words to Peter.  <i>I love you</i>, he thought silently, hoping the words would in some way reach him.</p><p>“Okay, Jason, I think that’s enough of that.”  He jumped as Sister Chantelle interrupted.  “You and Ivy have spent the last few years acting together.  I know you can come up with more chemistry than that.”</p><p>“Jason has more chemistry with Peter than he has with Ivy.”  The comment came from Lucas, and immediately the entire class burst into laughter.</p><p>Jason felt his face turn bright red, but if he was bad, Peter was worse.  Sister Chantelle was trying to yell over the laughter, telling everyone to shut up, but he barely heard it.  Nadia had been right.  Everyone knew.  </p><p>After class, he didn’t wait for Peter, simply grabbed his bag and headed from the room as quickly as possible.  He could hear Peter calling his name but he didn’t stop, simply rushed to his next class.</p><p>Peter didn’t even attempt to speak to him for the rest of the day, and his heart ached.  He deserved it, but that didn’t make it any easier.  When he reached their room that night, Peter was already there, sitting on his bed, looking incredibly subdued.</p><p>“Why did you ignore me today.”  His voice was so quiet.  Jason felt a stabbing pain in his chest.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”  He let his bag fall to the floor.  He didn’t know what to say, what to do.  “Just, what happened in class…..Peter, we have to be more careful.”</p><p>Peter looked as though the words were hurting him, but he nodded.  “I know.”  He knew it was the truth, but it didn’t make it any easier.  “But...did you really have to ignore me?”</p><p>The guilt was overwhelming.  “I know.  I’m sorry.”  He moved to Peter’s side, cupping his face.  “I won’t do it again.  I promise.”</p><p>Those lovely brown eyes were full of such love; Jason couldn’t handle it.  He kissed Peter softly.  “I love you, Peter.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes filled with tears and Jason didn’t know if he could bear it.  “I love you, too.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The next day, everyone was whispering.  Somehow word had gotten around about what Lucas had said and the way Jason and Peter had reacted, the way they had both blushed, and no one could stop talking about it.  Peter seemed to handle it fairly well, but Jason couldn’t deal.  He turned bright red whenever he saw someone glance his way, heard whispers anywhere near him.  He was convinced that everyone knew about the two of them.  Something, he knew, had to change.</p><p>The fliers went up that day for the yearly auditions for the play.  <i>Hamlet</i>.  If there was one thing he couldn’t be a part of, it was <i>Hamlet</i>.  Hamlet and Horatio were absolutely gay.  If he and Peter played Hamlet and Horatio, it would be like putting a huge stamp of confirmation on their relationship, proclaiming them as a couple to the entire school.</p><p>	He was dreading telling Peter the news.  What the hell would he say?  They had done the play together for three years in a row now.</p><p>	That night, Peter reached their room with a smile on his face, flier in hand.  “<i>Hamlet</i>!”  Jason had always known that <i>Hamlet</i> was a favorite of Peter’s.  After all, he had done it before at his old school.  “We’re doing <i>Hamlet</i> this year!”</p><p>	Jason swallowed.  “<i>You’re</i> doing <i>Hamlet</i> this year,” he corrected.</p><p>	The room was silent.  “.....what?”  Peter’s voice was so soft.  Jason could feel his heart pounding.</p><p>	“I’m not auditioning.”  He kept his focus on his homework.  If he looked at Peter, he would break.</p><p>	“Why?”  Peter’s voice alone was wrecking Jason.  He sounded so completely lost, so desperate.</p><p>	Jason forced a shrug.  “I just don’t really feel like it this year.  I mean, it’s never really been my thing.  I kind of did it for a bit of fun, but I think I should take a break.  Focus more on school.”</p><p>	Dead silence.  He was so afraid, wanting to know what Peter was thinking but terrified to actually look up and see his expression.</p><p>	“That’s bullshit.”  The voice was flat.  Jason couldn’t help but look up, and the anger on Peter’s face took him aback.</p><p>	“It is not.”</p><p>	“It is too.  You <i>love</i> doing the plays.  You always have.”</p><p>	“Well, not this year.”</p><p>	Peter fell silent.  “Fine,” he said at last.  He crumpled up the audition flier and chucked it into the trash.  Jason looked away, eyes back on his books.  He was taken completely by surprise when he realized that Peter was changing and climbing into bed.  </p><p>“You’re going to sleep already?”</p><p>	“Goodnight.”  Peter shut off his light and that was it.  </p><p>	When Jason awoke the next morning, Peter was already gone, and he didn’t come to breakfast at their usual spot in the hallway.  Even Nadia looked worried, regarding Jason with concern.  He finally saw Peter again that night in their room, though Peter didn’t greet him when he walked in.</p><p>	“.....how did auditions go?” he asked timidly.</p><p>	“Fine.”</p><p>	“......are you Hamlet?”</p><p>	“Yes.”</p><p>	“.....Peter….”  He moved closer, but Peter stiffened when he approached the bed.  Jason’s heart was breaking.  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.  “I don’t know what to do.  Everyone is catching on.”</p><p>	“....I know,” Peter said softly.  “But I can’t do this, Jason.  I can’t just change who I am, who we are when we’re together.”  He finally looked up, looked at Jason.  “I love you, Jason.  I need you.”</p><p>	Jason dared to climb onto Peter’s bed and relief swept him when Peter allowed it.  He wrapped his arms around Peter, pulling him close.  “I love you,” he said, hugging him.  “I love you <i>so much</i>.  I just….I’m not ready for everyone to find out about this.  About us.”  Peter was silent, and Jason felt a hint of fear.  “.....are you?”</p><p>	“......I don’t know,” Peter said at last, and another wave of fear rolled over Jason.  “Not really.  I just wish…..” He sighed.  “I hate hiding.  I hate that we can’t be ourselves without worrying.  That I can’t kiss you anywhere I want.”</p><p>	“That I can’t hold you like this anywhere I want,” Jason chimed in.</p><p>	“Yeah.”  They fell silent, simply taking in each other’s presence.  Jason lay back, pulling Peter with him and into his arms, simply holding him.  He felt so good, his presence so comforting.  Jason didn’t know what he did before Peter, how he got by.  </p><p>	“If there’s one thing I know,” he said at last, “you’re my soulmate.  I love you, Peter.  That will never change.”  He looked down, meeting Peter’s eyes, those lovely brown eyes.  “Never forget that, no matter what may happen.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes filled with tears, even as he smiled.  “I love you, Jason.”</p><p>Wrapping his arms tighter around Peter, he kissed him softly, holding him close to his heart.  He didn’t know what was going to happen, but he would never let Peter go.<br/>
</p><p> He couldn’t survive without him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p> “I hate this.”</p><p>Jason smiled sadly.  “So do I.’</p><p>	They had come to a joint decision that it would be best if they didn’t carpool home this year.  It had been months since Lucas’ jibe about their chemistry, and not being in the play together seemed to have helped, but they didn’t want to take chances.  Still, that didn’t mean they had to like it.</p><p>Peter cupped Jason’s cheek.  “But we’ll have the entire summer.”</p><p>The thought alone filled Jason with warmth.  “Definitely.”  Leaning in, he kissed Peter deeply, clinging to the feeling, committing it to memory. </p><p> He pulled away with a smile.  “Filing that one in the memory bank to last me till I see you next.”</p><p>Peter laughed.  “You’re ridiculous.”</p><p>“And you’re beautiful.”</p><p>Shaking his head, Peter took up the handle of his suitcase.  Pressing one last quick kiss to Jason’s lips, he headed to the door.  “Well….till later.”</p><p>Jason managed a small smile.  “Text me when you get home.”</p><p>“Of course.”  Peter gave a tiny wave and he was gone.  The instant he vanished, Jason ached.  The summer wouldn’t be enough.  It never was.  The only thing Jason wanted was Peter all to himself, and he couldn’t have that.</p><p>
  <i>Focus on now</i>, his mind told him.  <i>Stop trying to plan ahead</i>.  But it was hard when the future looked so damn dark, and when Peter was so far away.
</p><p>
 His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out. 
</p><p>
 
    <i>Love you. &lt;3</i>
</p><p>
  A smile came to his face. It hadn’t even been five minutes.  Apparently Peter hadn’t been able to wait until he got home.  He began typing back.  <i>Love you too, nerd. &lt;3</i>
</p><p>
 <i>Focus on now,</i> he told himself.</p><p>
  The rest will come.
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>~tbc~</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Always wear protection, everyone.  Enter another NuwandaSnicket PSA.  Wear protection, don't do drugs.</p><p>I don't know if the Luv Boutique is just a CT thing but we definitely have one.  The name has always cracked me up. </p><p>Only one chapter left.  My poor sweet babies, I just want to wrap them in a fuzzy blanket and let them cuddle forever.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I used some direct quotes from the play, a couple of which I altered because the rhyming made it seem off. </p><p>This connects directly to the sequel I wrote, in case you're taken aback by the end.  Just a heads-up.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It may have been the most horrible summer of Jason’s life, and that was saying a lot.</p><p>All plans to spend the summer with Peter went right out the window.  His father was home, and though he was pleased that Jason hadn’t done the play that year, he was not pleased at the fact that Jason had been spending so much time with “that Simmonds boy”.  Apparently it was fine for Nadia, but not Jason, who immediately got shipped off to Jesus Camp.</p><p>	Jason had never had a problem with the concept of religious camps.  Some of them seemed like they would actually be fun.  This was not that case.  He actually thought it was probably more like what boot camp would be like, the hours almost like military time, the showers cold, and the counselors extremely stern.  All of this paled in comparison, however, to the sort of homilies he had to hear every day.</p><p>	“1 John 2:19,” the priest began.  “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but they went out that they might be made manifest, that none of them were us.” He looked up at the crowd, his expression serious.  “In this list of sins, Paul mentions ‘homosexuals’ among others that ‘will not inherit the kingdom of God’.”</p><p>	Jason felt like he had been smacked across the face.  It was almost like being sent to a gay conversion house.  Would that be the next step if his dad truly began to suspect he and Peter were gay?  Or would he just get straight up thrown out of the house?  Or maybe even beaten before he went?</p><p>	He spent every night praying, much as he had that first night after he had woken up in Peter’s bed with a hard-on, praying for guidance.  He didn’t know what to do.  He loved Peter so much that it hurt, his heart aching when they weren’t together, but everything the church told him was that it was wrong.  But how could it be wrong when it was love?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	Peter was heartbroken when he called Nadia and found out that Jason had been shipped off for the summer.  He spent a few days moping around the house before he found out “the good news”.  He was getting sent out as well.</p><p>	Unlike Jason, he ended up at one of the nice ones.  He didn’t have to listen to a single anti-gay sermon and spent most days with a smile on his face.  The only downside was wishing his friends were there with him.  If he could have seen Jason and Nadia, and yes, Ivy, that would have made it so much better.  He had a wonderful time, but still he ached to be back home with Jason.</p><p>	Being at camp also made Peter think.  He knew that he and Jason had to keep their relationship a secret at school; there was no question about that.  But something was telling him that he needed to come clean to his mother.  Every night he prayed for guidance, but the answer was never clear.  All he wanted was to return to school and talk it over with Jason.  </p><p>	He was counting down the days until the semester began.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	“So remember, no more play this year.  I want you to focus on sports.”</p><p>	“Yes, dad.”  Jason’s voice was dull.  Nadia’s hand found his and squeezed reassuringly. Jason had heard this speech so many times over the summer.  Thankfully, they were at school and he wouldn’t have to listen to any more of this.  Jason hauled all his stuff up to his room, and there he was, Peter, looking even more gorgeous than Jason remembered.  Those big brown eyes lit up when they saw Jason enter.</p><p>	“Jason!”  Somehow he held himself back until the door was shut and locked and then he had Jason in his arms, kissing him.  Jason held Peter tight, but he was struggling not to cry.  God, how he had missed this.  It all felt so fragile, like the moment could shatter at any second.  Pulling away, Peter’s eyes scanned Jason’s face as though it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  “I missed you <i>so much</i>.”</p><p>	“I missed you too.”</p><p>	Peter frowned.  He could clearly sense that something was wrong.  Still, he pressed on.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t in touch all summer.”</p><p>	“It’s okay, I couldn’t have replied.  Dad sent me to Jesus Camp.”</p><p>	“Yeah, Nadia told me.  My mom sent me, too.”</p><p>	He didn’t know how Peter could still be so upbeat.  He somehow managed a smile.  “You must have gone to one of the good ones.”  He reached out, fingers tracing Peter’s cheek.  Peter caught his hand, raising it to his lips and kissing it.  There was something in his face.</p><p>	“You seem different.”</p><p>	Jason’s heart ached.  “I just….I don’t….”  <i>God</i>, he was frustrated. </p><p>Peter took both hands, giving him a gentle tug.  “Come to bed,” he said softly.</p><p>They didn’t have much time, but Jason didn’t argue.  All he wanted was to curl up with Peter and never leave.  It was different this time, with Peter holding Jason, fingers running through his hair.  Jason wanted to cry.  Peter was trying so very hard to comfort him, to make everything okay, and there was just no way to do that.</p><p>“My dad…..”  He took a deep breath.  “My dad gave me a huge talking to.  I don’t think he knows about us but the camp he sent me to…..I don’t know.  I’m worried.  I don’t know what’ll happen if he finds out.”</p><p>“We won’t let him.”  Peter’s voice was so stubborn and determined that Jason almost laughed.  Peter always thought he had all the answers, that he could do anything.  Jason had always loved that about him.</p><p>“I’m just….” He was silent; when he spoke again, his voice was a whisper.  “I’m scared.”</p><p>“We can get through this.”</p><p>Jason was silent, and for the first time, Peter felt a stirring of fear.  Did Jason <i>want</i> to get through this?  “You…..do you still love me?”</p><p>Immediately, Jason was pulling away and Peter felt terror rising, but it was only so he could look Peter in the face, and his own expression was slightly panicked.  “Yes!  Are you kidding?  Peter….”  A wave of relief swept Peter and he pulled Jason into a kiss.  Jason melted into him.  He curled close to Peter, squeezing him tight.  “You’re everything to me,” he whispered.  “I can’t imagine my life without you in it.  Someday--”  but he broke off, falling silent.  Peter was quiet, waiting for the rest of that sentence.  It never came.  “I can’t get my head straight.”  His voice was so soft.  “All I want to do is think about now.  This, here.”  His grip on Peter tightened.  “We have so much.  I’ve got you.  I don’t need anything else.”</p><p>Peter wasn’t entirely sure about the way Jason had broken off, had never finished that sentence.  He wasn’t certain what ‘someday’ entailed, or why Jason wasn’t able to talk about it, but they were on the same level about one thing:  All they needed was each other.</p><p>He stroked Jason’s golden hair.  “I love you.”</p><p>Jason’s eyes looked suspiciously shiny, as though he were about to cry.  “I love you, too.  More than I can ever tell you.”</p><p>Peter kissed Jason, and didn’t let go of him for the rest of the night.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>		That year was so hard.  More than ever, it felt like they were under a looking glass.  It seemed as though people had forgotten the little jab that Lucas had made at them last year, but even so, they struggled to spend enough time apart so that no one would suspect them. Still, that time apart weighed them down.  All they wanted was to be alone.  Every night they huddled that much closer in bed, held each other that much tighter.  Peter counted down the days until the end of the year, thinking of a time when all this hiding could be over.  He didn’t realize just how strongly Jason was doing the complete opposite, clinging to the present, unwilling to look beyond.</p><p>	After winter break, Peter was frustrated but not too surprised when Jason told him he wouldn’t audition for the play again that year.  The surprise was when Jason actually did turn up at auditions.  He could feel his heart flying when he saw that blonde head walk through the door.  </p><p>	“What made you change your mind?”</p><p>	Jason had shrugged.  “I thought I should try.”  But inside, he had felt waves of guilt.  The past year, he had brushed the play aside because he was afraid, afraid of people seeing him with Peter and calling them gay.  He knew how much the show meant to Peter, how badly Peter wanted him to participate.  They’d had so much fun doing the show together all these years, and even though Peter had still enjoyed it last year with just Nadia and Ivy, he had been incredibly sad that Jason wasn’t there.  He’d tried to hide it, but Jason knew him too well.  When he had asked Jason that morning to audition and Jason had refused, he could tell he was breaking Peter’s heart all over again.  It had been no question that he would have to show up.  And he was right: Peter was ecstatic.</p><p>	Peter wasn’t as happy when they went to the rave later and Jason couldn’t bring it in himself to kiss Peter inside in front of everyone.  He didn’t know why Peter even asked; it was so clearly beyond the realm of possibility.  But then outdoors, when they were alone, Peter brought up their relationship again.  He so rarely pressed Jason for answers that he knew Jason couldn’t give, but tonight he just wouldn’t stop.  He wanted more, wanted to stop hiding, and Jason couldn’t blame him.  Living this way, stealing moments in dark corners or hidden rooms, was becoming too much, for Jason as well. He felt as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders, but there was nothing he could do.  He was terrified of what his dad would do, what would become of his future.  But a future without Peter in it…..all of it was too painful, and he hated to even think about it.  Having Peter bring it up was killing him.  “Can’t we just live for today?”</p><p>	Peter stroked his cheek, sadness in his face.  “We have to grow up.”  The words stung.  “There’s so much more to love.”</p><p>	Jason’s heart ached.  He knew that Peter was right.  If they could only move past this, what a life they might have.  But Peter loved him, and he wouldn’t break his promise.  Their relationship would stay secret.  Jason trusted him.</p><p>	He held Peter closer, kissing him.  The words rang in his head.  <i>So much more to love</i>.  He pushed them aside.  It was all too much for him, a future he was scared to think about, terrified that they would never have.  This here and now, Peter in his arms?  He told himself that he was content with that.  By now he had said the words often enough that he could almost believe them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	Ivy’s birthday was a disaster.  He wasn’t even certain how many brownies Peter ate before he found out they had pot in them.  Peter never indulged.  He would drink, but he steered clear of any sort of drug, and judging by his reaction to the pot, that was probably a good thing.  Normally Jason would probably have found it funny, but Peter got extremely loud and extremely clingy, and there were people everywhere who could see them.  He knew that he hurt Peter when he pushed him away. </p><p>Ivy somehow talked her way into getting a birthday kiss.  It had been…..uncomfortable.  Jason had no desire to kiss anyone but Peter, but she was so ridiculously persistent.  Then he somehow found himself spending the night in her room.  Which was also Nadia’s room. Talk about awkward.  </p><p>The last thing Jason wanted was for Ivy to make any further advances so he pretended to be asleep right away and thankfully her hands stopped short of wandering any lower than his stomach.  Still, when he opened his eyes, Nadia was staring at him from across the room.</p><p>	And she did NOT look happy.</p><p>	The next morning, she confronted him as soon as Ivy was out of earshot.  “You know, when I told you to be careful, I didn’t mean to go out and hook up with someone else.”</p><p>	Jason could feel himself turning red.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>	“Bullshit you don’t know what I’m talking about.”</p><p>	Jason began walking away as fast as he could, but he could hear her call after him.  “Peter doesn’t deserve this, Jason.”</p><p>	It felt like he had been stabbed in the chest, even more so because she was so totally right.  Peter deserved so much better.  <i>Better than you</i>.</p><p>	Then came theatre class, and Peter asking Jason to come home with him for spring break to tell his mother that they were a couple.  Jason thought he was going to have a heart attack.  Or faint.  Or sink through the floor.  Or all of the above at once.</p><p>	“Ok...let's tell her!”  For a brief moment, Peter looked like he was about to smile, but Jason wasn’t finished.  “Then she can call my mom, who'll immediately tell my dad, and they can all rush down here to conference with Father. Or maybe...maybe I just can call Notre Dame and ask them for a leave of absence while I deal with a sexual identity crisis!”  He was rambling, he knew it, but he couldn’t stop.  “Or maybe...maybe my dad will just beat the shit out of me and disown me. Yeah, smart money says that's his first move. Sure, let's tell her, when do we leave?”</p><p>	Peter’s face had fallen as soon as Jason’s rant had begun.  He finally lost it.  “Jason, I can’t deal with this anymore!”</p><p>Jason didn’t know what to say.  He knew he was asking too much from Peter, that he had been for years, first with the silent I love yous and now with this huge secret.  Peter deserved so much more than this.</p><p>“Jason, this doesn’t have to be such an issue.  Look, two months from now, we’ll be out of here and this won’t be a problem.”</p><p>Despite his best efforts to remain calm, Jason exploded. “No!  No, Peter, this will always be a problem!” </p><p>Peter was completely taken aback; he fell silent, staring at Jason.  “.....what are you saying?”</p><p>Jason didn’t know <i>what</i> to say.  All of this had gone so horribly wrong so quickly, and he didn’t have the first clue how to fix it.  “.....this….us….whatever…..it needs to stop.”</p><p>“........you can’t be serious.”  Peter’s voice was barely audible.  Jason could see just by looking at him that his heart was breaking.</p><p>	It had been impossibly hard after that.  All Jason wanted was to pull Peter close and take it all back, but instead it dissolved into a fight far too quickly, with Peter fleeing the room in tears.  By the time Jason returned to their dorm room, not only was Peter gone, all of his things were boxed up.  Jason felt his heart sink.  Peter was going to change rooms.  All these years living together, nights spent in bed watching films, holding each other, the soft kisses….all gone in the blink of an eye.</p><p>	His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door.  It was Ivy, one of the last people he wanted to see right now.  He still hated himself for how he had acted at her party, for spending the night in her room and ignoring Peter.  Maybe if he hadn’t done that, maybe some things would have been different.</p><p>	<i>Maybe, maybe, maybe</i>.</p><p>	He slowly became aware of the fact that she was flirting with him once again.  At first, he was completely unsettled.  Then, a thought began stirring at the back of his head.</p><p>	<i>This is <b>perfect</b></i>.</p><p>	Ivy’s relationships never lasted.  She went from one guy to the next.  This would be quick, and easy, and mean nothing, and Jason could knock Peter right out of his system.  He could figure out girls.  No more boys.  No more <i>Peter</i>.</p><p>	So he pulled her close, and kissed her, but it was no good.  She was so different, so unlike anything he had ever wanted.  He simply couldn’t stir up any sort of interest.</p><p><i>Peter</i>, he told himself, <i>think of Peter</i>.</p><p>	<i>No</i>, a voice inside yelled.  <i>That’s the entire point of this.  You have to <b>forget</b> Peter.</i>  </p><p>	Jason ached, but he tried, he really did, searching for anything to focus on, to bring him away from thoughts of Peter.  Ivy’s eyes.  She had lovely eyes, eyes that had captured the hearts of so many boys over the years.  They were nothing like Peter’s (and honestly would never be as beautiful to Jason) but they were something he could cling to.</p><p>	It didn’t last long, and honestly, Jason was relieved.  As hard as he tried, he just couldn’t make himself feel any sort of emotion, get any real kind of enjoyment from it.  All he felt was an overwhelming sense of guilt for what he had just done.  Deep down, he knew he had just betrayed Peter.  They may have broken up, but Jason still loved him.  This was all kinds of wrong.</p><p>	He was relieved when Ivy had to leave right away.  Everything felt so awkward and out of place.  It only got worse when he checked his phone and he saw that he had missed four calls from Peter.  Immediately his heart swelled with guilt.  While he had been having sex with Ivy, Peter had needed him.  He felt horrible.  Even worse was that he couldn’t try to call back.  His father was waiting and his father was not a patient man.  Jason had to suffer through a car ride home before dialing with shaking hands.  </p><p>	The phone rang, and rang, and rang, finally going to voicemail.  He tried again, and again.  Nothing.  It was painfully clear that whatever Peter might have wanted, Jason had missed his chance.  </p><p>	“Jason?”  Nadia was outside his door.  “Are you okay?”</p><p>	“Fine.”  His voice was wooden.  He couldn’t muster up the barest emotion.  “I’m fine.”</p><p>	They were the right words.  Now if only he could make himself believe them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	It had never been harder to return to school.  Jason attempted to talk to Peter, to see if they could even try to be on speaking terms, but Peter simply walked away without saying a word.  Jason ached.  Somehow during their fight, his mind hadn’t grasped the fact that breaking up with Peter would so strongly change their dynamic.  From the first moment they met, he saw Peter in his life forever.  But over the past few years, it became so much harder to look at the future than to focus on what was right in front of him.  He didn’t know how he had so utterly lost his way, but all he could feel was an overwhelming sense of self-loathing.</p><p>	Somehow, Ivy cornered him after class, and things only got worse.  Apparently, he had been completely wrong about her.  He was so used to the way she behaved, the reputation she had, that he had assumed he was nothing more than another fling for her.  Instead here she was, confessing that she was in love with him.  He was not prepared for this <i>at all</i>.  And the way she was speaking, the words she was using….it stirred something in him.  This….it was exactly how he felt about Peter.  He could feel his heart shatter.  He had hurt Peter so badly and lost him, probably for good.  It only got worse when he had to tell Ivy that he didn’t love her, and see her face fall.  He had hurt Ivy too, used her unintentionally.  God.  He didn’t know that he had ever felt like a more horrible human being in his life.  He fled the room while she was still trying to back talk her way out of her love confession, hating himself all the way.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	Ivy hadn’t been turning up for rehearsals, and honestly, Jason didn’t miss her.  He felt terrible for it, but whenever he saw her, he felt guilty all over again.  At every single rehearsal he was stuck between her and Peter, and he felt sick to his stomach the entire time.  He had been terrible to them both and he had no idea what to do or how to fix it, or even if he <i>could</i> fix it.</p><p>	Diane was sent to stand in for Ivy, but it was immediately clear that she had no idea what she was doing.  Then, Peter began speaking Juliet’s lines.  Jason felt his heart skip; he remembered all the nights they had spent in their room, running the scene, hands together as they moved through the dance.</p><p>	Zach snickered but Jason barely noticed, or heard Sister Chantelle calling him out for it; he was too focused on Peter’s hand against his, those brown eyes locked onto his own.  They moved through the dance, Jason’s arm wrapping around Peter.  It felt so perfect that he wanted to cry.  <i>God</i>, how he missed Peter.</p><p>	Ivy appeared, but Jason couldn’t care less.  The only thing he was focused on was Peter there, in his arms.  It had been so long.  Sister Chantelle was calling an end to practice but he didn’t want to move, didn’t want to let Peter go.  Still, he had to, and then Ivy was demanding his attention, insisting that they needed to talk.</p><p>	That was the last thing Jason wanted, but he managed to put her off until that evening.</p><p>	In the end, that was a terrible plan.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>	When Jason found his way to Peter’s room rather than Ivy’s, he didn’t think it would end well.  He half expected to simply get slapped for his troubles.  He didn’t expect Peter to let him in, or to kiss him.  He may have lied about what had happened with Ivy, and that probably helped (okay, definitely) but it was worth it to feel Peter in his arms again.  For a little while, everything was perfect.  Life felt worth living again.</p><p>	What was <i>not</i> good was when Ivy showed up at rehearsal, furious that Jason hadn’t come to see her.  Worse?  Finding out that their single time having sex had led to her getting pregnant.  Worst of all?  Matt telling Ivy that he was gay and telling Peter that he had gotten Ivy pregnant.</p><p>	Of course it was only natural that the rest of the cast would show up just in time for this big revelation.</p><p>	Jason didn’t have a clue what to do.  Ivy was crying.  Peter…..one look at Peter and Jason felt his entire soul shatter.  His face was anguished, betrayed, those lovely eyes filled with tears.  The words of earlier were ringing in his ears, taunting him.  </p><p>
  <i>Did you sleep with her?</i>
</p><p><i>No</i>.</p><p>What to do, how to recover from this.  He turned from person to person, but Ivy wouldn’t look at him, and Peter…..Jason tried to talk to Peter, to take his hands, but Peter shrank away, almost curled in upon himself as if his heart was breaking.  It probably was.</p><p>“Peter….I don’t know what’s going on.”  He was desperate.  How could he ever explain this, how could he make Peter understand that all he’d ever wanted was him, explain how very much it had all gone off the rails.  He needed to fix this and he hadn’t the first idea how.  “Peter, you’ve got to help me!”</p><p>Peter only looked at him, complete heartbreak in those eyes.  “I tried.”</p><p>Jason watched him leave, his heart aching because he knew it was true.  Peter had been trying since the day that they met, supporting him and helping him in every way that he could.  He was the one who had failed Peter, not the other way around.  Now he was alone, without the first idea what to do.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~*~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Shakespeare was the last thing on Jason’s mind right now, but he really had no choice.  He had committed to this for Peter’s sake, and he was going to stick it out.  For Peter.</p><p>Shortly after rehearsal, he had tried to speak to Father Flynn.  He had no one to turn to now.  His prayers were never answered, all the replies so confusing.  All he had wanted was for someone to look him in the face and tell him that he was okay, that God still loved him.  But Father refused to come out and look him in the eye.  The only reply that he got was a bunch of evasions, and finally that he already knew in his heart that what he was doing was wrong.  He didn’t want to accept that.  How could he accept that?  This love just felt so right.  Nothing in the world had ever felt so perfect and right as when he was with Peter.  To be told it was wrong….  <i>Everything is so muddled</i>.</p><p>He had tried to pull Peter aside, to ask him to just run away.  If they weren’t here, surrounded by people who would judge them or try to control them, maybe everything would be okay.  But Peter had broken him with just two words: <i>it’s over</i>.</p><p>He didn’t want to think anymore.  Maybe he could make sense of it tomorrow, but this day had been too long, too busy, too fucking emotional.  Lucas had already been around and handed out all the drugs.  He’d had the kindness to tell Jason that they were still cool, which had helped a little, but not nearly enough to give Jason the strength to make it through this night.  He swallowed the entire vial.  That should be enough to help him forget for an evening.</p><p><i>I can handle this tomorrow</i>.</p><p>He could feel it kicking in, feel himself relaxing.  Peter was there on the stage, putting on his mask.  Jason’s heart ached.  He knew that if he didn’t talk to Peter now, while the high was giving him strength, he may not have the courage later.</p><p>He grabbed Peter’s hand, tugging him backstage.  Peter looked wary, uncertain of what it was Jason wanted now.  Jason just wanted to cry.  Instead, he found the words spilling forth, the confessions of love.  He had never told Peter before just how long he had loved him, that from the first moment he had laid eyes on Peter, he had known how special he was.  The look in Peter’s eyes at Jason’s confession, the way his face softened, was more than Jason could handle, and he could feel the tears burning his eyes.  </p><p>Then Peter spoke up and Jason felt like an actual idiot.  Peter still loved him.  <i>He loved him</i>.  How could Jason have misunderstood so much?  The play was about to begin but Jason didn’t want to let him go.  He didn’t want to let Peter go, didn’t want him to walk away back on that stage.   It didn’t matter that life would go on and he could just talk to Peter tomorrow, try to explain everything and make things right.  All he wanted was to hold Peter tight.</p><p>They could hear Sister Chantelle calling for everyone to find their places, but it didn’t matter.  Peter kissed him, and Jason could feel the love there, the absolute adoration that Peter had always shown him in every word and action.  There was so much work left, so much Jason had to do to fix all the wrongs he had done, but with Peter in his arms, kissing him, none of that felt so difficult right now. </p><p>Peter broke away, whispering “I love you.”  Gently, he tugged Jason’s mask down, then his own.  Giving Jason a last kiss, he took his hand, tugging him to the stage.</p><p>After that, all of Jason’s worries had vanished.  He was flying high from their last interaction.  <i>Peter loved him</i>.  Nothing else mattered now.</p><p>The drugs weren’t helping much with his control.  He was way too euphoric, with hallucinations setting in.  Everyone looked so strange in their masquerade costumes, the masks distorted.  Everyone but Peter, who was as beautiful as ever.  Jason reached out, trying to touch him, but Peter side-stepped, eyeing him strangely.  Jason frowned.  Why wouldn’t Peter allow the touch after all they had just talked about?  Peter loved him.  He reached again, this time managing to brush his fingertips along Peter’s jaw.</p><p>“Jason, we’re onstage,” Peter hissed.  Jason only smiled.  He watched as Peter gave his big speech.  <i>God</i>, he was so lovely.  He looked around, getting distracted by the set, the way the painted trees seemed to stretch higher than he knew the ceiling to be.</p><p>“Jason?”  Peter’s voice was hushed.  Jason looked at him; Peter touched his cheek, eyes immediately becoming worried.  “God, Jason, you’re flying.”</p><p>Then, everything went dark.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~fin~</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>UGH, I'm sorry to do that to everyone.  I'm sorry there wasn't more dialogue, but originally it was going to end before the show even started.  Still, I feel like Jason needed a bit of insight into his psyche.  Hopefully I did him justice, and it wasn't too boring.</p><p>Definitely go check out the second part.  It's short and sweet and gives these lovely babies a happy ending.  All of them, not just Peter and Jason, but Ivy and Nadia as well.</p><p>Thank you for reading! </p><p>~China</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am a super gay Christian and anyone who thinks God damns homosexuals can fuck all the way off. Thank you.^^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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